Shadow's Rising {Wing 4} Chapter 6 (part 2)

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

WOW. This chapter was grim! As far as plot goes, these were incredible developments to show the brutality of their enemy, push the characters forward, and -hopefully- dispel the idea of splitting up in any way. And you left us on a note that has me itching to see what future chapters will look like! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Not much to put here! You nailed the mood and reactions all throughout the chapter, from the dread of seeing Quake's body to the overwhelming relief of seeing that Kaida is okay. There was only one thing I thought I'd put here...

Shadow closed his eyes and shook his head to clear it as he tried to push away not only his own memories of what he had scene,

I think there may have been a typo for "seen" in this sentence. That's all, great writing job!

Why The Grin Widened...

First, NOOO!!

“Quake… Quake is… dead.” Boulder choked out the words between deep, shaking breaths.

Ooo, I was expecting something grim from the moment Shadow found the smoke, and when he mentioned that it didn't seem recent. Then between the grizzly descriptions of Quake's corpse and the dragonets individual reactions, it formed this big emotional moment where you feel bad that a guardian has died, and you also feel bad that the dragonets -still children in their own way- had to see it for themselves. Brutal.

I also liked how you clarified from Shadow's end, how seeing someone die in an indirect way like a memory -while obviously horrible- is nothing in comparison to seeing it for yourself, especially in such an awful way. I feel so bad for him right now...

As Dragon Valley came into view Shadow stopped as if punched in the gut. Where the thick green trees once obscured the valley, a hole had been burned straight through. It was hard to see anything in the valley itself as grey smoke and ash still rose out of the hole in a steady stream.

NO, and they burned down Dragon Valley too?! Oh man! Poor Shadow! He's already feeling like a loner in this group, without Jarid, now he loses his own home??

But I also find this suspicious...if the only people who knew about Dragon Valley are -as far as we know- Kaida and Jarid. Simon, maybe he has a vague idea, but not specific...So either Kaida just couldn't keep a secret (not surprising for a young child), or there's some trickery afoot >.>

You narrated Shadow's reaction to the scene very well, how he doesn't even know how to feel and is stuck in denial that any of it is even real. The details about the memories he made here with Jarid, and the broken tool bench, were also great ways to add to the impact.

Amid the (very brilliant) glum mood of this chapter, it was great to see Aurora's empathy as she comforts Shadow, as well as learning that Kaida is okay -and was even able to save some things. And one line of speech really caught my eye...

Some big scary red dragons showed up and started setting the forest on fire a little while after you left.

Sure enough, more Flame Wings, with a chilling message...Scoooorch, curse your plot!! But considering what's happened to Scorch and Ash, the Flame Wing prisoner taken by Mordon, and where Jarid and Smolder left off, I'm very excited to see how everything will line up later in the story. It's like very grim clues in a mystery story, and I have theories forming already!

“I’m going to Dragon Rider Academy.”

WHAT?! Now THAT is one heck of a cliffhanger! Not only is Jarid already gone, but uh...it's Dragon Rider Academy!! Even though we've seen progress in the characters there, it's still the primary hub for dragon captivity and torture!! O.O

(not gonna lie, I feel like it'd be interesting to see the reaction of characters like Valdur and Gunther, to a living Night Wing dragonet...but still, too much that could go wrong...)

I'm excited (and anxious) to see where this dangerous new quest leads!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, that was an awesome chapter to set up a new mission for Shadow, and -while sad- to quash the idea that the dragonets can just "send him home" at this point. The mountains are out of reach, the valley is burned down, so where else is he gonna go eh? Haha, anyway, nicely done!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this was expected devastation but wow it was really on quite another level here. Things really reaching a critical moment now and we're only six chapters in so given how long these usually tend to be I can only image it will actually get worse over time.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

The smell of smoke and ash grew steadily stronger, but Shadow was relieved to see that the smoke was grey, and the fire didn’t seem to be spreading. That likely meant the fire was not recent.

Aurora landed in the clearing outside the cave and was quickly joined by the others. She stood frozen in front of the door to the cave. All the vines had been burned away and there were claw marks all over it. The door was slightly open although it still obscured what was inside. The ground outside was blackened but most of the smoke trailed out of the cave itself.

Well this is both a fakeout and a horrible scenario. Nothing's being actively attacked which is always a great sign but it does look like something came through here. Something big has definitely been causing no small amount of mayhem there.

Boulder was the first to peak inside and what he saw made him quickly turn around clutching one talon over his mouth as he retched in disgust. Tempest was next as the others comforted Boulder and she too looked sick before quickly closing the door.

Now morbidly curious, Shadow also approached the door. He peeked inside and immediately wished he didn’t have such good night vision.

Just inside he saw the charred remains of a dragon shoved against the side of the tunnel. The smell of rotting flesh and sight of exposed bone and guts made him almost throw up as he stumbled back from the entrance to the cave. From the size and few un-blackened scales, it was obvious who the dragon had been.

Welp that definitely isn't what you want to find when you're returning home. Oh dear. Its worse than I thought it was going to be. I don't think I can recognize who that is but its clear they do which naturally only makes things even worse at this point.

