Part 2
“I want to protect you”
“You misunderstand sir. I plan to pay for him of course. I merely wish to emphasize that I don’t want my future mount to be harmed.” Jarid kept his voice light and respectful, but Shadow could sense the nervousness in his words.
Tarkin lost his smile as his words became deadly serious. “No. You misunderstand, cadet. This dragon is the last Night Wing. The king wants their putrid bloodline completely eradicated. They are pathetic weaklings with no magic. Assigning a dragon rider to one of these as a mount is an insult and a risk to their safety. The only potential use they have is in being dissected for their parts.” Then Tarkin’s eyes narrowed. “Besides. You already have a partner, don’t you?”
Jarid grimaced and took a step back, putting his arm out to protect Shadow. It’s not what it sounds like, he thought, glancing over his shoulder. I would never replace you, Shadow. I just…
He was interrupted as Tarkin started advancing, flanked by the other knights. “Stand aside, cadet. Interfering with the King’s Knights is an offense to the king. For a commoner like you such a crime is punishable by death. Now, move!”
His command was so forceful Shadow fluttered back and hissed in pain as he stretched out his wings. The clamps had dug into the soft flesh leaving it raw and the fight with Jarid hadn't helped.
Jarid sank into a fighting stance with determination on his face. “I don’t want to fight you. But if you wish to harm this dragon you leave me with no choice,” he said, loud enough for the spectators to hear. Some of them looked on with displeased gazes at the knights but none of them were willing to speak out against those in service to royalty.
Suddenly, five young warriors dressed in the Dragon Rider Academy’s colors leapt from the stands into the arena and stood next to Jarid.
“If you attack our flight leader, you attack all of us,” Airel warned.
Shadow almost blurted out her name in surprise. He looked around at the others who had come to his defense. There was another girl who was a bit smaller but just as determined, and three boys. The first had blond hair and a smile like he was going to enjoy the upcoming brawl. The second was a thinner boy with silvery hair and a gaze that was analyzing his surroundings. The last was a taller boy with broad shoulders and a protective aura.
“Loyal to the end I see,” Tarkin sneered. “Unfortunately for you, my allies are just as loyal, and our numbers far surpass yours.”
As he spoke the gate behind him opened and a small army of guards and knights entered. Behind them more guards were swarming out of the gates in the arena walls and mechanisms in the arena floor.
Jarid looked around and quickly came to a decision. With a roar he blasted back the knights in front of them with an explosion of fire magic and released a torrent of water to hold them back before glancing over his shoulder. “Sorry for dragging you all into this. I wish we had time for introductions, but the first priority is keeping my brother safe. Felicia, his wings need some healing before he can fly. Ben, give us some cover. The rest of you, join me in holding them off for as long as we can.”
All of them immediately sprang into action as if they had trained for this exact scenario. Ben quickly raised a low wall of earth around them as magic attacks started flying their way. A wall of wind and ice deflected anything higher than that while Airel charged at the nearest foes.
Felicia leapt onto Shadow’s back and a pleasant warmth began radiating through his wings. “Nice to finally meet you Shadow,” she said pleasantly. “My name is Felicia. Your brother has told us so much about you. I hope we get to have a nice long chat someday.”
Shadow smiled up at her gratefully. He looked around and noticed Airel fighting the closest knights in hand to hand combat. She used a small amount of water magic to deflect their attacks before getting in close and pounding them with her fists. At first, she took down a couple of knights, but she clutched her hand after striking their metal armor. A moment later she was surrounded and subdued.
No! Airel! Shadow gritted his teeth.
She was sacrificing herself for him. Again! He wanted to help but he knew Jarid must have a plan to get him out of there. He just had to listen to what Jarid told him and everything would work out in the end.
The others were holding on as best they could, but the onslaught of ranged attacks was too much for them and they were barely holding on. Even Jarid was unable to stop the advance of the main force as several wind mages banded together with Tarkin to create a whirlwind around themselves that blew away all of his attempts to stop them.
“Go, Shadow! They won't kill students of the academy. We'll be fine. Hide with Dain until we get back. I'll figure out some way to help your friends. Now get out of here!” Jarid shouted as he struggled with all his might to slow them down.
