z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Quest for Fire - Touch the Sky - Chapter Eleven

by felistia


The two dragons stared at each other, neither moving.

Zoltar couldn’t imagine what must be going through Felistia’s mind upon seeing him. Her eyes kept darting from his jaws to his chained paws and back to the king and queen.

That’s when she pointed at her snout, motioning towards the mouth clamp as she tried to form words.

Zoltar saw Lezeeru glanced at Voltron for a moment, a wariness hanging over her face. Her tail had flicked round and she was rubbing an area near the tip. The scales were nearly hidden by the spines, but Zoltar saw it, a streak of twisted glass blue scales running along the end of her tail.

He only saw it for a moment, before she realized what she was doing and coiled her tail back behind her. He knew what it was though. No fire could cause that scar.

His thoughts were interrupted when the Queen hissed, “We will take off her restraints… if she promises not to use her frost breath. I don’t think I need to tell you what will happen if she does.”

Zoltar looked at Felistia. She nodded, a flash of fear in her eyes as she ducked her head to allow the Wind Talons guards to unscrew the two metal clamps around her jaws.

They came off with a metallic clang and the two Wind Talons jumped back, their barbed tails raised ready to strike.

Felistia scowled at them in annoyance as she rubbed the scales where the clamp had been, “Much better. Thank you.”

She walked up to Zoltar, her chains rattling against the marble floor as she moved. The two Wind Talon guards followed, holding their spears tightly as they watched the Ice Talon warily.

“Hey,” Zoltar whispered, brushing a wing against hers as Felistia sat down beside him. She flashed him a quick smile, but didn’t say anything.

Then she looked at the Queen as if asking for permission to speak.

One of the guards gave Lezeeru with a questioning glance.

“It’s okay. You may go now. Voltron and I can handle it from here,” she said, with a light wave of her paw.

Looking relieved, the two guards exited the room through the door they’d come from, their cobalt tails snaking into the dark passage beyond, before the door closed behind them.

Zoltar was sure they hadn’t gone far. One yell from Lezeeru and they would come rushing back into the room, talons ready to tear down any threat.

He caught Felistia cast a quick glance at the now closed door, before her eyes returned to rest on the speckled white floor. She must think the same thing.

“Well then, I guess we should start from the beginning,” Lezeeru began, her back spines still raised and her wings held tensely against her sides, “Felistia, right?”

Felistia nodded, “Yes, your Majesty.”

“Tell me about this Wings of Freedom movement. Zoltar tells me that you and these other Ice Talons want to stop the war. Why? Why would you want to betray your Queen in an effort to help us lowly Wind Talons?” There was a dangerous edge to Lezeeru’s voice like the scrape of a steel blade against ice.

Felistia was silent for a moment as she seemed to think over her answer. The seconds dragged on for what felt like an eternity before she finally answered, “I guess Zoltar didn’t tell you about my relationship with Shiler then.”

Zoltar was surprised at how brazen Felistia was. He wouldn’t dare talk to the Queen so casually.

“No. He hasn’t,” Voltron said, his deep voice cutting through the thin morning air.

“Shiler is my sister, well step sister anyway.”

Zoltar turned to Felistia, shocked. Felistia had never told him that Shiler wasn’t her real sister.

“We never saw eye to eye. Kora and I thought we should run the kingdom peacefully, but Shiler believed otherwise. She saw the way Kora led as weak, there for making our tribe weak. Treaties with other tribes was shameful in her eyes,” Felistia growled, her eyes glowing with pain and hate.

“She tried to get Kora to break the agreement with your King be stealing the Lightning Diamond, but Kora wouldn’t have it. She demanded that she return the diamond in the hope that you’d forgive us and remain our allies. That’s when she challenged Kora for the throne. When she became Queen, she started the war with the Wind Talons on the guise that you and the unearthly Lightning Talons were an enemy and a danger to the Ice Talons.”

Lezeeru flicked her tail and a low growl escaped her jaws, but she didn’t interrupt.

“I tried to stop her back then already. My brother and I formed the Wings of Freedom movement in the hope that enough Ice Talons would stand up against her and her rule, but we never managed. Shiler found out about my involvement and she banished me for the Ice Kingdom. Without me as the heir to the throne, the movement splintered and fell apart.”

Felistia paused as if fighting back the emotions swelling in her voice, “It was only a few weeks ago that I returned with the help of Zoltar. Together, by some stroke of luck we managed to steal the Lightning Diamond. My brother Shriken helped us escape and revealed that there are still some dragons holding the Wings of Freedom together. It’s not enough though. That’s why we came to you. We were hoping that with the diamond, you’d want to join forces with us. Shriken’s working on getting the Wings of Freedom together and said he’d meet with me tomorrow with an update on the situation in the kingdom. With Ice Talons on the inside and your powers restored to you, we will finally be able to stop the war.”

