Hey everyone. I wrote this in religion a couple days ago. I wrote it really quick and I don't have much time so I'm putting it up quick, too. Sorry if my spelling or grammar are incorrect, I just don't have time. Thanks, can't wait to get some feedback.
I’m tired of listening for an answer
I’m tired of needing one
Trapped in a glass box
Watching everyone have their fun
I’ll hold on tight to the darkness
I’ll hold on tight to what’s left of me
Hoping for a better day
When finally everyone will see
To see the world through my eyes
To see the world in only a grey haze
Screaming without making a sound
Life like a journey through a maze
There has to be more than this war
There has to be more than this pain
Watching the rain fall with my tears
Waiting to go insane
Trying hard to find a way out
Trying hard to hide it all
I live in a world no one understands
Do I hold on or do I fall?
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Im not goin to repest wat erryone else said but I really like it its very relatable to me . I like the concept and the flow of the poem giv and take some part which need to b lik a word or 2 longer. Over all good job I hav nothing bad to say about it bc I suck at poetry myself lol .
Keep writing n ill b on the look out for more of ur pieces also ill like ur input on my poems wait and see ,, and Where were you . Bc I need more confidence to publish more works plus points but i dnt want ur points enough about me .great job
-oldsoulxoxo
Thanks. I'll have a look
Hey there! CaptainSaltWater here with a review!
I really like it. It isn't bad at all. It's really interesting. As Firelight said, which was what to do here,
Trapped in a glass box
Watching everyone have their fun
Make the top line a little longer to make it flow better. With lines like that, it makes it choppier and weird. Otherwise, good job. I want to see more by you. Don't give up and always write!
-CaptainSaltWater
Happy review day!
Thank you! Yeah, I'll fix it up
This poem is really well written. I like the whole idea, and the fact that you can relate to it. The topic is defiantly one some people can relate too.
I didn't see any spelling errors, and I suck at the rules of poetry but it looks good, no errors that I can see.
The piece flows really well, but I might try and make each line about the same length. Some are long and then there is a short one for example:
Trapped in a glass box
Watching everyone have their fun
This has a fairly short line on top and a longer on on the bottom. I might try lengthening the first for a little better flow like:
Trapped inside a glass box
Watching everyone have their fun
I really liked this poem so: virtual high five to you!*yay*
~Fire
Thanks! I'll be sure to look at that