A cool breeze swept over the vast mountain range, causing the trees along the slopes to sway gently in the moonlight. A chilling reminder that winter was beginning to take hold, its icy grip tightening as the days grew shorter.
Zoltar tried not to think about this as he glided silently alongside Oren and Voltron. He knew that he was running out of time to complete his mission. Every day he spent in the Wind Talon Kingdom was another day lost. He couldn’t afford to delay much longer.
After all, he’d done his part for the Queen and she didn’t need the Ice Diamond, not now that she had the Lighting Diamond. Besides, with war in the air, surely she’d want him and any other loose ends out of her scales.
Maybe it was time to move on? He could be beyond the border with Shiraku and Emerald before sundown tomorrow tonight.
He sighed, staring up at the glittering indigo and violet sky. But how could he leave Felistia? She wouldn’t want to come with him, not anymore. She’d made it clear that her place was here, fighting against Shiler until one fell in battle.
It wasn’t like she had a choice anyway. She was the head of the Ice Talon rebellion. Without her, the movement would have no leader.
Zoltar shook his head. He couldn’t think about this now. He had more immediate problems to worry about.
He glanced to his left, trying to avoid eye contact with Voltron. The massive Lighting Talon hadn’t said much since they’d left Viper Rock hours ago. He’d had allowed him to take the lead the moment they’d left. He’d simply slipped behind and flow in the back the whole journey. He seemed lost in his thoughts, his golden eyes staring into the distance and yet seeming to see nothing.
He’d looked thoroughly shaken after hearing that Shiler was preparing her army and that his soldiers would have to meet her on the battle field in less than two days.
Zoltar focused his gaze on the horizon. At the pace they were flying, they should reach the Wind Talon palace by early morning. Surely the Queen would have a plan?
…
It must have been past midnight when small glimpses of Wind Talon huts started to pop up among the thick tree cover.
Zoltar felt his spirits lift a little and he dropped down a few wing beats to fly beside Oren. He’d been unusually quiet since they’d met Shriken.
“Almost home,” he said, brushing Oren’s wing tip with his own.
The young dragon nodded, but didn’t say anything, his eyes staring blankly ahead.
“Hey, are you okay? You’re very quiet,” Zoltar asked, beginning to feel a little concerned for him. He’d become rather fond of the Wind Talon’s happy, go lucky nature over the past few days.
“I guess,” Oren whispered, looking away, “It’s just…never mind.”
“You worried about what’s going to happen?”
Oren nodded again, still not making eye contact with Zoltar.
“It’s going to be okay,” Zoltar said, not sure if he really try trying to reassure himself or Oren, “You’ve got two Lighting Talons. With the Lighting Diamond, they should have all their powers restored. They’ll be able to summon storms now like the scrolls say. The Ice Talons won’t stand a chance.”
Oren smiled sadly in an almost amused way, “Those are just stories. Tales from a time long ago before the War of Thunder and Ice. They can’t do that. Not anymore anyway. You need more than two Lighting Talons to harness such power. It took almost the whole royal family to accomplish what you read about in the scrolls.”
“Oh,” Zoltar felt his pace falter slightly. Of course the stories weren’t real. If they had been, why would the Wind Talons be in the situation they were in?
“Lezeeru will probably want to have me perform the White Light Ceremony now,” Oren continued, “She’ll need all the Lighting Talons she can get.”
It took Zoltar a moment to register what Oren was saying. White Light Ceremony?
“Besides, maybe it will be worth going to war if I can finally receive my powers? It’s not like I haven’t been dreaming about this my entire life,” Oren continued, “Being a royal Wind Talon just isn’t the same as a Lighting Talon.”
He sighed, “I wonder what it feels like.” He trailed off, staring up at the night sky as if he could already see himself with the bolts of light across his wings and shimmering gold eyes.
Zoltar was lost in his own thoughts now. Oren was a royal, the bouncy little Wind Talon that all the guards seemed to find infuriating?
