Shadow woke with purpose. He only had five days to heal Ash’s mind and he was going to make the most of it.
The first day he had to wait until the afternoon before Ash woke up. Part of him was actually grateful for this. Almost every day since Shadow had been in the same cell her sleep had been fitful and shallow. She needed all the rest she could get.
When she woke, Surge fed her and guarded her. She didn’t want to let Shadow near her after what happened yesterday. To Shadow’s frustration, she refused to accept that it was because of his efforts that she had spoken at all. She was convinced it was her hard work taking care of her that was the cause.
So, Shadow sat nearby and closed his eyes to enter Ash’s mind.
Ash? I’m here. You did wonderful yesterday. I know you will get better if we keep going.
Are you there? Ash responded tentatively. The words were not so much spoken as they were felt. Her mind could process feelings but was still far too broken for words.
I can’t feel you, she pleaded. Please don’t leave me.
Don’t worry. I’m nearby. I can still help you, Shadow replied comfortingly.
The mental plain shook as Ash’s fear rose. A wave of loneliness and terror pushed Shadow back. You’re not here. I can’t feel you.
Shadow pushed against the waves as he tried to concentrate on his empathy again. You will be ok, Ash. Please let me help you. We can do it just like yesterday.
The power of the waves doubled and Shadow was forced to the brink as Ash’s mind was drowned in a sea of panic. No! I cannot do it alone. You won’t force me. I won’t let you!
Please, Ash. Let me-
NO!
Shadow clutched his head as Ash forced him out. She whimpered and her body trembled.
Surge rushed to comfort her and glared at Shadow, but when she noticed him clutching his head her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
Shadow didn’t notice what Surge was doing as he reeled from one of the worst headaches he had felt yet. The pain of being forcibly thrown out of her mind, coupled with the roar of the minds in the stadium above, was unbearable. He could hardly think, let alone put up a mental barrier. Luckily, he didn’t have to.
So… I see your attempts to help your friend are going poorly.
Shadow felt a wave of calm wash over him as he was enveloped by Bellum’s mind. Instantly the voices around him were silenced and Shadow nearly collapsed from relief.
You must be more careful in the future, my imprudent student. Otherwise, if you lose the mental battle it may cost you your body as well. Dragon minds are fickle things. If you create a situation in which they allow you in, then doing so again the same way becomes easier but doing so any other way becomes much more difficult. Do be careful about setting up your entrances from now on. A few simple words with emphasis on what you want from them are all you really need for them to… Forget about resisting you. Helping them to Trust you. Some subliminal words they can Obey is all you need.
Yes, Master. I will be more careful, Shadow replied as the comforting feeling of trusting his master relaxed him.
Bellum chuckled, as if at some inside joke. I’m certain you will. Now get back in there. No use regretting the entrance you’ve made. Simply convince the Storm Wing to let you get close to her. But I henceforth forbid you from reading her thoughts or influencing them. You must convince her with your words. Her mind is sharp. If you touch it while she is wary of you, she will sense it.
Shadow closed his eyes and took a deep breath to focus on the task ahead. I will do as you’ve instructed, Master.
Bellum seemed satisfied and left. As his presence lifted, Shadow put up his mental barrier once more. The voices died away, but he still hadn’t been able to obtain the complete silence and peace of Bellum’s barrier.
Shadow took a few moments to think about what he was going to say to Surge but before he could come up with a good reason why he needed to sit next to Ash, Surge asked him a question.
“Are you a…” she paused thoughtfully for a moment before shaking her head and continuing.
“Are you trying to help Ash?”
Her expression was cautious and a little suspicious but nowhere near as hostile as before.
This is perfect! Shadow thought. “Yes. I am. I really want to help her get back to normal. But… Well… I need to be next to her. To comfort her… you know?”
Surge stared at Shadow for a long time.
Shadow could tell her thoughts were churning in her head and for the first time in his life, he actually wanted to know what she was thinking. It felt so strange not knowing, almost as though he was being left out. But his master had told him not to let himself touch her mind, and from the way she was looking at him there was probably a good reason his master didn’t want him to know what she was thinking.