She took a deep breath and looked hopefully at the King and Queen.

Voltron glanced at Lezeeru as if waiting for her to speak, but she was deep in thought. Her eyes stared into the distance as she considered what Felistia had just said.

Finally the glassy haze over her face seemed to clear and she looked up.

“Well Ice Talon, your story seems convincing and I won’t hesitate to admit that your proposal is tempting. However, it is not enough to go by just your words. This could be a ploy to escape and inform your Queen of what you’ve seen here. I won’t allow that,” Lezeeru hissed, her golden eyes piercing through Felistia’s as she seemed to pull information from her mind, “That being said, there is still a way you can prove that everything you’ve said is the truth.”

The look on Felistia’s face was hopeful, but Zoltar could see that the entirety of her body was ridged.

“You mentioned you and this Shriken dragon wanted to get together to discuss your plan. I am willing to send someone to meet him. If he is there, then well, your story will have enough weight that I will believe it.”

“Really,” Felistia burst out, before catching herself, “You’ll let me meet my brother?”

“No. I can’t let you go. That would be foolish on my part. It would be too easy for you to wriggle out of my grasp. No, I want to send your Shadow Talon friend along with some of my soldiers.” Lezeeru flashed her teeth, her eyes gliding from Felistia to Zoltar.

Zoltar felt his chest clinch into a knot as their eyes met.

“He isn’t allied with the Ice Talon Queen, so if he escapes, it will only be a small loss on my part,” Lezeeru continued, “and Shriken should be familiar enough with him, from what you’ve said, to trust him with whatever news he has. All you need to do is tell me where this meeting place is.”


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Sat Jan 16, 2021 4:07 am
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia! This has been in the green room for a while, and I apologize for not having read the other parts, but I'll still do my best to provide helpful feedback.

To start off, this felt like a really solid chapter to me! I thought the flow was good, and even jumping into the middle of the action, I understood what was going on and followed quite easily. My biggest issue with the chapter is that there was a distinct lack of description. So I didn't know what the scene looked like, what the characters looked like, how everyone was standing in relation to one another, etc.

Now, I do understand that this may have been handled in earlier chapters, but it would still help to have some elements sprinkled in to give the reader reminders and make sure they're still on the same page. For instance, is the room big or did it feel cramped with all the dragons? Is there anything between the monarchs and the two captives or did the space feel vast and empty? Just little things to add to the atmosphere of the scene.

Some quick line notes:

Zoltar saw Lezeeru glanced at Voltron for a moment, a wariness hanging over her face.


I noticed this a few times, but there were occasional moments where Zoltar acted like a filter between the action and the reader. Why do we need to know that Zoltar saw the glance? The sentence is just as, if not more, effective by removing the first two words. Adding the filter can pull the reader out of the moment.

Her tail had flicked round and she was rubbing an area near the tip.


This description confused me at first. Near the tip of what? I didn't know where her tail was supposed to be.

“We will take off her restraints… if she promises not to use her frost breath. I don’t think I need to tell you what will happen if she does.”


Why is the queen talking to Zoltar instead of just talking to Felistia directly? I'm not sure if this is established earlier in the novel, so ignore this otherwise, but when I was reading this, it felt almost like the Queen spoke to Zoltar in a more calm demeanor, like she was more familiar with him or knew he was subservient to her, so I was surprised to find out that he was also a captive.

It seems like in this society of dragons that the Queens are the more important monarchs, and this clearly comes across with how the Queen is dominant in the conversation and Voltron continues to look at her and seek her thoughts. That's a really neat world building detail, so good job!

This chapter felt very dialogue heavy, which is good to have sometimes, especially if it's information the reader doesn't already know. The main thing I would suggest is just to add in more sprinkles of description to keep the reader on the same page, and maybe even add in some inner thoughts of Zoltar, so we can understand how he feels about the whole situation. It would add more meat to the chapter than only the dialogue.

Happy writing!
~ Wolfe




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Sun Nov 01, 2020 12:45 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Well it looks great as always. The way that you've written the character of this queen just continues to impress me by how realistic and logical you've had her approach the problems she faces. And of course having Felistia back properly is great!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Zoltar couldn’t imagine what must be going through Felistia’s mind upon seeing him. Her eyes kept darting from his jaws to his chained paws and back to the king and queen.

That’s when she pointed at her snout, motioning towards the mouth clamp as she tried to form words.

Zoltar saw Lezeeru glanced at Voltron for a moment, a wariness hanging over her face. Her tail had flicked round and she was rubbing an area near the tip. The scales were nearly hidden by the spines, but Zoltar saw it, a streak of twisted glass blue scales running along the end of her tail.


