Shadow's Rising {Wing 4} Chapter 1

Hello Again, My Friend!

How it took me this long to realize there was a new Wing, I do not know (-_-). But anyway, it's me, Raven, and I'd like to kick off this new installment of "Shadow's Rising" by reviewing this opening chapter! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

Ah, I was very excited to catch up with the dragonets, and you kicked this off with a fascinating development! Meeting their first human, and a very intriguing human no less! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

No complaints for content at all! As you narrate the dragonets discussing Dragon Valley and their recent change in living arrangements, you get an instant reminder of what their personalities are like, and everything seems well in line with the characters I remember lol. Tbh, in that whole piece, there was just one minor thing I noticed at the beginning:

The warm sunlight balanced by the cool breeze through dragon the leaves of dragon valley made him want to just snuggle into the soft grass and sleep for another few hours.

It feels like the first sentence here got a little spliced. Maybe "the warm sunlight balanced by the cool breeze rushing through the leaves of dragon valley made him want to just snuffle into the soft grass."

That is all! Great writing job!

Why The Grin Widened...

So first of all, great job on descriptions and setting the stage. Dragon Valley sounds as quaint yet pretty as I remember ~

Catching up with everybody and their thoughts on Dragon Valley, some caught me by surprise while others were as I would have predicted. Hailstorm analyzing everything, and Gale being contradictory/getting into arguments with him was funny and a good way to set a lighthearted and mildly chaotic mood, very fitting for a group of dragonets living in one valley on their own. The same goes for Aurora being captivated by everything, Tempest clearly enjoying herself despite keeping such a bitter exterior, and Boulder being so eager to find the food stash, haha.

And finally, Shadow! I was very curious how he would take to so much company!

It was still strange for the normally peaceful valley to be so noisy. And even though there was still plenty of space it somehow felt full.

Despite the obvious change from "normal" and the extra work -teaching the other dragonets about the world and humankind and listening to potentially up to 10 contradicting voices at once, he's enjoying himself thus far.

Oh, I was curious as to what Boulder would bring back! And when presented with the human, I loved reading the reaction:

Hailstorm watched the girl with a rapt expression of amazement and his mind was full of questions about this creature they had never seen before. Meanwhile Gale was thinking about how tender she looked which almost made Shadow retch.

Aurora and Tempest had made their way over after hearing Boulder call. Tempest didn’t seem very interested, but Aurora had the strangest look [on] her face, and her mind felt all warm, pink, empathetic, and happy.

“Awww! It’s so cute! Can I have it? Please?” She asked pleadingly.

[Minor thing I didn't catch before, "on" was subbed with "and" there.] Ah, this whole scene was exciting and tense in its own way, because you're wondering if the dragonets will hurt the girl by accident or if the girl will tell somebody about their hiding place, but this was also hilarious! Boulder and Gale thinking she's food, making Shadow uncomfortable, while Aurora finds it adorable and Tempest is just like "meh" until the situation escalates. LOL.

Now, while I did wonder if Boulder would be bringing back a human from the clues in Shadow's mind, I didn't expect this:

“I-I’m visiting my uncle, Simon, and the adults told me to go play while they talked about stuff. Uncle Simon told me that my cousin played in the woods all the time, so I thought I’d go exploring.

Simon has a niece/Jarid has a cousin?! Wow! And now that she's acquainted with the dragonets, to the point of calling Shadow her second cousin, I wonder if she'll become an important asset later on. Maybe she will tell somebody when put under pressure? Maybe she'll help the dragonets somehow? Maybe I'm overthinking this which wouldn't be a first (lol)? Either way, I liked the details here.

I also loved the sort of reversal when it came to the dragonets seeing humans as people instead of animals. Normally we're seeing dragons treated like beasts, this time, the human was looked at like an animal, to the point that Aurora decided she wanted to pet her (freaking adorable and hilarious btw, haha). And Shadow being the middle-man, having to translate and prevent chaos on either end, already props him up as the more experienced one of the group, maybe even the unspoken leader.

A final thing I wanted to mention was how some of the dragonets, in their minds, were still a bit wary of Shadow and hesitant to believe everything he was telling them. Considering it's only been a few days since they met face-to-face and escaped the cave, it makes sense and I like the thought of him having to earn more of their trust in this volume.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this was a great start to Wing 4! Great work, nicely done!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! I think I did read the first installment in it but haven't quite made it to the later ones, I'll get to them a little bit later and tackle this first cause its starting from chapter one and all the chapters are languishing in the green room! Apologies if I miss anything because of not having read the previous three books fully.

