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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Quest for Fire - Touch the Sky - Chapter Thirteen

by felistia


An icy breeze whistled through Zoltar’s ears as he flew over the lush landscape.

It was almost dark by now, the sun having set behind them long time ago. Only the faint whisper of yellow clinging to the horizon told of what had come before it. Many peaks still remained before they reached the open savanna, but with the rate at which the light was fading, they would have to find a place to spend the night before they’d reached it.

They’d been flying for almost an hour, passing a few scattered villages carved from the forested slopes along the way. It had been many heart beats since he’d seen the last one though and he assumed that they’d cleared the Wind Talon part of the mountains.

“We’ll need to land soon,” Voltron’s deep rumble of a voice broke through the silence as the Lightning Talon slowed to a glide.

“Don’t you think we should try to reach the grasslands before resting?” Oren asked, glancing below them, “It’s not really ideal for us to land here.”

Zoltar scanned the ground below. Oren was right. Sharp spikes of rain worn rock jutted from the trees coating the steep mountain slopes. Landing would be difficult and even with his night vision, the thick tree cover would all but render his surroundings pitch black.

“It’s getting too dark to navigate. We’ll have to find a place to rest until first light,” Voltron continued, studying the ground below.

“What if I took the lead?” Zoltar asked, wincing at the look Voltron gave him, “I can see well enough to lead us to the grasslands. It should only take a few more hours. We could find a place to rest then.”

Voltron let out a low growl, but Oren interjected, “Oh that would be great. I really don’t want to try to land in that.”

He pointed at the ground with a flick of his tail.

Voltron snapped at Oren, his white teeth flashing despite the lack of light.

“What?” Oren almost yelped, ducking away from Voltron, “He can see better than us. Besides what’s he going to do anyway, run away with the tail casing still on?”

“Fine,” Voltron snarled, casting the Wind Talon a glare, before whipping his head around to face Zoltar, “But don’t try anything Shadow Talon. A fall from this height would be fatal.”

He lashed his tail, the sleep barbs on the end bristling. Zoltar knew exactly what he’d meant.

“Yes Sir,” he said, dipping his head as he swooped into the front.

Zoltar wasn’t sure how long they’d been flying for when he caught the glimpse of grasslands spreading out over the horizon, but he guessed that it had to be midnight. The moon was at its highest point, it’s milky rays casting the distant savanna in shades of silver and shimmering blues.

“We’re nearly there. I can see the end of the mountain range,” Zoltar called out, looking over his shoulder at the two dragons following close behind him.

The breeze carried away most of the words, but he was sure he heard Oren say something along the lines of “finally” and “I told you he could do it”.

There was no mistaking the rumble that imitated from Voltron though, as he cast the young Wind Talon a scowl and swooped into fly beside Zoltar.

“Where,” he asked potently, his massive wings pounding the air around Zoltar.

“Look for the reflection of the moon on the grass just beyond those peaks,” Zoltar said, trying not to flinch away from the Lightning Talon as he pointed to the horizon.

It took a moment, but Zoltar could see when Voltron spotted it. He seemed to relax and his wing beats became slower.

“Good job,” he said, shrugging as if it were nothing before dipping back to fly besides Oren.

Before long, the three dragons cleared the last of the mountain range and soared out onto the vast open grasslands. The thin blades danced in the cool moonlight as if listening to a song that only the night could hear.

Zoltar slowed to a glide, dropping back beside Voltron and Oren, “Do you want to land? It should be easy enough now that we are out in the open.”

“No,” Voltron said, much to Zoltar’s surprise, “You’ve shown that you can be trusted…at least enough to navigate for us. If we continue flying at the rate we are, we will reach Viper Rock by late morning tomorrow. Besides it will be easier to cross these plain tonight. Coming morning, we’ll have to deal with the sun and it can get blistering hot out here.”

The Lighting Talon cast a glance at Oren as if expecting an argument, but the Wind Talon was silent as he stared out at the horizon, his eyes filled with excitement and wonder.

“Very well,” Zoltar couldn’t help, but smile as he banked around and took up head position again. Voltron trusted him…well at least a little anyway.

The heavy drum of wings against the sky filled Zoltar’s ears as the three dragons flew into the night.