“Quake… Quake is… dead.” Boulder choked out the words between deep, shaking breaths. Tempest nodded confirmation as she trembled in shock.

“He… he must have defended the cave from whoever attacked. And they…”

The dragonets stood for a moment in stunned silence. Each wrapped up in their own thoughts.

Shadow had seen the death of his mother in Jarid’s memories before, but it was much different to experience seeing a dead dragon himself. Jarid’s memories couldn’t describe the hole in the pit of his stomach, the rotting stench that he couldn’t seem to get out of his nostrils, or the emptiness of seeing what had once had life now nothing more than a pile of flesh.

Well that's an important tidbit about Shadow's mother and Jarid. That explains a couple of things that's for sure. The horror level is really reaching quite high on this one. These poor dragonets really aren't catching a break at all today from the looks of thing. They just aren't getting more than maybe a single nap to actually relax.

Shadow closed his eyes and shook his head to clear it as he tried to push away not only his own memories of what he had scene, but also the dark thoughts of Tempest and Boulder as they compared the harsh dragon they had know their whole lives, to the corpse in the cave entrance.

“Let’s go to Dragon Valley,” Gale called out with as much confidence as he could muster. “We can’t stay here. We must go someplace safe. Then we can talk about what happened.”

Well looks like that's the only real option they have at this point. This place is very much not safe and clearly this place was attacked with fairly overwhelming force to leave what must've been a very experienced dragon in such a terrible state.

Shadow nodded. He knew that he would feel a lot better back in his safe and familiar valley. “Yes. We don’t know if whoever did this is going to come back. Let’s go.”

Tempest put on a brave face, but Shadow could feel how much she was still troubled while Boulder tried to forget what he had seen and instead focus on the present. Aurora and Hailstorm were busy making sure the first two were alright while Gale was already in the air.

Well looks like no one's in great condition at the moment and no one's in the mood to actually stick around here and let much more time pass. It all looks to be a little too unpleasant to digest fully and they all are seeking safety which given the time they've had so far you can't blame either of them.

Shadow went over to help Boulder, but he waved him off. “I’m fine. Let’s just go.”

The rest of the dragonets took to the air and made their way to Dragon Valley.

A few minutes later Gale, who was still far ahead of everyone else, stopped. Shadow wondered why for a moment but as he looked past the small, grey dragonet he noticed another trail of smoke coming from a familiar place.

Well oh dear. Looks like all of the places were hit now from the looks of things. I really hope they don't end up finding more dead dragons but at least from what I remember there weren't any other dragons there when they left, so all should be a little bit better. I just hope poor Kaida..I finally remembered her name.. will be okay. A small child. Surely not.

Without a second thought Shadow rushed forward. Blasting past Gale without even noticing as he desperately reached towards his home praying that what he was seeing was anything but what he knew it to be.

As Dragon Valley came into view Shadow stopped as if punched in the gut. Where the thick green trees once obscured the valley, a hole had been burned straight through. It was hard to see anything in the valley itself as grey smoke and ash still rose out of the hole in a steady stream.

Well if nothing else we can conclude a whole lot of fire was involved which means humans having some sort of flamethrower technology or flame wings under their command or an actual pack of flame wings for some reason although I can't imagine what that reason may be.

Shadow slowly glided down through the hole. His heart sinking just as quickly. He looked around at all the once familiar spots. Places where he had made cherished memories with Jarid.

A bush where they used to find berries in the spring. Now a skeleton of what it had once been. The reeds along the shore where they had played with cattails. Now a trampled mix of mud and ash.

Welp the destruction is certainly immense in this moment. No stone has been left unturned by whoever came her to cause all of this misery here. It really feels like a big message to all of the dragonets.

As Shadow landed, ash billowed up like a cloud of dust. Each step felt like walking on a cloud. Nothing felt real anymore. Like he was seeing it all through the mist of a dream.

Then Shadow came upon Jarid’s workshop. The trees were blackened, and Jarid’s wooden tool bench crumbled as he touched it. A few of Jarid’s metal works remained but most of them were trampled or snapped in half.

The other dragonets landed as Shadow collapsed to his knees. He hardly even noticed as they looked around at the scorched valley that had once been Shadow’s home.

Oh dear. The scale of the destruction here puts all the other things that we saw properly to shame there, just the sheer level of how every little thing has been pulled apart and melted into nothing.

Shadow sat there feeling numb. Unable to comprehend what he was seeing. It was a nightmare. Yet as he held up a pill of ash in each talon, and felt it slowly blow away in the wind, he couldn’t deny that it was real.

It started as an ache in his chest that grew stronger and stronger. Making him want to claw out his heart just to relieve the pain. Then his head began to hurt as his eyes blurred and burned.

Well it looks like poor Shadow is about to have a bit of a panic attack there which given the situations that have been taking place back to back, its only a miracle its taken this long.

A wordless cry caught in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He desperately gasped but something was choking up his throat and making it impossible to speak. All he could do was strain to cry out. Sucking in every painful breath until at last something broke through.

