Shadow felt a tingle in the back of his head as a sense of warmth and safety washed over him at his master's words.
Yes, Master. I eagerly await your instruction.
Bellum directed Shadow’s attention to the food that had just been delivered into their cell. It stank like a week old corpse but as hungry as they all were the sickly smell seemed sweet. They all gathered around to eat and Aurora helped Surge feed a bit of it to Ash, even giving the traumatized dragon a bit of her own portion.
Today I will teach you how to subtly influence a mind. You already know how to enter and manipulate one due to the knowledge I gifted you earlier but you needn’t always be so overt. A gentle nudge or whisper in the right ear at the right time can do wonders. Look at the Stone Wing, Bellum encouraged.
Shadow looked and saw his large friend taking a generous portion as he always did. He was a bit bigger than the rest of them so no one ever complained unless it was in jest.
Help him share his food with the Tree Wing. She gave up some of hers to help the poor Flame Wing, so why not help him do the right thing. He needs to share.
Shadow agreed without hesitation. Boulder probably wouldn’t have thought to share, so Shadow needed to help him. It wasn’t like he was being selfish and asking for more himself. He was just helping his friend do the right thing.
Shadow closed his eyes and focused on Boulder. There was a pleasant hum in his mind as he enjoyed his food.
This stuff is weirdly sweet today. I hope it doesn’t give me a stomach ache, he thought between bites.
Bellum’s voice spoke as Shadow listened to his friend’s thoughts. Now, slowly connect your mind and listen to his thoughts. Almost everyone has a voice inside their head. I can teach you how to deal with those who don’t later. For now, focus on matching your own mental voice to his. It needs to sound similar enough for him to mistake it as his own. Once you are ready, whisper that Aurora gave some of her food away. Then, once he notices that what you said is true, whisper that he should give some of his to her. But make sure to speak as he would to himself.
Shadow focused on deepening the connection while keeping his own mind quiet so as not to alert him. He then whispered in his best impression of Boulder’s inner voice, It looks like Aurora gave some of her food away.
Boulder looked over at Aurora while chewing a piece of meat. That was nice of her, he thought idly before returning to his meal.
Shadow felt a slight burning frustration that his friend wouldn’t think to give her anything, but he calmed himself and whispered again. You have a lot. Perhaps you could give some to her.
Boulder paused mid bite. That was weird. Why did I say, ‘you’? Well, whatever. I guess it would be nice to give her some.
Shadow froze as Boulder noticed his mistake and tried to quickly leave Boulder’s mind but they were so connected it felt like they were magnetized together. Shadow’s panic increased and he pulled himself out. Luckily, Boulder didn’t seem to notice anything and merely scratched the top of his head as if it were itching.
“Hey, Aurora?” Boulder asked as he pushed a piece of his meal over to her. “You gave that dragon in the corner some of yours so I thought I’d let you have a bit of mine.”
Aurora’s eyes widened in surprise and she beamed at Boulder. “Oh! Thank you Boulder! That was really nice of you.”
Boulder shyly scratched the back of his head. “It was nothing. I already have a lot anyway so…”
Shadow was just breathing a sigh of relief when Bellum growled in his head.
That is why I told you to make sure you spoke as he would to himself. You are lucky your friend is too stupid to realize your whispers weren’t his own thoughts. If you are going to practice this you need to steer clear of the Storm Wings and that Ice Wing. If you mess up in their heads, your powers may be discovered!
Shadow shrank back under Bellum's criticism.
I don't think he's stupid. Boulder is really nice... Shadow muttered to himself dejectedly as he ate his strange tasting food in silence. Bellum noticed his forlorn attitude and softened his tone.
Listen young one. It is very important that your powers never be discovered. My words are harsh to help you understand that. Listen to this teaching from your master. Those who want to control others will target those with the power to do so. Beings like us. If they find out about your powers they will do everything they can to control you, even hurting your friends. You must grow stronger and keep these powers hidden. Even if you trust your friends, they might tell others by accident or because they were forced to. Better to keep everyone in the dark until you are strong enough. But that’s a lot to remember so let’s make it simple. Repeat after me.
‘Grow power for the proper hour. Covert so they aren’t hurt. Secret they can’t keep it.’
Shadow nodded. Grow power for the proper hour. Covert so they aren’t hurt. Secret they can’t keep it.
Good, Bellum encouraged, his voice seemed to echo inside Shadow’s mind. Again.
Grow power for the proper hour. Covert so they aren’t hurt. Secret they can’t keep it. Shadow droned, his lips unconsciously mouthing the words
Three more times, little dragonet. I’ll make sure you don’t forget. Don’t Forget. Just Trust and Obey, Bellum spoke in a soothing and enticing voice that sent pleasant tingles through Shadow’s head.
Shadow couldn’t help but smile slightly. His eyes drooped as he let himself get lost in the feeling of bliss. His own words echoing in his head.
Grow power for the proper hour. Covert so they aren’t hurt. Secret they can’t keep it.
Grow power for the proper hour. Covert so they aren’t hurt. Secret they can’t keep it.
Grow power for the proper hour. Covert so they aren’t hurt. Secret they can’t keep it.
Shadow could feel that he would never forget those words. They were his masters after all.
I will never forget. So easy not to forget. I simply have to trust and obey. I trust and obey my Master.
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hiiii!
I have been very bad and haven't really been keeping up. I can already tell this is super different from the older version I read way back when! Not just in plot, but in style as well. I'm excited to jump back in - and hopefully after review day ends I'll find some time to go back through the previous chapters.
For now:
Even without background, this interaction between Shadow and Bellum is fascinating. I think it's super well planned and polished too- this kind of interaction where you're clearly straddling the line between where Bellum has to keep Shadow's loyalty and also be influencing him in ways that are probably not so good, is something I myself find difficult to pull off, and I think you've done an amazing job! Even jumping in at the middle, I feel the stress of like "noooo! Trust your friends!"
Without reading further, I can't know if your intent with Bellum is truly nefarious or if he is meant to be someone who Shadow can learn from, but who ultimately has his own faults in his teaching. The end section leads me to believe it's the former, but you really have done such a good job with that line between advice and manipulation. I'm so impressed!
Also? That phrase with all the internal rhyming that Shadow repeats to himself is sooooo great.
The big thing that I could use more of in this chapter is just any sense of urgency or panic or real discomfort about being in a cell. I know it's not the focus, but as Boulder moves around in this space, does his size matter at all in how cramped it feels? Does Shadow's hunger or worry interfere with his ability to focus on training, or can he push it out of mind very easily? Are the other dragons restless or pacing or whispering escape plans that, because Shadow is otherwise engaged, he isn't involved in?
This doesn't have to be big, either. Maybe Shadow sees Surge or Aurora doing something that shows some urgency or discomfort when Bellum mentions them. It could be a slight movement Shadow makes as he settles in to practice that brings attention to something uncomfortable about the floor. Just little things!
Now onto the next part in the green room!
-Vento
So good to see you again!
And thanks for all the compliments.
I really wanted Bellum to seem trustworthy to Shadow while you (the reader) knows he may have other motives. I'm so glad it came across well.
As for the sense of urgency, I may actually lean more in the opposite direction. What I mean by that is that I'll mention more often how, after trying everything he can think of to escape, Shadow and the others accept the fact they can't escape and make themselves comfortable. I'll need to add something like ...
"Shadow yawned as he woke, just another boring day in the cell. He was surprised at how quickly they had all grown accustomed to their routine in the cell."
And when anything out of the ordinary (like one of them being taken from the cell) happens they are reminded of the predicament they are in and their desperation to escape briefly returns.
And we continue right where I left off!
I do like that Bellum starts with v easy tasks where Shadow cannot easily find fault in them. And that Shadow so readily rationalizes that away. How the righteous have already fallen, huh? XD
First of all another “felt” here: “Shadow felt a slight burning frustration that his friend wouldn’t think to give her anything“ but second of all: INTERESTING that he would get mad at his friend for that. It’s not like evil not to share your food and I bet he would have shared it if Aurora asked for it. he even thinks it was nice of her to share the food so aww.
….I hate how this will make Boulder the perfect test subject going forward. It would take him a long time to catch on that someone is messing with his head and it would be good practice for Shadow with an easy safety net in case something goes wrong ☹
Hmmmm I wonder if he makes him chant a magic spell there. Otherwise what he described was way simpler to get. The chant is super obtuse XD
Ah poor Shadow. It seems like his mind is already no longer his own and he didn’t even really notice a change….
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I really wanted to show how Shadow was being 'corrupted' by Bellum here so I'm glad that came across well.
As for why Shadow felt frustrated about Boulder not sharing, I tried to make it a bit more clear that this was also partially due to Bellum's insistence that him sharing was the right thing to do. Thus, not doing it was wrong.