Zoltar’s wings were growing heavy by the time the first blade of sunlight pierced the darkness hanging over the land. They’d flown straight through the night.

At first Zoltar’s wings beats had matched those of his companions, but by the time the stars had begun to fade, he’d found himself having to push harder and harder to keep pace with the larger winged Wind Talons. He now realized how greatly he’d underestimated their speed and stamina.

As the sun slowly climbed, the sky growing brighter with every passing moment, Zoltar realized how far they’d flown over the night. The Wind Talon Mountains were a distant blemish in the sweeping grasslands behind him and up ahead he could see the coiling head of Viper Rock. They were almost there.

A deep purr of content radiated from HIM as the sun brushed his damp scales, seeping into them and driving out the night’s cold.

Voltron, who was flying just a wings beat behind him, now soared up to glide beside him. The new light bounced off his azure blue scales, causing them to shimmer like ocean waters.

“I think I can take the lead now,” Voltron said, beating his wings to cut in front of Zoltar.

“Yes Sir,” Zoltar whispered, dropping back. He’d hoped the Lighting Talon would have warmed up to him a little given his help, but he seemed as cold as ever.

“Just a little way to go,” Oren said happily, popping up to fly beside him.

Zoltar almost missed a wing beat, startled by the young Wind Talons sudden appearance.

“Don’t let Voltron get you down,” He continued as he flexed his back spines, “You saved us a lot of time. Without you, we would have had to land for the night and would only have made it to Viper Rock by early evening at best. Just give him some time. He takes a while to open up to new dragons, but he’s not so bad once you get to know him.”

He winked, brushing wings for a moment before speeding up to fly beside Voltron.

Zoltar smiled as he watch Oren. The young dragon was beginning to grow on him.

As they flew, the warmth of the sun grew, beating down on Zoltar’s black scales. The initial comfort it had brought him was now replaced with an energy sapping heat that beat down on him without mercy. Even the lighter colored Wind Talons seemed to be feeling the burn of the sun, panting as they flew.

As the silhouette of Viper Rock neared, Zoltar found his stomach beginning to form a knot. How would Shriken react to seeing Voltron and Oren? Would he even allow Zoltar to explain before attacking or fleeing? What would happen when he realized that Felistia wasn’t here? It hadn’t exactly been the original plan for Zoltar to meet him rather than his sister. He didn’t even like him. He’d only tolerated Zoltar because Felistia had made him.

Zoltar gritted his teeth, trying not to focus of the insufferable heat on his scales.

What if the Ice Talon wasn’t there at all? Had he even made it out of the Ice Kingdom? Shiler knew that her jewels had been stolen by now and after what he’d seen of her, he could only imagine how she’d reacted. Had Shriken even managed to contact the Wings of Freedom? What if he didn’t have any news? What would Zoltar tell the Wind Talon Queen then?

“Stop,” Voltron’s rumbling voice abruptly cut through Zoltar thoughts and brought an end to his growing panic. It was time.


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Sun Jan 24, 2021 6:45 pm
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your piece chilling in the green room, so I decided to give it its second review!!

I have to say, I really enjoyed this. Even with minimal background about this piece (I only skimmed the parts that came before it) I found that I was still able to really enjoy it! You've got a terrific writer's voice, and that helped a lot to sort of engage me in the story, even if I was a little lost, plot wise. (Being lost is on me, though. I'm sure it would make more sense if I actually bothered to go back and read the other installments, which are surely as wonderful as this.)

Even though I've never been exposed to these characters before, I felt that you did a great job of sort of... acclimating me to them? If that makes sense? I got really clear pictures of their traits in my head. You've got Zoltar, who I'm assuming is the main character. He's somewhat nice and a little unsure. Oren is a younger dragon, who's much nicer than Voltron, who just seems like a grump. The fact that you were able to convey so much of their characters in just a short bit of writing is really impressive!

I also fell in love with your imagery. It's brilliant. I really don't have enough words to describe it.

Specifics

Oren was right. Sharp spikes of rain worn rock jutted from the trees coating the steep mountain slopes.