“Ahhhugh! Hhuuu… Ahhhh!!! Hhuuu… Ahhhh!!!” His cries echoed throughout Dragon Valley as he gasped for breath between each cry. Clutching his chest as tears of agony poured down his face.

Ahhh looks like he's lost the only place he could call home and there's not even anyone to comfort him in this moment now as he's trying to survive through it all alone.

Then he felt a warm talon on his shoulder as a wing covered him and a tail wrapped around his waist.

Shadow couldn’t see through the tears, but he knew it was Aurora. Her warm thoughts were right there, and he found comfort in the gentle empathy emanating from her.

Collapsing against her he simply fell apart. Crying over and over again. He felt a few of the other dragonets put a talon on his shoulder or say a few comforting words but all he could do was cry.

Well glad to see that even if it took a few minutes there to fully come around, they are all there to support Shadow in this moment where he is at his weakest right now.

[qote]After a few minutes, Shadow’s crying slowly faded and was able to somewhat collect himself. Wiping his eyes he realised that he had wrapped his own tail and wing around Aurora and quickly became embarrassed.

“Um. Th-thank you Aurora. Sorry about that,” he apologised as he quickly disentangled himself.

“Don’t worry about it. Are you ok?” Aurora gently prodded with concern in her eyes.[/quote]

Well looks like Aurora really is stepping up to be the one that cares the most about Shadow for the moment, I mean she has been throughout the whole story but its getting quite unmistakable now. That's a good thing for Shadow I think to make a friend properly.

Shadow took a deep breath and steadied himself. “Yes. Well… not really… about as good as I can be I guess.”

Aurora nodded. Satisfied.

Shadow looked around once more and noticed the log that had once served as the desk where he did his writing was completely disintegrated. Shadow walked over and placed a hand on the ground where the log had once stood.

Well this is most definitely a desolate reminder, at least so far it looks like no one was actually here to perish in this attack. Its mostly just property that's gotten destroyed left and right.

He smiled sadly as he remembered Kaida coming up to him while he sat there. So excited and full of wonder upon seeing a dragon writing. He remembered it so clearly he thought he could hear her voice. Then Shadow frowned as his ears perked up. Wait… He could hear her voice!

“Shadow! Are you here?! Shadow!?” All the dragonet’s perked up as well.

Shadow rushed to the side of the valley where the voice was coming from. “Kaida!”

“Shadow! You’re back!”

Ooooh looks like Kaida survived or more likely was just lucky enough not to be there when this horror went down. Well that's always a big relief. I was really hoping nothing bad happened to her.

Kaida burst into the valley just as Shadow reached her kicking up a cloud of ash. Kaida coughed but also beamed at Shadow with the brightest smile a little girl could make.

“I thought you and the other dragons got hurt. Some big scary red dragons showed up and started setting the forest on fire a little while after you left. Uncle Simon told me to hide but I had to rescue cousin Jarid’s things. So, I waited until the scary dragons left and grabbed this!”

Well looks like she put in some work there although for the most part she was smart enough to hide from the scary dragons which does also appear to be confirming they were dragons and Flame Wings at that.

She proudly held up the small backpack Jarid had made for Shadow. Shadow’s face immediately brightened upon seeing it, but he quickly frowned at Kaida.

“Why did you do something so dangerous? You could have been hurt or worse!”

Kaida sighed. “I knoooow. Father and Uncle Simon already lectured me all about that. But I just had to. Besides, I needed to warn you about the scary red dragons anyways.”

Well looks like Kaida really came into her own there protecting the gear that Jarid owned. That seemed like quite a big deal from what we know up to now so I'm sure this is a big moment and I'm glad to see that Kaida is getting told to be careful too cause she was risking a lot there.

Hailstorm and the other dragonets came up behind Shadow. “Oh! It’s the little human girl from before. And she has your bag! Did she see what happened?”

Shadow nodded. “Yes. She saw Flame Wings burning the forest.”

“Well, that makes sense. Oh, that reminds me. I saw something earlier I think you all should see.”

Well looks like the other dragonets are mostly okay with Kaida at the moment while they're all trying to process everything that's going on around here. That's at least somewhat of a good sign.

Hailstorm lead the group to a large tree on the edge of the valley. There was a message seared into its trunk that read,

Beware resident of this valley. Bring the dragonets to the outskirts of Flame Wing territory or die.
Shadow sighed. Well, that was about as straight forward as they could have been.

“Well. You can’t stay here,” Tempest stated turning to Shadow. “What are you going to do now?”

Well looks like the message of the flame wings is pretty clear although why exactly such a message is being sent is definitely just a little bit of a mystery here. We'll see how this is going to pan out.

I guess I have no other choice now. Since Jarid won’t be able to find me if I hide somewhere else. I guess I’ll just have to find him instead. Thankfully, I know where he is.

“I’m going to Dragon Rider Academy.”

Oooh that's a bold move there. Could be a very dangerous one especially now that we know that Jarid actually can't help out in this moment and is far away. In fact him going near the flame wings might have actually triggered this whole thing oh dear.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a strong end to the chapter hammering home even more how badly this is going and things honestly just coming to a head here with everything before Shadow makes a bold choice there to find Jarid. That is going to certainly have interesting consequences.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate