Awake

I feel very much like this every day, in a metaphorical fashion of course. At times I feel cold or heartless, numb to it all. This poem just sort of cuts deep into my mind, relating to my emotions of a walking body without a soul inside. It is short, sweet, to the point, and can stab right in the feels.
The only thing I recommend is adding onto this, how does the person not feel alive, and why? Have they experienced a major life event? Have they been born this way and can't tell what's wrong with them? Do they go anywhere beyond this and attempt to make themselves "feel" again? Perhaps rhyming, but repetition of "awake" and "ing" is good too.
Other than that, this is very good. I adore this poem! Great job.

This piece is, although short, very good. You have done an amazing job giving a lot of meaning to only five lines. However, in order to not leave the reader with questions, you could expand it a little more. I know making it short was your goal, but talking about your feelings, your reasons for being "not alive" could give a different meaning to the poem in general. But then again, this work is very well done. Keep up with the amazing poems.

Wow with such little words this goes so far. I just got through a huge rough patch in my life and this is what it reminded me. I was indeed awake but I couldn't hear, move, see or feel anything. I can totally relate to this on a whole other level of real. This was really touching and emotional to read. I liked this very much because it reminded me that I don't want to go back to that. I just can't get over how much I absolutely loved this and it was only a few words long. Great job!

I really enjoyed this poem. Length doesn't usually matter, and I think this is an example of that. You got your point across very well in these five lines. I could kind of relate to this because on the internet I've had some personal experience with people who struggle with depression, self harm, and other things. These people tend to not want to be alive, and so I know they often feel "Awake but not alive." Sometimes emotions can take a hold of you to the point where you just go through the motions without thinking, caring, feeling anything but pain. It's the kind of situation where you plaster that fake smile on your face and say you're fine because society makes you. Sometimes these emotions take hold of you to the point where you literally don't or feel you can't leave your room or you can't wake up. You don't want to wake up. I think you really capture that experience with this poem.

I realize I may be way off base considering this is very controversial so please bare with me. The way I see it, especially when it comes to your last line, you're awake but not living your life to the fullest. You're not feeling the wind through your hair or adrenaline as it pumps through your veins. You almost feel you aren't human because you aren't too in tune with your emotions. However, depending on your view, you may simply feel frustrated with the dullness of your everyday life. In addition you may feel paralyzed, in the sense that you can't change anything. Either way it's still a lovely poem. The only thing that I would like to point out is that maybe the line that says "Awake but not moving." Should be the fourth line instead of the secound, however I believe this is just personal preference. Anyways can't wait to read more!!!! Keep calm and write on!!!! =^_^=

I really like the simplicity of this. The repetition of "awake" really places emphasis into the overall theme. The whole premise of the poem makes a person really think and contemplate what it means to be awake and the whether or not the actions were perform deem us as alive. I really like the idea of being "awake but not alive" because what does it really mean to be alive? Overall nice poem.

Sometimes short and sweet is good. It gives a whole different feel than something long. It seems like something figurative, or maybe a riddle. Maybe someone who's physically alive, but not mentally. What did you have in mind when you wrote it?