You've got some inconsistencies here. When I hear rain worn, I tend to think of very smooth rocks, and not at all rock spikes. I think you should get rid of the rain worn part, because it's kinda confusing.

“Yes Sir,” he said, dipping his head as he swooped into the front.


I don't think you need to capitalize "sir" there, since it's not a proper noun.

“Where,” he asked potently, his massive wings pounding the air around Zoltar.


Since where is a question, you should put a question mark after it.

“Very well,” Zoltar couldn’t help, but smile as he banked around and took up head position again. Voltron trusted him…well at least a little anyway.


You don't need the comma after help. All it does now is provide a really awkward break, and I can't think of any reason why it should be there.

A deep purr of content radiated from HIM as the sun brushed his damp scales, seeping into them and driving out the night’s cold.


I wasn't sure why "him" was in all caps here. I'm assuming it's a mistake, but if it isn't, I'd love to know why you made that choice. If it was for emphasis, I'd suggest maybe using italics instead.

Other than that: great job!! I really enjoyed reading your piece with its phenomenal imagery and great voice. Keep writing!!




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. :D



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Tue Dec 01, 2020 5:44 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm back for more!!

First Impression: Hmm...a bit of a slow chapter that we've got right here, with them just moving along but I am loving this little relationship developing between our three dragons here and I just love that ending, a perfect little cliffhanger asking just the perfect questions there about what Shriken might do or if he even would have been able to get there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

An icy breeze whistled through Zoltar’s ears as he flew over the lush landscape.

It was almost dark by now, the sun having set behind them long time ago. Only the faint whisper of yellow clinging to the horizon told of what had come before it. Many peaks still remained before they reached the open savanna, but with the rate at which the light was fading, they would have to find a place to spend the night before they’d reached it.


Well, we have our usual awesome establishing shot as always. That's nice to see, the description through really well like it always did.

They’d been flying for almost an hour, passing a few scattered villages carved from the forested slopes along the way. It had been many heart beats since he’d seen the last one though and he assumed that they’d cleared the Wind Talon part of the mountains.


Oooh...we are headed out now.

Zoltar scanned the ground below. Oren was right. Sharp spikes of rain worn rock jutted from the trees coating the steep mountain slopes. Landing would be difficult and even with his night vision, the thick tree cover would all but render his surroundings pitch black.


That definitely does not sound like a great place to land in.

“What if I took the lead?” Zoltar asked, wincing at the look Voltron gave him, “I can see well enough to lead us to the grasslands. It should only take a few more hours. We could find a place to rest then.”

Voltron let out a low growl, but Oren interjected, “Oh that would be great. I really don’t want to try to land in that.”


Uh oh, I sense an argument approaching...someone doesn't trust Zoltar.

“What?” Oren almost yelped, ducking away from Voltron, “He can see better than us. Besides what’s he going to do anyway, run away with the tail casing still on?”

“Fine,” Voltron snarled, casting the Wind Talon a glare, before whipping his head around to face Zoltar, “But don’t try anything Shadow Talon. A fall from this height would be fatal.”


Yup...trust issues...although you definitely can't blame him for being cautious.

Zoltar wasn’t sure how long they’d been flying for when he caught the glimpse of grasslands spreading out over the horizon, but he guessed that it had to be midnight. The moon was at its highest point, it’s milky rays casting the distant savanna in shades of silver and shimmering blues.


Aaand we get some bonus awesome descriptions. :)

“We’re nearly there. I can see the end of the mountain range,” Zoltar called out, looking over his shoulder at the two dragons following close behind him.

The breeze carried away most of the words, but he was sure he heard Oren say something along the lines of “finally” and “I told you he could do it”.


Yay for Zoltar!!

There was no mistaking the rumble that imitated from Voltron though, as he cast the young Wind Talon a scowl and swooped into fly beside Zoltar.

“Where,” he asked potently, his massive wings pounding the air around Zoltar.

“Look for the reflection of the moon on the grass just beyond those peaks,” Zoltar said, trying not to flinch away from the Lightning Talon as he pointed to the horizon.


Poor Zoltar trying not to get yelled at. Hopefully Voltron starts to trust him more eventually.

Before long, the three dragons cleared the last of the mountain range and soared out onto the vast open grasslands. The thin blades danced in the cool moonlight as if listening to a song that only the night could hear.

Zoltar slowed to a glide, dropping back beside Voltron and Oren, “Do you want to land? It should be easy enough now that we are out in the open.”


Ahh...Zoltar being careful, good for him, and more amazing descriptions.

“No,” Voltron said, much to Zoltar’s surprise, “You’ve shown that you can be trusted…at least enough to navigate for us. If we continue flying at the rate we are, we will reach Viper Rock by late morning tomorrow. Besides it will be easier to cross these plain tonight. Coming morning, we’ll have to deal with the sun and it can get blistering hot out here.”


Oooh....turnaround from him, a little quicker than I expected, but that is wonderful to see regardless.

The Lighting Talon cast a glance at Oren as if expecting an argument, but the Wind Talon was silent as he stared out at the horizon, his eyes filled with excitement and wonder.

“Very well,” Zoltar couldn’t help, but smile as he banked around and took up head position again. Voltron trusted him…well at least a little anyway.

The heavy drum of wings against the sky filled Zoltar’s ears as the three dragons flew into the night.


That's a lovely end to that scene there. I love that image of them finally gaining some trust and then flying off together.

At first Zoltar’s wings beats had matched those of his companions, but by the time the stars had begun to fade, he’d found himself having to push harder and harder to keep pace with the larger winged Wind Talons. He now realized how greatly he’d underestimated their speed and stamina.


Oooh nice to see that bit of attention to detail there with the Wind Talons size and strength giving them the ability to fly further. I always appreciate little details like that.

As the sun slowly climbed, the sky growing brighter with every passing moment, Zoltar realized how far they’d flown over the night. The Wind Talon Mountains were a distant blemish in the sweeping grasslands behind him and up ahead he could see the coiling head of Viper Rock. They were almost there.


Oooh...here we come.

“Yes Sir,” Zoltar whispered, dropping back. He’d hoped the Lighting Talon would have warmed up to him a little given his help, but he seemed as cold as ever.

“Just a little way to go,” Oren said happily, popping up to fly beside him.

Zoltar almost missed a wing beat, startled by the young Wind Talons sudden appearance.


Oooh...well that's interesting...aaand looks like Zoltar is being very cautious with not angering Voltron which is a pretty smart decision by him.

“Don’t let Voltron get you down,” He continued as he flexed his back spines, “You saved us a lot of time. Without you, we would have had to land for the night and would only have made it to Viper Rock by early evening at best. Just give him some time. He takes a while to open up to new dragons, but he’s not so bad once you get to know him.”

He winked, brushing wings for a moment before speeding up to fly beside Voltron.


Oooh...well that's nice to see...I just love the little bit of camaraderie forming between these three even in this small flight.

As the silhouette of Viper Rock neared, Zoltar found his stomach beginning to form a knot. How would Shriken react to seeing Voltron and Oren? Would he even allow Zoltar to explain before attacking or fleeing? What would happen when he realized that Felistia wasn’t here? It hadn’t exactly been the original plan for Zoltar to meet him rather than his sister. He didn’t even like him. He’d only tolerated Zoltar because Felistia had made him.


Oh dear, I almost forgot about that. Hopefully Shriken doesn't mess everything up for Zoltar.

What if the Ice Talon wasn’t there at all? Had he even made it out of the Ice Kingdom? Shiler knew that her jewels had been stolen by now and after what he’d seen of her, he could only imagine how she’d reacted. Had Shriken even managed to contact the Wings of Freedom? What if he didn’t have any news? What would Zoltar tell the Wind Talon Queen then?

“Stop,” Voltron’s rumbling voice abruptly cut through Zoltar thoughts and brought an end to his growing panic. It was time.


Whoa...quite an intense place to stop the chapter there...ahh...the cliffhanger to see what ends up happening with Shriken.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall it was another pretty good addition to this wonderful story, maybe things slowing down a little too much in terms of the pacing, but for me at least the wonderful camaraderie on display made up for that although I do hope we get to see a bit more action soon.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




felistia says...


Thank you for another great review. I know this story has been a little slow compared to the other two, but it's really important that I have enough character development before what's coming up, comes up. :D




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