Oooh now that's a very interesting detail that you've chosen to let us know right there. Can't wait till I get to see the story behind that whole thing.

He only saw it for a moment, before she realized what she was doing and coiled her tail back behind her. He knew what it was though. No fire could cause that scar.

His thoughts were interrupted when the Queen hissed, “We will take off her restraints… if she promises not to use her frost breath. I don’t think I need to tell you what will happen if she does.”


Well that sort of wound would definitely make you very cautious around those that can do that, that's for sure. Pretty nice of the queen to still let her mouth clamp be taken off.

They came off with a metallic clang and the two Wind Talons jumped back, their barbed tails raised ready to strike.

Felistia scowled at them in annoyance as she rubbed the scales where the clamp had been, “Much better. Thank you.”


Oooh I love the fact that she's still being polite there. That's always a good idea if you want to be a queen.

“Hey,” Zoltar whispered, brushing a wing against hers as Felistia sat down beside him. She flashed him a quick smile, but didn’t say anything.


Hmm...well she wants to get right to business.

Looking relieved, the two guards exited the room through the door they’d come from, their cobalt tails snaking into the dark passage beyond, before the door closed behind them.


So they're relieved because they didn't want to waste any more time there or are they relieved to be away from the Ice Talon?

He caught Felistia cast a quick glance at the now closed door, before her eyes returned to rest on the speckled white floor. She must think the same thing.


Umm...not sure what that line right there was supposed to be mean.

“Tell me about this Wings of Freedom movement. Zoltar tells me that you and these other Ice Talons want to stop the war. Why? Why would you want to betray your Queen in an effort to help us lowly Wind Talons?” There was a dangerous edge to Lezeeru’s voice like the scrape of a steel blade against ice.


Okay...she's going for the intimidation tactic there by the looks of it. Not a bad option.

Felistia was silent for a moment as she seemed to think over her answer. The seconds dragged on for what felt like an eternity before she finally answered, “I guess Zoltar didn’t tell you about my relationship with Shiler then.”


Ahh...she's getting straight to the juicy bits. I love that.

Zoltar turned to Felistia, shocked. Felistia had never told him that Shiler wasn’t her real sister.


Oh wow...that took me by complete surprise.

“She tried to get Kora to break the agreement with your King be stealing the Lightning Diamond, but Kora wouldn’t have it. She demanded that she return the diamond in the hope that you’d forgive us and remain our allies. That’s when she challenged Kora for the throne. When she became Queen, she started the war with the Wind Talons on the guise that you and the unearthly Lightning Talons were an enemy and a danger to the Ice Talons.”


That should be by I think. But well that's a pretty sad story.

Felistia paused as if fighting back the emotions swelling in her voice, “It was only a few weeks ago that I returned with the help of Zoltar. Together, by some stroke of luck we managed to steal the Lightning Diamond. My brother Shriken helped us escape and revealed that there are still some dragons holding the Wings of Freedom together. It’s not enough though. That’s why we came to you. We were hoping that with the diamond, you’d want to join forces with us. Shriken’s working on getting the Wings of Freedom together and said he’d meet with me tomorrow with an update on the situation in the kingdom. With Ice Talons on the inside and your powers restored to you, we will finally be able to stop the war.”


Wait a second...when did Shriken manage to tell Felistia to come meet him? Maybe I just forgot sorry but it comes a bit outta nowhere right now.

“Well Ice Talon, your story seems convincing and I won’t hesitate to admit that your proposal is tempting. However, it is not enough to go by just your words. This could be a ploy to escape and inform your Queen of what you’ve seen here. I won’t allow that,” Lezeeru hissed, her golden eyes piercing through Felistia’s as she seemed to pull information from her mind, “That being said, there is still a way you can prove that everything you’ve said is the truth.”


My respect for this queen goes up even more. I really love how logical her decisions always are while not coming off as too cruel or lenient. Its just perfect for a wartime queen like I've said a million times already.

“He isn’t allied with the Ice Talon Queen, so if he escapes, it will only be a small loss on my part,” Lezeeru continued, “and Shriken should be familiar enough with him, from what you’ve said, to trust him with whatever news he has. All you need to do is tell me where this meeting place is.”


A good smart plan. APPROVED. *slams seal onto desk*

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was a great chapter as always. It was definitely worth the wait. I hope you're writer's block is better now and as always waiting patiently for the next chapter. :)

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. :D Glad you think it was good.

Shriken and Felistia talked about meeting up again at the end of the last book (Frozen Past) It was quite a while ago.




A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases...
— John Keats