It made sense now why the Queen seemed to favour him over her other guards, being that he was her dragonet and all.
But how could he become a Lighting Talon? Zoltar had always been under the impression that it was something given to a dragon before hatching, not something that could be given to a dragon anytime during their lives.
It must have something to do with this White Light Ceremony, whatever that was.
…
It was early morning by the time the three dragons crossed over the final mountain peak to soar in and over the Wind Talon basin. The sun was just beginning to cast its warm light over the houses below, bathing the whole valley in a soft orange glow.
Dragonets emerged from the huts, laughing as they ran through the dusty streets. Adults soon followed, yawning as they shook off the nights slumber.
The conversation with Oren from the night before was still fresh in Zoltar’s mind, but now as he looked over the villages, his thoughts took a darker turn.
What would happen to these dragons if they lost the war? Shiler wasn’t just going to accept a surrender from the Wind Talons like she had repeatedly through the years. This wasn’t an intimidation or dominance thing anymore. She wanted to wipe them out for their betrayal. Nothing would stop her getting to the Ice Diamond and once she had it, she would take care of the Wind Talons for good.
Could he really just go now and leave these dragons to fend for themselves?
He hadn’t wanted to admit it before, but it kind of was his fault that Shiler wanted all-out war in the first place. If he hadn’t interfered, the Wind Talons wouldn’t be facing this threat.
Shiler had never wanted to destroy the Wind Talons before, well not completely anyway. But now that they had the Diamonds and were sheltering Felistia, she must see it as an unforgivable act.
And what would happen to Felistia or Shriken? Could he really go the rest of his life not knowing what happened to them?
Groaning at the fact that he was doing this to himself again, Zoltar made up his mind. The mission could wait.
He only had the obsidian stone left anyway. Getting that shouldn’t take too long. It wasn’t like he had to face any murderous tribes of invisible dragons or some crazy, power hungry Queen. He just had to melt some black sand into a stone. It wasn’t that hard.
Well, except for one thing. He’d need his fire to be able to melt the sand. Without it, he wouldn’t be able to get the obsidian.
But, surely his fire would be back by the time he reached the island? It couldn’t really be gone forever.
Zoltar almost laughed out loud at this pathetic thought. He knew he was kidding himself. His fire should have returned by now. It had been a number of days since he’d left the Ice Kingdom and he still couldn’t breathe much more than a puff of smoke.
He sighed. Maybe the Wind Talons could help. They had fire and if he helped them defeat Shiler, surely they wouldn’t mind melting some sand for him? Maybe?
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,795 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm back!!
First Impression: Another great chapter as always. I was waiting to see when Zoltar would face this dilemna and well he took it about as well as I expected which is nice. Well looks like its a tough road ahead for the poor guy as always.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Lovely description to start things off as always and it great also as always.
Wow, we've been so caught up in this war situation that we've basically neglected all of that too haven't we? I was wondering when Zoltar was going to have to contemplate this choice.
That probably does make a lot of sense.
Unfortunate but it does appear to be her choice now doesn't it? I hope they don't have to go their separate ways but that does seem like the logical option.
You probably should think about it though Zoltar.
Okay that does actually sound quite troubling.
Okay, well someone is certainly quite terrified at the thought of a large invasion.
Yup, that's what I thought.
Now that would be insanely cool, also wow would a lot of dragons die that way.
Right, that does make this a little bit more grounded than two dragons going all Thor on everyone.
Well that's an interesting name for a ceremony.
That is a pretty interesting idea. I think Zoltar is probably right in his thoughts now isn't he?
More great imagery as we transition there.
That would certainly be quite unfortunate.
But Zoltar, what exactly are you going to do being just the one dragon?
Well...that is true unfortunately, he probably didn't think that far which isn't his fault I suppose.
Clearly.
Poor guy, always putting everyone else ahead of him.
Oh trust me, it will be much harder than you can possibly imagine.
Oh that is long gone.