First Impression: Well this is quite the little start here. I think you've done a wonderful job bringing that to life in terms of introducing us to all the dragons here and a little bit about what to expect, what they've been through and of course a mysterious new problem.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Shadow sighed as the cozy, lethargic, comfort of sleep slowly dissipated. The warm sunlight balanced by the cool breeze through dragon the leaves of dragon valley made him want to just snuggle into the soft grass and sleep for another few hours. Then he froze as he heard voices.

Had someone found him?! Were they about to crash though the bushes around dragon valley and attack him?!

Just as his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest, Shadow noticed something familiar about the voices.

He let out a sigh of relief as he recognised the voices of Hailstorm and Gale arguing and remembered that the dragonets were living with him now.

Well that's quite the start here. Looks like Shadow's a little jumpy there, which means clearly the recent times haven't been very kind to shadow and potentially whatever voices woke him up here are new to this area. Either way lovely way to get our attention here.

It had only been a few days since they escaped from their cave and accepted Shadow’s offer to live with him while they got used to the outside world and planned their next move.

Shadow stood and stretched while he blinked away the blurriness of sleep from his eyes. Aurora was still sleeping next to the stream in the middle of the valley and Tempest was relaxing next to her with her tail in the water. Gale and Hailstorm were arguing over by Jarid’s small workshop where he had a few unfinished projects lying around, and Boulder was nowhere to be seen.

Now that he was a bit more awake Shadow could hear the argument between Hailstorm and Gale more clearly.

Oooh well there we go, looks like we are in fact dealing with some newcomer's here, and they're all just relaxing after the result of what looks to have been quite a big mission. Loving the way it sets up the vibes. This looks well set to be a neat little moment.

“Well, I say that they can. Just look at all this.” Hailstorm argued. How can you not see that? The evidence is right in front of you!

“I don’t care! I still don’t think they could possibly make something like that.” Gale retorted. Even if you are right. I’m going to believe whatever I want. So there.

Shadow smiled. He’d heard these kinds of arguments all the time while he was listening in from outside but now it was much easier to tell what was being said out loud verses inside their heads. He remembered how these two had argued in a similar way soon after entering dragon valley for the first time.

All the dragonets had been excited to see what his home looked like. Tempest jumped into the river almost immediately with a happy sigh. Hailstorm, of course, went straight for the corner opposite Jarid’s workshop where Shadow worked on his writing and where Jarid kept any books he’d ‘borrowed’. Gale laid down on the grass, gazing up at the trees overhanging the clearing and groaned.

Oooh well that argument seems to be one of those more adorable ones between good friends that two people with opposing views making it an ugly shouting match. Looks to be like its not going to be as much of a concern as one might initially think.

Come on! We finally get out of that stupid cave, and I still can’t get a good view of the sky. How could this Night Wing live here for so long without tearing a hole in the roof?

His thoughts had almost made Shadow chuckle. As far as he was concerned, the shade of the trees felt like protection and the idea of ripping that apart seemed far more ridiculous to him.

Just then Hailstorm ran over talking about how awesome dragon valley was. Of course, Gale immediately disagreed and they argued for a while about the layout of the valley.

The rest of the group had just looked around at everything and slowly explored. Each of them wrapped up in their own thoughts.

Well it looks like the two of them were quite the pair from the start also I am very much appreciating this little refresher on all the characters, I'm sure if someone read the third installment they'd know it all, but for a new reader or someone returning after some time, this is a wonderful recap here that blends in quite well too.

Aurora was captivated by how beautiful and colorful everything was, while Tempest reflected on how warm the stream was compared to the water in the cave.

Boulder on the other talon was only slightly interested in the valley itself and instead searched for any prey Shadow might have stored away. With his nose on the case, he quickly found it and now it was all gone. Even his store couldn’t last long with six dragons to feed.

If Shadow had to guess he was probably out hunting right now. He had warned Boulder about what spots were dangerous and what spots often had prey, so he wasn’t concerned about him being caught or anything.

Hmm well looks like quite the balanced out bunch here, and with enough responsible dragons scattered about all the slightly less responsible ones that hopefully everyone would be safe.

Shadow rose and stretched with a wide yawn. It was still strange for the normally peaceful valley to be so noisy. And even though there was still plenty of space it somehow felt full.

He was about to go see what Gale and Hailstorm were arguing about this time when he heard a feint voice in his head that wasn’t any of the dragonets.

Shadow froze once more and closed his eyes to listen in case someone had found them. He couldn’t tell what this person was thinking exactly, but he could feel emotions coming from their mind quite clearly. Fear, anger, and disbelief.

Oh dear this is not a good sign at all, those thoughts don't seem necessarily intending to go for any kind of attack per see but it reek of desperation and just generally not good things to be running into in a place like this.

As Shadow concentrated he realised that he could also hear Boulder’s thoughts. He must have been coming back from hunting. Shadow felt a shiver go down his tail as he realised Boulder might accidentally be leading someone back to dragon valley!

He rushed to the side of the clearing Boulder was coming from, which happened to be right beside Gale and Hailstorm. They paused their argument and looked at him curiously but that didn’t matter right now. Shadow could now hear Boulder’s thoughts clearly, so he closed his eyes and focused.

…not even a snack. They didn’t seem that fast in the caves. And they couldn’t just dive into a hole in the ground. That deer should’ve just given up. It was supposed to be my dinner. He grumbled.

Oh dear, well that's just getting worse and worse here. Those thoughts do not sound great there when it comes to how close Boulder appears to be, and it also seems like food hadn't been located either. Shadow's going to have to act quite fast here.

At the same time Shadow was able to make out the thoughts of the other person. …and that! Come on! Just… let… go! Argh! I hope you choke on me and die, you big dumb lizard!

Shadow opened his eyes in shock. Just then he heard a soft crash as Boulder dropped through the trees just outside dragon valley. Hailstorm and Gale heard the crash and came up beside Shadow to welcome Boulder back.

Wow. He must have heard Boulder coming. I guess he has some kind of magic hearing after all. Hailstorm thought. Shadow cringed slightly at his lie but that wasn’t really important right now.

Oh dear well that is getting worse and worse and now we've got the other two noticing too and it appears that Shadow has been lying a bit about the ability to read thoughts, that certainly introduces an exciting extra note to the whole situation.

“Hey guys! Look at what I found.” Boulder called as he entered the clearing holding up a little human girl.

She was about half Jarid’s height and had black hair smudged with dirt. She wore the same kind of clothes Jarid wore. Not that Shadow could see much of her clothes through the talon that almost completely encased her midsection. She had one arm free and was using it to hit Boulder's claw. It might have looked cute if it wasn't so terrifying.

“Yeah! I bet you felt… Oh come on! Really?” She groaned as she noticed Shadow and the other dragonets.

Shadow could feel her despair, but then she clenched her jaw and steeled her determination. “Well, come on then! One of you is going to get punched in the nose!” She yelled.

Well this is in fact both adorable and terrifying both in terms of how brave she's being in the face of what must be quite a collection of fairly scary beings and also the fact that she is in fact just a little girl.

Hailstorm watched the girl with a rapt expression of amazement and his mind was full of questions about this creature they had never seen before. Meanwhile Gale was thinking about how tender she looked which almost made Shadow retch.

Aurora and Tempest had made their way over after hearing Boulder call. Tempest didn’t seem very interested, but Aurora had the strangest look and her face, and her mind felt all warm, pink, empathetic, and happy.

“Awww! It’s so cute! Can I have it? Please?” She asked pleadingly.

Boulder shrugged and reached out to hand the girl over to Aurora. The girl got ready to punch as hard as she could, but Shadow stopped them.

Oh dear, as a human this is a terrifying thing to read, these being just arguing o casually about a girl like its a creature without the ability to really think for itself but it is strangely adorable to see this unfold and the curiosity that everyone seems to be showcasing.

“Wait! She’s not…” Shadow trailed off as everyone stared at him. “Um, that’s a human girl. We shouldn’t treat them like food… or pets. And… I think she was going to try to punch you in the nose Aurora.” Shadow finished meekly.

The dragonets paused for a moment. The feeling Shadow got from their minds was confusion. Not agreeing or disagreeing with what he’d said. More like they’d never considered it before.

“So, this is a human? I thought they’d be a bit bigger and scarier. Did she at least have a pointy metal stick?” Hailstorm asked, turning to Boulder, who shrugged.

“I didn’t see one.”

Well this is lovely to see all the big scary dragons going on about the dangers of humans and also just trying to make sense of this particular human through the little that they know upto now.

“Of course she doesn’t have one. She’s just a girl. A… a young human dragonet. Barely more than a hatchling,” Shadow explained.

“Who cares if it has a stick? Even if it did, that human still couldn’t hurt us,” Tempest scoffed.

“That doesn’t matter,” Shadow interjected. “What I was saying was-”

“It doesn’t matter,” Gale interrupted, “Because I am going to go play with this human.” He started reaching out for the little girl.

“Hey! I asked first!” Aurora growled.

“Well, you missed your chance,” Gale replied in a superior tone.

“Wait! I want a turn!” Hailstorm cried.

Welp looks like this is going to be a little bit messy as far as actually going to deal with this human is going to be. Clear divide on show now about who are the responsible ones and who the slightly more juvenile ones happen to be.

After that the conversation quickly devolved into a full blown argument and Shadow was starting to get a headache from all the loud voices both out loud and in his head. Then suddenly a loud shout quieted everything.

“If you’re going to eat me just do it already!” The girl shouted in human. The dragonets all paused in their argument.

“Hmph. That little human is either brave or very stupid interrupting us like that.” Tempest huffed.

“We’re not going to eat you. Just be quiet a little longer while we talk about this.” Shadow said in human.

Both the little girl and the dragons were stunned. Then Hailstorm smacked his forehead.

Well looks like that's going to be coming in as the most responsible thing for the moment, someone finally actually telling the girl a little bit about what's happening and trying to calm her down.

“Of course! We completely forgot you can speak human!”

“You can actually understand all that gibberish?” Gale asked, dumbfounded.

“Uh… yes actually. I can. She thinks we’re going to eat her, but I just told her that we wouldn’t.” Shadow replied uncertainly.

“Speak for yourself.” Boulder said dramatically licking his lips. Aurora smacked Boulder with her tail.

“Oh, come on Boulder! Stop joking like that.” She said in playful annoyance. Boulder smiled slightly and slowly set down the human girl. Too bad. It seemed so soft and tender. I bet Gale would have loved it. Boulder thought, making Shadow shiver and feel a little sick again.

Welp gotta love both the little adorableness of a playful joke showcasing a bit about their friendship only to be followed by the genuine real thoughts showing it was in fact not a joke. Quite the little rollercoaster of emotions there.

“Well? Who is it, and what is it doing in our forest?” Tempest asked grumpily. If this little human was trying to spy on us, I don’t care what the Night Wing thinks about them. I’ll fry it.

“SHE is not here to spy on us or anything. She was probably just going for a walk in the forest when Boulder found her.” Shadow blurted.

“Why would we think she was here to spy on us?” Gale asked.

“Oh, well… Tempest asked, so… I’ll ask her for her name.” Shadow quickly finished to avoid talking about the topic any further.

He looked at the little girl who was still sitting on the ground stunned as her mind raced with more thoughts than Shadow could understand. Mostly about how dragons can’t talk.

Hmm well the poor thing is definitely experiencing quite a bit of confusing and probably more than one revelation about the world at the moment, but at the very least Shadow is doing his best to make sure that no one else make a rash decision.

“Hello. What’s your name?” Shadow asked.

“Oh… uh… K-Kaida Mr. dragon.” She stammered.

“Why were you walking in the forest today Kaida?”

“I-I’m visiting my uncle, Simon, and the adults told me to go play while they talked about stuff. Uncle Simon told me that my cousin played in the woods all the time, so I thought I’d go exploring. Then this big dummy came crashing through the trees and grabbed me!” Kaida replied indignantly. She had regained a bit of her composure now and stood with her hands on her hips

Shadow frowned. He remembered someone named Simon, but it couldn’t be who he was thinking of.

Oooh well this is intriguing, both about the fact that Simon seems to be a familiar figure and the fact that Boulder very clearly targeted her as food and snatched her up while she was just minding her own business. That's definitely raising some interesting questions.

“You said your uncle was Simon? Is his family name… Drakoulis?”

Kaida’s eyes widened. “You know Uncle Simon?!” She exclaimed.

Is that why Uncle Simon wanted me to play in the woods? Is he friends with these dragons and wanted me to meet them? Was cousin Jarid playing with them all the time? No fair! Why didn’t he ever invite ME to play with them?!

“Simon doesn’t know about me. Jarid raised me after my mother died.” Shadow explained.

“Oh. Are you Jarid’s pet then? What should I call you?”

Shadow cringed at being called a pet, but he knew this little girl didn’t know any better.

Well looks like the lack of knowledge about the species definitely goes both ways a little but the girl probably should get a tiny bit more forgiveness in this moment. Well at least the discussion is remaining civil.

“I am not his pet Kaida. More like his brother. My name is Shadow.”

“Well, that fits I guess. But if you’re like Jarid’s brother, then that makes us, like, second cousins or something. Cool! Are these other dragons your brothers and sisters too?” She asked excitedly.

Shadow shook his head. “No. These are my friends who I just met a little while ago.” Then he gestured to each of the dragonets in turn. “This is Tempest, Gale, Boulder, Hailstorm and Aurora.”

As Shadow gestured to Aurora Kaida’s eyes widened and her jaw went slightly slack as she gazed at Aurora.

Well looks like Aurora and Kaida are definitely going to end up friends at this rate, they both seems to be quite interested in each other. That's probably a good step in a right direction there.

“Pretty… Oh wow.” She whispered in awe.

Aurora for her part shrank back a little and her cheeks turned slightly pinker as Kaida stared at her.

“Um, Shadow? Why is she staring at me?” Aurora asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry for staring.” Kaida apologised regaining her composure.

For a moment Shadow was stunned. He thought that Kaida had understood what Aurora had said, but she must have just seen Aurora’s reaction.

“She says she’s sorry.” Shadow said to Aurora. “She was just amazed by how pretty you are.”

Oooh well that's going all sorts of ways there, both in terms of whether Kaida has more understanding than she's letting on to just the interactions flying back and forth among them now.

Aurora’s cheeks became and even deeper shade of pink but now she was smiling at the compliment. She nodded to the Kaida. “Thank you for saying so human.”

“And what is this human’s name?” Tempest asked, a little grouchier than Shadow thought was necessary.

“It’s Kaida. Apparently she’s Jarid’s cousin and happened to go for a walk in the forest while she was visiting Jarid’s human family. So, she’s not going to hurt anyone, and I don’t think she’ll tell anyone about us either, so she’s not dangerous.” Shadow said before hurriedly turning to Kaida.

“You’re not going to tell anyone about us are you?”

Well it looks like there's a few interesting notes being made regarding this Jarid figure, which definitely brings many things into questions. Looks like this plot is going to run just a tiny bit deeper with all of this. Boulder really managed to catch them a fresh set of problems there.

Kaida shrugged. “Who would I tell? And even if I did it’s not like anyone would believe me.” She must have noticed Shadow’s nervous expression because she quickly added. “But I promise not to tell anyone. As long as you don’t try to eat me again that is.”

Shadow nodded and sat down with a sigh.

“Can I pet her now? Please?” Aurora asked. Come on! She’s so cute and soft looking. I just want to pet her!

“Can Aurora pet you?” Shadow translated. Now it was Kaida’s turn to blush a little.

Well it looks like for now the situation is at a small little conclusion and the biggest development that we're going to get out of it is that Kaida and Aurora are going to get along well.

“Oh, well, if she’s gentle I guess I don’t mind.” Kaida agreed. Can dragons even be gentle? Oh, I hope she doesn’t accidentally squish me.

Shadow nodded to Aurora. “Just be gentle with her.”

Aurora beamed at him. “Ok!” She giggled happily as she scooped up Kaida and slowly began petting her head. Kaida was nervous at first but after a while cradled in Aurora’s arm, she started to relax until she was smiling happily as she let the dragon pet her.

Shadow breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been worried for a while there. The other dragons except for Boulder and Tempest crowded around Aurora to get a better look a Kaida. Boulder went to the stream for a drink while Tempest sat down with a huff.

Well looks like we have a small bit of a truce happening for the moment as Kaida seems to be happy with Aurora's attention although now there's a very clear divide forming here that's not a good sign for all of them.

Stupid. Don’t they remember how humans attacked the dragons and forced us to abandon our home across the sea? No. Of course not. All they care about is that it looks cute and harmless. Well, I’m not going to let my guard down so easily, you adorable ball of softness. She thought with a superior look at the other dragonets as they fawned over Kaida.

Shadow smiled. Even Tempest had to admit she thought Kaida was not dangerous. And if even the grouchiest dragon wasn’t going to hurt her, Kaida was probably safe.

At least, so long as there were no accidents.

Well that ending is as ominous as they come, a little divide of opinion forming between them about the fate of the human and the far too casual mention of the possibility of an accident although at this point we can't even fully pick a side to see who we need to be worried about.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a powerful start to this story, with a nice amount of introduction to everybody and what makes them tick and then a very interesting and a very cute problem for everyone to react to. Let's see what chapter two has to offer.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate