The Quest for Fire - Touch the Sky - Chapter One

Hello there,

Great work writing this chapter! I really liked reading it. You had strong word choice and imagery throughout all of it, along with nice character building too! The descriptions were also well written; sentences such as "The grassland was bathed in silver from the two full moons overhead..." and "...he rolled onto his back, staring up at the swirling galaxies above him" create such an awesome image for the reader. Also, the dialogue was very immersive - I always feel like I'm in the story or conversation when I read it.

Nice writing on this chapter! I enjoyed the read.

Keep up the great writing.

~Spider~

OHHHHHHHHHHHH I love how you set this up!!

Introducing this scenario of Zoltar struggling to find his flame is SUCH a great way to already introduce conflict in the story. And you built it up so well that now I, as the reader, worry about what might happen if he really did lose his flame. And it's left open-ended enough for us to wonder if he really will lose it or when he might finally get it back. This could get prolonged for most of the novel, and it'll be SO useful for building tension. It throws our hero into scenarios where he has to overcome his own weakness. It just makes for really fun storytelling, and I can't wait to see how Zoltar handles this.

I do wish this was hinted at in the previous book, though! It doesn't have to be expressed right out the gate, but bring to the reader's attention that Zoltar's fire is weakening... or like when they left the ice talon kingdom, his fire should still be far too weak. So the reader is seeing his fire weaken to the point where he can't use it, and Zoltar is convinced (therefore the reader is convinced) that it is a natural suppression due to the climate. So then when we return to their story here and a significant amount of time has passed, we can be sufficiently shocked that Zoltar still doesn't have his fire back.

I ADORED the opening scene. It was a great dream sequence in that it played as a gentle reminder of Zoltar's quest as well as what he went through. I'd like to see a little more with Nira's part as it doesn't really depict that the two loved each other at all, but let me tell you it is HORRIFYING to have your girlfriend morph into your ex in a dream. Like that is scarring and probably VERY uncomfortable for him at the very least. (Not to say that he and Felistia are boyfriend/girlfriend, but they ARE close enough that Zoltar could easily feel guilty at the thought of Nira seeing him with her.)

I appreciated the little reminders of Zoltar's quest. I really do because I feel like this got sidelined a lot last book, kinda got lost in the escape from the palace and left them with no direction but finding Emerald and Shiraku. So this is doing a great job of getting us back on track and retracing what Zoltar already got for his quest and what he still needs. 'Cause I certainly can't remember those details. XD

Ohh I just noticed on the map that the ghost talons are RIGHT next to the ice talons, and I wonder why he went to the wisp talon island first when the ice talons were right there?! And I also wonder if the climate changes between zones makes geographical sense, but that's really jsut food for thought. The ice talons seem awfully close to the shadow talons and their volcano -- things like that.

I'm excited! It sounds like we'll be looking for the obsidian glass, then next book we might obtain the scale -- or something like that pace-wise. I don't know what the obsidian glass might have to do with the wind talons, but I do have it in my head that most of this book will be spent with the wind talons after the build up of the previous book. I'll certainly find out, though! We have yet to meet the lightning dragon, and Shriken is planning a rebellion and -- OH. Oh yeah, Zoltar did say that once he saved his friends, he was free to bolt -- but isn't Felistia planning to help with the rebellion, or is that really just a ruse to save their friends? Would she bolt with him?

And what will his friends think? What if Emerald is over this whole adventure thing and just leaves!? oh gosh, I don't know. I have so many potential scenarios playing out in my head and I'm totally ready to progress this plot and find out what's going oooon!

Hello, felistia, saw that you made a third book and decided to read it. Without further ado, I'll start.
First off, this was fun to read. It brought many things back from the last two books, and I feel the need to read the first one.

Talons clashed against talons. Frost breath met orange flame. The pounding of wings filled the sky and the air was heavy with the metallic smell of blood. Ice Talons and Wind Talons twisted through the air, lashing at each other with teeth and claws, raking long gashes in each other. The landscape below was a desolated plain of scarlet fire and crystal ice.

The blood curdling roar ripped through the still night air, jerking Zoltar from his sleep.

The sounds around him where(I think you meant were) beginning to change, the clashing of metal turning to high pitched cries. All around the smoke turned to writhing coils of mist as the ice melted away.

The grassland was bathed in silver from the two full moons overhead, the blades rustling in the gently(I think you meant gentle) breeze.

The last time he’d(Maybe change it to he had) have(doesn't need have) a nightmare had been all the way back on the Wisp Talon Island.

It was just he only have(I think you meant had) another month or so before winter hit and he had to have the Ruby of Fire by then, otherwise the Ghost Talons would act on their threat.

As he drifted in and out of awareness(comma) he couldn’t help thinking about all the fire he’d (maybe you could add been?)using (try adding in)the Ice Kingdom for their escape.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And time for book 3. *still doing a happy dance*

First Impression: I detect some very sneaky editing. Your were very careful to change both the first book and the second book to match this one. Very interesting choice there...And so now it has been narrowed down to one last item. Well really nice start overall...basically revealing the plot of this(sort of) and getting us asking the right questions while continuing over from the previous one.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Talons clashed against talons. Frost breath met orange flame. The pounding of wings filled the sky and the air was heavy with the metallic smell of blood. Ice Talons and Wind Talons twisted through the air, lashing at each other with teeth and claws, raking long gashes in each other. The landscape below was a desolated plain of scarlet fire and crystal ice.

Gasping in pain, he struggled to his feet. He almost stumbled over an Ice Talon corpse hidden by the smoke from the many fires. With a cry of anguish he realized it was Felistia, her wings charred black.

He turned back to find that Felistia was beginning to morph, her blackened burns spreading across her body like a rolling thunderstorm, her crown of horns shifting to two amethyst ones. Zoltar collapsed in front of her. It was Nira.

“I told you to be back by winter, now your tribe will pay.” Krakatoa hissed. He tipped back his head, shrieking a long, grating roar.

Blinking groggily, Zoltar examined his wings, extending them in and out. They were fine. It had just been a dream. He breathed a shaky sigh, trying to gain control over his shaking limbs.

He knew Felistia would probably expect him to stay and help with the war and it wasn’t like he didn’t want too. It was just he only have another month or so before winter hit and he had to have the Ruby of Fire by then, otherwise the Ghost Talons would act on their threat.

Groaning, he rolled onto his back, staring up at the swirling galaxies above him. The ache in his chest hadn’t gone with the dream. The pain was still pulsing through his fire sack like an angry storm. He rubbed it, trying to ease the throbbing. The fact that the pain was getting worse rather than better worried him. It had been steadily building since they’d left the Ice Kingdom.

As he drifted in and out of awareness he couldn’t help thinking about all the fire he’d using the Ice Kingdom for their escape. Had that pushed his flame too far? Would he lose after all?

One looming thought filled his mind as he slipped from consciousness entirely. He needed his flame to melt the black sand for the Obsidian Glass shard. If his fire went out, how was he going to obtain the last thing he needed for his quest?