Young Writers Society

hi frined! this was a mix of emotions, the begging when she called 911 over the heart break, the dispathers response was funny in a way, when she went into figuritive language (i cant spell so i might have spelled that wrong) the dispatcher thought she meant he actually ripped her heart out and for a minute i acutually did to, then the ending was another funny part in my opinion. you did amazing with this and i hope to see more of your amazing poems. thank you for joining the YWS communite and posting your works here. you make this communite better just by your works and you bring everyone closer with your poetry/ stories. i hope you have an amazing day or night and ofc be safe!

Hello friend! Well, this was such a lovely poem! So unique and cool to read. I found it very engaging. Let's jump right into the review:

This poem uses a funny play on words. We have this girl calling the police saying that her heart has been broken. The dispatcher assumes she means that she is just been hurt emotionally by her boyfriend, so tell her to sort of suck it up. But then the girl states that her heart has been ripped out of her. The lead the dispatcher to believe that her heart has literally been torn out of her… Which I don't understand how would be possible XD but we have this funny miscommunication between these two characters. The ambulance arrives pretty fast, and they discover that she had actually just broken up with Jerry. She speaks in this very symbolic way, but not literally. Luckily! I found this to be very funny and easy to follow, along with because of the simple structure and the dialogue between characters. It wasn't over, complicated or in depth, but instead focuses on this funny, play on words and ways that we express ourselves. I like how you combine all of these different phrases to create this masterpiece of a poem. If I could give you suggestions for improvement, I guess I would say that it would be a good idea to add more information and depth to our characters. Perhaps a bit more about the dispatcher and how she was feeling as she heard this. Or even more about our speaker and her emotional state. For example, is she crying or screaming or sad? I would love to hear more about the break up and how it has resulted for her. Perhaps also describing the physical location to.

Either way, I really enjoyed this short little poem! I can't wait to read more like this in the future. Fantastic work, and keep on writing!

Your friend,
Ellie

Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize since this might be a bit light on feedback this go around. However, I hope you will enjoy reading my thoughts regardless. I think this might be the first time I'm reviewing your work so I'm excited to see what your style has to offer. Forgive me if I'm wrong. With enough rambling, Let's get into it, shall we?

Overall I found this a very clever poem with a strong use of comedy. I never thought of juxtaposing a real emergency with a heartbreak in this way. This feels like how younger people can sometimes act like the world is ending when they have a breakup. Of course, it's not just young people it could be anyone from age but you used to good comedic effect.

I will admit a part of me was wondering if this would go into dark comedy. However, this being lighthearted and dramatic is a nice change of pace. I could be wrong but I think an ambulance is more expensive than a therapist this must have been a rough breakup. Not to mention they would probably charge you double for the tissues

Now I would normally put my feedback here but I couldn't find much here. I don't want to beat a dead horse when it comes to the last line. So let's wrap this this up with some closing thoughts instead.

I hope you're doing well if you're going through a breakup. If there are no break-ups I still hope you have a great day or night regardless. I might check out some of your other works during my journey through my greenroom. Keep writing and remember to drink water!

Review!! (I'm not good at reviewing so please pardon my lack of vocabulary)

I think this poem was simple and effective, with a bit of dry humour tying it all together. When I read this, my first thought was that the character was foolish for calling the police over a break up, but then when I thought about it, people really have done a lot worse over breakups..

I like the metaphors that were used, about the heart figuratively being on the floor and stomped on, and about how casual the character was to call the police since their breakup. I find the line where she asked if they brought tissues humourous in a sense, though she was in such a 'dire' situation. The more I think about it, the more I grow to like the character's dry humour.

Just a minor thing, in 'Jerry might as well have stomped it too', I think it should have been 'stomped on it too'. But otherwise, I quite like this poem! Keep it up!!