Finally, Surge let out a resigned sigh. “I can’t see any intent to harm her in your eyes. But I will be watching you. If you try anything you will be punished.”
She turned to Ash and her face instantly softened. “I’ll be right here,” she said as she stepped aside to allow Shadow to approach. She laid down, kept her eyes on him like a lioness watching her cubs.
Shadow cautiously walked over and sat next to Ash, all the while looking to Surge for any sign she was going to explode at him again. It honestly felt a bit too easy.
I wonder if Master had anything to do with this, he thought, but he quickly shrugged it off. If Bellum saw fit to make his task easier then he wasn’t going to question it.
Putting his arm and tail around Ash, Shadow comforted her the best he could and entered her mind once more.
Sh-Shadow? Are you there? Ash’s voice was faint but the pain and fear which had forced him from her mind before were barely noticeable.
Yes, Ash. I’m here, Shadow replied. He bowed his head in remorse. I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to force you. I’m here for you now, he said, giving her a brief squeeze.
I-I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have hurt you like that. What if he hates me now? If even Shadow hates me… She muttered half to herself.
It’s okay Ash. I don’t hate you. I know you’re hurting and I just want to help you. We can do this. Together.
Ash seemed unsure if she believed him but after a while she nodded. Okay. I’ll try… I’ll try to trust you.
Shadow smiled. Thank you, Ash. You did a great job last time. We can keep going slow if you want. Just like last time.
Ash looked at him in the mental world and even in reality her head turned slightly to look at him. Yes… I would like that. Her eyes grew wet with tears but these were not tears of fear. Her eyes also had something else in them that made Shadow want to jump with joy.
Hope.
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139,414 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Okay so let's see if we can get one more review in before Review Day draws to a close. Perhaps I rambled a bit too much in the last one, haha.
So...I remain legitimately confused as to whether Ash is supposed to know that Shadow is in her mind trying to help her. It seems like he's trying to keep this a secret from the others, but if Ash knew, certainly she'd tell Surge that Shadow was talking to her in her thoughts? And do the others not know that he can read minds? Maybe I read the early chapters too quickly, but I thought they did know he has powers. So it might need to be more clear what the other dragons do and do not know about Shadow's powers.
Minor thing...I think Surge is the storm wing and Ash is the Fire Wing? I'm a little confused about that. Honestly maybe Bellum should just use their names. I'm assuming he knows them if he can read Shadow's mind.
Minor thing here: if this is all Surge talking, it should all be on one line. End the "and continuing" sentence with a comment, then pick up the dialogue "...are you trying to help Ash?"
Overall, I agree with previous commenters that there's a lot of great emotions here. I still don't know if Ash letting Shadow into her mind is really a good thing, but Surge's protectiveness and Ash's uncertainty and hope is an intriguing dynamic to read. As always, keep writing!
Thanks for all your comments. They've been really helpful.
I've commented on it a few times in previous Wings that Shadow is keeping his powers hidden, but at this point he is starting to question whether he should tell his friends about everything. They have been through a lot together after all. But Bellum doesn't want him too and so he is keeping it to himself.
However, Surge may have found out on her own this chapter and Bellum doesn't want him to know. Why? Like everything else, he is trying to keep Shadow isolated. If he realized others knew of his powers (and didn't reject him for it) Shadow might start opening up to them and it could easily lead them to discovering Bellum's manipulation.
(all the above I was hoping readers would put together on their own. But if you feel I need to explain more I'd love some ideas as to how)
Hello hello! Happy Review Day!
I've definitely read some bits of Shadow's Rising in the past but am definitely missing a lot of immediate context here - please pardon any critique that comes from that ignorance!
The way this is written feels contradictory at first - Ash is sleeping until after noon but then also doesn't sleep much at all? After rereading, I know it means that because Ash is in a bad state, her infamously sleep-avoidant mind clearly needs all the rest it can get, but it did take me a bit to unravel that. I think it's because the phrase "most of the time" is not clear enough. Here is supposed to mean "most of her life so far" but it can easily be interpreted as "most of the time since the accident" (or whatever happened!).
