Hello Everyone! Most of you probably know by now that I'm a Christian, so I'm trying my hand at poetry for God (I'm pretty bad at it, please don't judge)
'Diary'
I failed again- I don't know what to do.
What is it I'm praying for? Is there anyone to pray for? Is there anything to pray for?
I've stopped praying.
My heart
stopped beating.
Is there anyone to pray for?
Is there anything to pray for?
Is there anything to love for?
Is there anything to hope for?
Is my heart too broken?
Am I forsaken?
I failed again- but this time I know what to do.
Sorry.
Maybe I'll change.
Is my heart too broken?
I at least
have
to
try.
Jesus
Yessu
Lamb
You are the Chosen, the Ruler, the lovely, Anointed One, with His oil, with His Love, with Creation.....
Forgive them, oh Lord, for they know not what they do, says Yeshua, the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings, The Lord of Lords, The Fourth Man in the Fire, The Angel of The Lord, the Holy Babe....
Please
Oh
God
Forgive
Me
Please
Don't
Leave.
I'm not enough.
He will leave me.
He must hate me.
I'm a horrible person.
I'm just a person.
You are more than a person.
You are loved.
You are wanted.
There is always something to pray for.
Because
You're
Praying
To
Me.
-God
Hello everyone! Fun fact, I was about to end this on 777 words but the word count just glitched out so my cool little idea was ruined (it's fine). I really hope you enjoyed this and that it hopefully showed you more about God. Thanks for reading!-Serrurie
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,759 Reviews
Oh my goodness, this is BEAUTIFUL! Personally, I am a huge fan of visual poetry. Making the shape of the cross in this poem, with your words, was SUPER cool. The formatting was incredible!
You ask some really big questions here. The alternating between both sides was well done. It really feels like I am inside your brain, with these racing thoughts going back and forth, uncontrollable and jotting by me.
WOW! This is my favourite thing I have seen all week. We aren't just reading the literal words, but we are seeing them in the shape of the cross. it is visual art too. The desperate tone, combined with the falling element of the cross was so nice. All of these different names and titles combined have a very strong emotional aspect for me. And at the end, it is this sincere prayer that almost makes me cry because it is so powerful. I like what you did in the next part too, with the words having the strikethrough on them. Perhaps it shows things you are too afraid to say to anyone except for God, or even him crossing them out for you, showing you that you are strong enough. The ending was a powerful response, that was so lovely.
Overall, this was a very sweet diary and response. I really hope you write more like this soon <33
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you so much! I'm really struggling with my faith right now, so this comment gives me hope <3
<333 If you ever want to talk, my PMs are always open and I am happy to listen <3333
You're the best <3333 Thank you!
As someone who struggles with religion, I like seeing people willing to assist others in discovering their own goals in life.
"Is there anything to pray for?
I've stopped praying."
This happens to many people, and it isn't easy to do something. Religious guilt is so difficult to overcome. I believe that people experience immense guilt if they do not pray, even if they do not see the point. It happens when you think, "Oh, he must hate me because I'm not doing enough, not like they're." I adore this, and I like the ending, where you acknowledge that there is always someone to pray for and that you are trying your best. It is eye-opening for many individuals. Religion benefits many civilizations and people. It's profound and simple, yet many people will enjoy hearing it. to know that there is always someone to pray for.
(I also really, really love this quote, "What is it I'm praying for? Is there anyone to pray for?")
Hi Serrurie. Valkyria here leaving a review for your lovely poem!
And I can't believe I missed the cross shape. It was so obvious haha. I only saw it after your comment.
Wow, this is stunning! I don't think you're bad at all. You do some really creative things with the formatting, and the switch to bold font to indicate another narrator (God).
Spoiler
I love the portion where you ask "Is there anyone to pray for" to "Am I forsaken." It flows with the right kind of urgency. Each line bounces off of each other so well.
I have a couple of critiques:
This line indicates certainty, that you will act on it. But then the next lines say "Maybe I'll change/ Is my heart too broken?" I like the idea of the insecurity clouding your motivation, but there are very different meanings of two lines right next to each other. Maybe if you add something to that line to make the ''maybe I'll change'' feel more natural.
This is minor, but sometimes spacing out the words in the lines doesn't always work. One word spaced out so much as one line doesn't look aesthetically pleasing. I also striked out ''at least'' because it looks a little strange having three words on a line then one word after.
This was a lovely read. The formatting was great, and I loved the inspirational/ spiritual message at the end. Good job!
Part of this makes the shape of the Cross but it doesn't do that on phones
Whoops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