Felicia joined the rest of her squad as they stood against the onslaught of attacks. Shadow knew they were doing all this for him. All he could do was trust Jarid's plan and wait for him with Dain.
With a heavy heart Shadow leapt into the air. His wings pumped higher and higher as he reached for freedom. Jarid stopped his attacks and used all he had to make a barrier around Shadow that blocked all the wind blades and rock shards aimed his way.
Shadow pushed with all his might as the bright blue sky opened above him. Then he noticed the sun glinting off of something in the air. It looked almost like a spider web. Grey and so thin he hadn’t noticed it until now, but no spider created a web in such a perfect grid shape as this.
Shadow had no time to slow down as he flew straight into the wires laid across the top of the colosseum. The moment Shadow touched them his entire body began to seize up as a sharp burning pain jolted through every fiber of his being. If not for Jarid’s barrier he would have lost consciousness almost immediately. As it was, he was in immense pain but could still somewhat move his wings. Determined not to waste his brother’s efforts Shadow pushed with all his might but the metal fibers were unnaturally strong. He was able to lift the grid slightly but not a single wire frayed nor bent.
The lightning in the wires quickly caused all his muscles to cramp, including his wings. He could no longer control them as he seized and jerked. He began to fall as gravity took hold. It took all he had to slow his descent as he crashed to the floor of the arena.
“NO!!!” Jarid’s scream echoed even over the sounds of battle in the arena below.
The moment Shadow hit the ground the knights swarmed around him, binding him with vines and stone so he couldn’t move. Not that he was able to do much more than flail uselessly at the moment. His mental barrier was broken and sparks flitted across his scales as he grimaced in pain.
Shadow looked up across the arena to where Jarid stood, surrounded by enemies. Amid the chaos of voices he recognized his brother’s thoughts.
I can’t let it end like this. I need to concentrate. I must use the dragonthro transformation. Perhaps I can blast my way out and lose them in the passages under the arena. Focus… Concentrate… Feel the mana flowing through me. Unleash the dragon within.
Shadow could feel a strange power he had never sensed in Jarid before beginning to awaken. It flowed through him stronger than Shadow had ever felt before. I built higher and higher until Jarid’s eyes snapped open.
“Rrrragh!!!” He roared as a wave of magic power rolled over the arena floor. “Duck! Now!”
Without a second thought Black Squad dropped to the ground. Jarid started spinning like a ballerina faster and faster. Then he thrust out his fists on each side and flames exploded from them creating a whirlwind of fire that overwhelmed even the combined knights’ wind vortex.
Crouching down, Jarid exploded forward faster than the knights’ eyes could track. He shattered the bonds holding Shadow down with a fire-enhanced punch. Then he raised his hands and a giant blade of flame leapt into the sky from them. He brought it down on all the knights between himself and the nearest gate on the side of the arena. They dove out of the way or were knocked aside.
Jarid grabbed Shadow and pulled him over his shoulder. Shadow did his best to help but his muscles were exhausted from seizing. Using small explosions under his feet, Jarid rocketed towards the exit.
Just as Shadow was beginning to think they might actually escape, a squad of dragon riders arrived to block their way.
“What are you doing, Jarid?! Cease your actions this instant!”
Jarid gritted his teeth. Why did it have to be you?
“I cannot Lt. Keldor. They are about to slaughter this dragon for no reason other than the fact he is a Night Wing.”
“It is just one dragon, boy! Is this creature really worth throwing your life away?!” Lt. Keldor roared.
Jarid set Shadow down and looked the Lt dead in the eyes. “Yes, sir. If you refuse to let us pass I will force my way past you.”
Lt. Keldor sighed. Why do you have to be so stubborn, kid? Maybe a few years in prison will teach you how to pick your battles.
“By the authority invested in me by the king. Jarid Dracoulis, you are hereby under arres-”
Jarid didn’t let him finish as a flaming fist lashed out at the Lt who dodged at the last second. This was followed up by a roundhouse kick that was blocked but knocked Keldor back a few feet. Jarid blasted everyone back with wind magic and raised a barrier of earth but the dragonriders broke through like it was nothing and moved to capture him.
Lt. Keldor was the first to reach him and as Jarid threw out a punch he ducked the blow bringing his arms up behind Jarid’s head and raised them to stop his next punch. Stepping in, Keldor pulled Jarid’s head down into a thundering knee which hit with enough force to lift Jarid off the ground. Keldor then twisted his body and brought his elbow crashing into Jarid’s jaw. Jarid fell to his hands and knees. Rocks rose from the ground and engulfed his hands.
Lt. Keldor sighed once again. “I regret that it came to this. But you left me no choice. The healers can set your jaw. In a few months it should be good as new.”
Jarid looked up and Keldor’s eyes widened in surprise. There’s not a scratch on him! How… ?
His thoughts were interrupted as Jarid melted the bonds around his hands and grabbed Keldor’s ankle. Standing up, Jarid spun around pulling the Lt off his feet and sending him flying into the crowd of stunned knights knocking them back.
Realizing he couldn’t beat an experienced dragon rider in hand to hand combat, Jarid decided to bet it all on his magic. Taking a deep breath, he built up and released a combination of fire and wind magic.
Two of the remaining dragon riders countered with the same elements and not only stopped him but started pushing him back! Meanwhile a third dragon rider used earth magic to entrap Jarid’s feet.
“Grab the cuffs!” Lt. Keldor called as he sprinted back into action.
Jarid couldn’t turn from his battle with the first two dragon riders as he approached. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a jet of water pierced his magic and engulfed his hands before freezing in place. The dragon rider who had used earth magic grabbed a pair of green metal cuffs and tossed them to Lt. Keldor just as he reached Jarid.
It all happened so quickly Jarid had no time to react as the magic blocking cuffs were slammed onto his wrists and tightened.
“No!” Shadow hissed with all his remaining strength. Through his connection to Jarid’s mind he could feel the magic draining away from his body. Within seconds he had lost his transformation. Shadow tried to reach out to control the minds of Jarid’s assailants but it was all he could do to remain conscious. A minute after the magic cuffs were placed on Jarid’s wrists he couldn’t use magic at all.
Shadow could see darkness creeping in on the edges of his vision as he began to faint. With all his strength he reached out towards Jarid, who looked back at him with tears in his eyes.
As Shadow collapsed, he barely caught Jarid’s final thoughts.
I’m sorry, Shadow. I have failed you.
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There's really good escalation here with the beat-by-beat rescue attempt. The stakes keep rising cleanly, and we are also get introduced to Felicia, who is a nice human touch amid the chaos. The combat choreography is nice, but Shadow seems a bit passive in this chapter compared to others. Maybe some more grounding on stakes and obstacles would give Shadow an active role a bit more? <3
omg i sent this before i was finished writing because i was scared the time was gonna be up, i'll finish it off tomorrow
lol relatable =D
I did try to give Shadow a bit more of a role after Tikaya's comments, but I'm starting to think it might be ok too.
Jarid is the overprotective brother who wants to do everything to ensure his brother is safe. Even if Shadow wanted to fight, Jarid wouldn't let him because it's 'too dangerous' and Shadow wouldn't disobey the brother he trusts so much.
I would love some ideas on how to ground the stakes if you have any. The obstacles being the knights and barred gates seem obvious. The less obvious ones are Shadow's injuries initially preventing flight and after the electric grate is revealed and his inability to move after being injured soon after.
And good… noon? Midday?

Here for the second part, in any case!
Hmm we get Shadow reading Jarid’s thought but no internal commentary for what this means to Shadow. Tragic. I guess Shadow is relatively cool with being temporarily replaced but I kinda wish he would get to show that?
Question: what is stopping Shadow from flying away now? Is there a… dome over the arena? Or are they afraid that the knights have magic that could shoot him down? Maybe you want to slip in an explanation… earlier, Bellum was in control so ofc he wouldn’t run.
I’m not sure if the displeased gazes are for the knight interference (bc the audience was kinda smitten with the idea of Jarid riding that dragon for the good of the kingdom) or bc Jarid is slowing everything down by not doing as the knights say. Maybe you could make that more clear?
“sprinted into the arena”… they can do that? So easily? Where exactly do they come from?
….Why is Tarkin talking abt the loyalty of his allies… when what’s happening here is clearly mutiny and he shouldn’t lower himself to their level or even engage with these criminals?
Aw I love the paragraph of Felicia jumping on Shadow’s back, from her warmth to her words :3
Hm I find it a bit convenient that Shadow is watching Airel taken down. That part feels… so casual and he also has 0 thoughts abt it.
Uhhh so… we were saving Shadow from being murdered in the colosseum and now instead of Shadow, Jarid and potentially his friends too are slated to die for treason, did I get this right?
Also we still haven’t saved any of the other dragons and dragonets soooo uhhh (If Bellum weren’t so cartoonishly evil, I would have said: should have let that dragon cook sigh)
Ah good, a magical net around the colosseum. I approve of this sensible security measure. Also I am disappointed in Jarid that there was kinda apparently no thought put into acquiring Shadow? No talking with the higher ups what was allowed, no studying the wording of the text etc? The crowd work earlier was nice but… if your only Plan B is fighting after WEEKS of planning then… Well. Yeah, I am disappointed.
Tho maybe this is the moment where Shadow will be forced to telepathically control the opposition. Showing just how powerful he is… and maybe making him afraid of himself. Let’s see what happens.
Does Shadow know what ballerinas are?
Ah okay, prison is the way to go for Jarid. That is at least an improvement to what Shadow would have faced in the colosseum.
I think the main problem with these chapters is that you don’t really do enough to convey the stakes and the obstacles. You have had these dragons captured for several chapters but you never once showed what could be done to break them free. They were just wallowing—which is fine if you then didn’t have this daring escape where the audience, we, are left wondering just what is even in the way? I don’t mean things like the net, that is something unforeseen. But NO ONE has a plan, things happen with no grounding whatsoever. I am so confused abt what the place really looks like and where they even could be going.
Earlier, Tarkin said that Jarid will die for this but then Lt Keldor thinks of prison? You already have no real throughline to this so your own characters undermining the stakes doesn’t really help :/
I also don’t like how passive Shadow is this entire time. Yes, he threw out Bellum (easily) which, good for him but a) did no one really understand that part and b) he didn’t do ANYTHING afterwards. Didn’t help. Didn’t have ideas. Didn’t have reactions. He might as well have been a very expensive vase that everyone was fighting over. In the end, he couldn’t even move on his own.
Felicia was my highlight this chapter.
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Again, I made some edits to the things you mentioned (particularly the first few)If it wasn't obvious, Shadow never doubted Jarid. In his mind, if Jarid had a separate partner there had to be a good reason, and Jarid provides satisfactory reasoning there along with an apology.
A lot of the dialogue you were hoping for in this chapter, I have Jarid and Shadow talk about in the next chapter. (they have a bit of time to do so before their execution date)
This includes Shadow's reaction to the reveal about Jarid having another partner.
Spoiler
I'm surprised how much emphasis you put on Jarid's lack of a plan, but looking back, he did have basically a week to work this out. I've rewritten a few things to basically make it out that the only hiccup in Jarid's plan was that he didn't know about the grid above the colosseum. Plan A walk out with Shadow, Plan B hold them off until Shadow can fly out.
I've also added a lot more of Shadow's commentary and why he didn't do much during the encounter. And Jarid comments that, since they are students at the academy, they won't be executed.
As for your confusion about what was in the way of them escaping...
I described how they tried to escape in the first chapter and mentioned it again when they met Surge. But I kind of just left it as "they can't break out" thus no way to escape. They also couldn't fly out of the arena with their wings pinned and the cell blocked their magic.
If you needed something more I'd love some ideas as to what. If it was just that those details weren't fresh in your mind, I get it. It's been a while between chapters.
Thank you once again! Next time I post it will likely be the end of my book (however many chapters that may be).
Many thanks to the Green Room Witch!