You do a wonderful job with capturing emotions. When he trying to comfort Ash, Shadow's patience, frustration, and pain are completely tangible. Here, I too felt a wave of relief when someone stepped in to alleviate the headache and offer their own comfort.
Ooo that's fascinating! It's like a meditative wall.
I noticed that in the mental world Ash refers to Shadow in both the third person and the second. Is that intentional? Maybe it's an effect of her rattled state of mind?
I think I mentioned this the last time I read one of your chapters, but I would love to see more dragonish character descriptions, especially in the way they move. With the exception of the tail references, all actions are described as if a human is doing them. What movement descriptions can you sprinkle in that more accurately describe a huge scaled creature with four legs, claws, horns, and wings?
Great job on this chapter! It was definitely a learning point for Shadow, and I liked seeing how a more thoughtful, gentle approach netted the results he was looking for.
Cheers!
Wolfi <3
Thanks for your reviews! I'll get to the rest of them later, but I really enjoyed reading it.
When Ash refers to Shadow in the third person, it was meant to be her thoughts suddenly switching from talking to Shadow to talking to herself, but there is no real difference in the mental plane. I did make a note of that to make it more clear though.
I may add that the pads on Shadow's feet are getting sore from walking on hard stone and iron rods of the cell floor.
That would be a lovely detail!
Oh my… I know Shadow is worried abt the fact that Ash might spill his secrets…. But she does feel like someone who could use a mental presence to lean on ☹
Hmmm that said, if she is so afraid because he’s not sitting next to her, maybe pointing out how Surge is with her and taking care of her would help?
“Shadow didn’t notice what Surge was doing” You mean, that she looks at him suspiciously? If he doesn’t notice, why mention it since we are in his perspective?
Hmmm what kinda punishment is Surge thinking up inside their prison cell? oô Just wondering.
I wonder if she thought that he might be a mind reader but then dismissed the thought xd
And I had the impression that the thoughts of others are just… bombarding Shadow against his will so, just keeping the barrier low would have allowed him to read Surge’s mind without being notice right? Since reading doesn’t involve touching, not at least in how you described it.
Wait… how does Ash know his name is Shadow?
Oh my… I just realized that Shadow is currently a puppet for Bellum so what if Bellum either makes him hurt her or hurts her through him. In idk a way to teach him a lesson abt not making promises lightly or smthing…
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Some explanations for your questions;
I like that you said Surge could be someone to lean on. I honestly didn't think of that while writing so the cannon is that Shadow didn't think of it either.
The reason why I mentioned that Shadow didn't notice Surge's suspicious stare is that I wanted the reader to know but not Shadow, even if I am currently using his perspective. Perhaps I can find a better way to do this later.
To answer why Shadow doesn't read Surge's mind, its more that he can't do it without being noticed rather than he can't do it at all. If she is actively feeling for someone reading her thoughts (because Bellum knows she is suspicious of that) then she would feel Shadow listening in.
If you want to know the deeper explanation for why just ask.
I thought I explained at some point, but Shadow asked Bellum if Ash will remember it was him in her head, but this is just her subconscious speaking. She may feel a connection to him and her subconscious recognizes his name but her conscious mind won't remember everything that happened.
The thought of Bellum using Shadow to hurt Ash is a scary thought, but I don't think he is that far gone... yet. Unless Bellum cashes in on one of the favors he asked Shadow for earlier. (but I think he would save those for a better moment)
Ok I don't accept that explanation about "Surge noticing that her mind is read". It doesn't work in conjunction with Shadow being constantly in pain from having the minds of others forced upon him. Either, it's passive and involuntary and therefore more like listen so... how are you gonna detect that? Or it's active and purposeful, therefore detectable, but you can just ...stop doing it because it's a conscious action and then why would you need a barrier?
I think there is a way that makes sense but as you describe it atm, it doesn't convince me
Yes, yes, you did say that Shadow already asked abt how much Ash will remember. I just thought that the...larger the impact he has on her mind, the more likely it is that she will remember him.