Play the piano
like,
you're in a bar.
Put your fingers on the keys,
see what,
tune they
are.
My little lyricist,
can you sing for me?
Play the piano,
let the keys wander with your dreams?
Plaster on a smile
like you would,
during poker.
I no your smile isn't fake,
you,
little
joker.
Play the piano,
dance,
and,
oh, yes,
sing.
Why don't you go ahead and,
test out the keys?
(Yes)
(Go ahead)
(Test out the keys)
Test out the keys,
Yes,
go ahead,
would you do it for me?
Play, the piano,
dance,
and,
sing?
Won't,
you do it?
Do it for me?
Play the piano
like,
you're in a bar.
And,
make sure you shine while you play,
your little star.
I wanna see,
see,
where you are.
I wanna see if you still,
shine like a star.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello there! What a very interesting username you have. It is decidedly memorable.
Your rhythm is brilliant. It bounces very much like a jazz piece. It reminds me of a player piano in an old set piece, extremely nostalgic. Well done!
I have one spot that I saw that I thought needed attention, and even that I wasn't sure if it was stylistic on your part.
Did you mean to say "no" or is that a typo? Typo or not, I recommend changing it for "know" simply because it jarred me out of the rhythm.
Keep making art and creating beauty!
~Pickled Chrissy
Well hello there, my friend! Ellie here with a review for this lovely poem of yours! I hope you are having a lovely day
Let's jump right in:
I love how you ask questions in your poetry. That is one poetic tool that I really appreciate seeing a lot in poems. I find that it brings me a deep sense of connection and personalization to the content. Because I feel like you are speaking to me, a little lyricist.
This poem feels very free. It is not dense. It is filled with space for our thoughts to wander. It feels like whispers and thoughts combined into a poem, speaking right to me. I imagine it in an older bar perhaps, with a piano and jazz music playing. I love how you used brackets a lot. That is very interesting. Perhaps they are echos or things thought but not said, or a reflection of someone asking you to do something being through in your own mind. Either way, nice writing style here.
And I enjoyed the ending:
This has such a reflective, mixed-emotion feeling to it. The past tense of "see if you still shine" says a lot in so few words. Perhaps there is some longing for the past or old memories here too. Overall, this poem didn't feel super deep, but it felt elegant in language and description of the setting. Lovely work and I can't wait to read more!
Your friend,
Ellie