Well...that seems like a lot of work for a bit of stone but you gotta do what you gotta do I suppose.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was another fun chapter to read. I love the little reveal there with the Lightning Talons and the royal family, that was a really nice twist. Looking forward for more as always.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you for the review.
Hi felistia ^_^
I do apologise that I haven't read any of the previous chapters, though the name Zoltar sounds familiar so perhaps I peeked at some point.
Because I'm new, I obviously cannot offer anything in the way of story structure / character development, but hopefully I can shake the constructive criticism / praise tree hard enough to rustle up some helpful feedback.
Ooh, I'm a sucker for openings like this. I love a brief but visually stunning intro to the scene, and using the season to emphasise the passage of time. Nix "it was" though. The sentence frag will serve well and removes the repetition of "was" which is an unattractive word in my opinion.
Even better, you've used the opening to tie directly into Zoltar's stakes and the tension of the scene.
"A few wing beats" was such a glorious way of describing distance here.
However, nix the last part of this sentence. You're narrating something you're about to dramatize. Or in other words, you're stating what will happen next even though I'm sure you're about to do a fantastic job showing it.
Great dialogue. I like that you're not launching into anything. Oren's mood came off brilliantly.
Again, take a step back out of your own story. You don't need to narrate. Your characters are doing all the work for you (which speaks to your talent as a writer). I'm sure you just wanted to clarify that consoling others doesn't come easily to Zoltar, but really this dialogue is pulling this weight already.
I love your style. This gave me goosebumps. I love your use of rhetorical questions as well. They can be intrusive but you know what you're doing.
Again I like your get in and get out approach to setting a scene.
XD WHY CURSE YOURSELF LIKE THIS ZOLTAR
---
I...really don't have much helpful feedback. Maybe partly because I'm new, but definitely mostly because you're already talented in what you're doing.
I think I got lucky by entering on an introspective scene; you recapped parts of the storyline so that I had an easy introduction to your world.
In particular I like that your voice is very consistent and it lends itself well to the atmosphere and tension. Zoltar's rhetorical questions / introspection automatically whips up a feeling of impending danger. I love that you're keeping the stakes at the forefront of the story, and specifically Zoltar's guilt in being the reason behind some of the challenges the Wind Talons are facing.
Your sentence structure and pacing is impeccable. You have a nice musical rhythm which allowed me to breeze right through this.
I also loved your sense of setting and also the way you use the dragon's anatomy to create a realistic dragon POV. Like with the wing beat thing and also the moment with wing tips touching.
The only "issue" that stood out to me was the odd moment where you needlessly narrated. Honestly, it's not a big deal. You probably already know this and you're just shaking off that last teeny tiny bit of "I want the story to be clear" mentality.
I will try hard to find time and go back and read the previous chapters, which in itself is more praise: the middle of your story was engaging enough to serve as a hook.
Definitely keep up the great work!
-Zoom
Thank you so much for the review. It was actually helpful that you pointed out where I was narrating. I struggle to walk the line between narrating and come across clearly. Thank you. I applied the changes you suggested and it's much better.
P.S this is actually the third book in a four book series I'm writing. If you are interested in taking a look at my previous works, I would be incredibly grateful.
Here are the links to the first, second and third books first chapters.
Book One: The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter One
Book Two: The Quest for Fire - Frozen Past - Chapter One
Book Three: The Quest for Fire - Touch the Sky - Chapter One
No worries! Oh, a series. And you've already made so much progress with it. Congrats!
Can I ask - are you planning to query / have you already queried? I'm curious to know that.
What do you mean by (query\queried)?
Oh sorry - I meant do you have any intention to find an agent one day and try to publish?
I've thought about it, but I doubt it would happen. I'd have to research the process obviously and I'm not going to worry about doing that until I've gone over my finish series a few more times.
Why?
Just curious. Obviously I haven't read much but from what I've seen I think you're at a good level and it made me wonder what your plans were. Not that you even have to have plans. I'm just always fascinated about this kind of thing. I haven't queried anything yet.