I need to escape my anger and sorrow,
usually I would write from now to tomorrow.
But I feel as if I’m trapped in a cage,
still staring at the blank page.
I always search for a pen, not a tissue,
that way I can forget my issue.
But the words don’t come at all,
I know if I try to fly I’ll fall.
My last chance is to live in another’s world,
their writings, their imagination unfurled.
But the movie never begins;
the darkness pokes me like little pins.
Guilt, grief and terror overwhelm me,
my fear refuses me the right to see.
I can’t make sense of this person I have become,
but it’s too late, I’ve already gone numb.
I’m still staring at the blank page,
as someone unlocks the cage.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
Hey! Retro here for a review!
I think you've got an incredibly strong ending which gives a pleasent twist.
I'm sorry that you had a bad day, but I won't be tearing this up! I'll just do some nitpicks, then talk about what I like, okay?
'usually I would write from now well into tomorrow.'
In terms of flow and rhythem I feel as though you have too many words in this sentence. Maybe something simpler like "Usually I would write from today to tomorrow"
'But the movie never begins,
and the darkness pokes me like little pins'
I'd use a semicolon instead of the comma and get rid of the 'and'
'my fear refusing me the right to see. '
I'd use refuses instead of 'refusing'
That is it for nitpicks. I actually think this is a good cute little poem, you've got some nice ideas here and your rhyme scheme doesn't seem overly forced which iis always a pleasure to see
Good job!
Here if you need me,
~Retro
Thanks! I'll fix it up.
It seems something good has come out of bad days.
Your poem made me think that someone on Earth is able to get how I feel sometimes. "The blank page", the emotions trying to get over you. You described everything fairly well.
"I can't make sense of this person I've become,"
In my opinion, this is the best line in the poem. It sounds a bit illogical - you tell something about yourself and then say it doesn't make sense to you. I liked it.
"as someone unlocks the cage."
That last line left me with several questions. Is that "someone" you or God, or is it something different? Enlightment? If so, why didn't you put there "something" instead? I'm asking in case you know. Otherwise... just ignore me:)
Sincerely yours,
justdream
PS I liked the rhymes.
Thanks for the review! I didn't really know what was unlocking the cage at the time. I kind of felt that there had to be a way to escape it all so I guess it's also kind of a hope thing but I don't really know.