Young Writers Society

Hello Again, My Friend!

Sooo...I really wanted to read the next chapter, so bonus round! Lol. I will continue my review of this great book today! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

And here, the adventure begins! How exciting! The discussions about which tribe to visit first had me interested, and considering the home of the Night Wings is first, I am terribly curious (and anxious on behalf of Shadow lol) about where this will lead them. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

No complaints this time! I loved the many interactions and the plotting of this journey, giving us an idea of what Shadow's arc will look like this time...provided nothing goes wrong, which I have a feeling it might, heh heh. There was just one thing I noticed:

I still think we shouldn’t do it at all. Let the prophecy fulfill itself, I don’t want to take my friends into the mountains of rain and night. Tempest growled.

They might go into the mountains of rain and night, and if they did they might take him with them, and then…

Just these two lines, here. I noticed "Mountains of Rain and Night" were capitalized everywhere else, so I thought I would put them here just in case that was an error -and if it is, it's very minor lol. That's all, great writing job!

Why The Grin Widened...

First of all, it's cool that Shadow is still developing his "human" skills as well as his skills in hunting and flying. Seeing how he uses it to talk to Kaida and teach Halestorm was cool, and I see many other ways for this to be useful in the future! Also, Kaida's thought about this...

No way! Can dragons write too?! Do they have massive books and pens? How do they get paper that big?

This was too cute to not mention, and it does a good job showing her childlike obliviousness and imagination. No wonder it was easy for the dragonets to spare her and stop treating her like food, haha.

Speaking of naivety, as the discussions for the dragonets to move out begin, even this one section...

“But that would mean I’d be going second last out of all of us.” He began in a complaintive tone, but Tempest’s glare quickly silenced him.

Gale complaining about being second to last, and the continued bickering throughout the whole conversation, is an instant reminder that the dragonets are inexperienced themselves. I feel like it only adds to the doubt that they'll be able to avoid trouble.

And of course, Shadow's contemplation about visiting his birthplace -and potentially finding other Night Wings- is more than reasonable and puts his feelings about his tribe in perspective. Sure, it may answer a lot of deep questions, but the risks seem huge for sure. And something tells me that if they were to discover anything in those mountains, it probably wouldn't be humans with pointy sticks... (00 )

“Not accept you? I used to worry about that all the time too, but we’ve got to believe in our fellow dragons.” Hailstorm cut him off again.

But somehow he was even more afraid of the other dragonets rejecting him if he refused to go. He could feel his heart grow cold as he imagined how they would react. So, he took a deep, albeit shaky, breath and nodded to Tempest.

Oh, the misunderstanding here, and that unspoken peer pressure. Understandable, great way to move this plot forward, but what a terrible combination for poor Shadow...

Argh! Don’t get all sappy over some random dragonet’s tragedy. You’ve got your own problems to deal with. Like keeping your friends safe and finding your own tribe, Tempest thought, shaking her head as she turned away.

On a side note, I love how Tempest is trying so hard to not feel sympathy for Shadow, but is clearly failing XD

Kaida grinned. “Yep! You’re big cousin Shadow from now on. Until Jarid gets back you’re my new big cousin!

Another side note, this was too adorable to not shout out, so here it is lol.

Then he looked ahead at the dim grey stone of the Mountains of Rain and Night, covered in the shadow of dark thunder clouds. He cringed, wondering what kind of dangers those mountains held for him.

And finally, a great way to end this chapter! What mysterious, ominous, and all-around foreboding staging this is!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, that was another awesome chapter, nicely done!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this is a neat followup, I will say it seems Kaida wa more of a red herring than anything else and maybe that prophecy ought to have gotten more of a mention in the first part but a solid showing, loving how much we're getting to know this lot so far.

Anyway let's get right to it,

About half an hour later Shadow was practicing his writing to distract himself from the thoughts of Kaida and the other dragons when he heard a gasp and the patter of small feet running over.

No way! Can dragons write too?! Do they have massive books and pens? How do they get paper that big?

“Hey Mr. Shadow dragon? Can you read and write?”

Shadow smiled as Kaida walked up beside him and looked over his writing.

Oooh this is an interesting one right away, I wasn't expecting dragons to have too much of a hand at writing but this is definitely a nice little bit of intermixing evidence coming across too here.

“Yes, but I’m not very good at it yet. I’ve been practicing a lot since Jarid left so I’m pretty good now.” Then Kaida got a strange sad and concerned look on her face.

Aww. It would be so sad if all this dragon got to do was practice writing after cousin Jarid left. Hmmm…

“Mr. Shadow dragon? Were you all alone here before you met your friends?”

Shadow set down the big stick he used as a pen and turned to her.

“Don’t worry. I’ve been able to get a lot better at all sorts of things. Besides, even if I didn’t get to talk to my friends I could hear them, so it wasn’t too bad.”

Hmm well this is an interesting little observation by Kaida there, looks like Shadow despite clearly being a de facto leader isn't by default the most liked of the lot or certainly it doesn't look like everyone tends to hang out with him too often.

Kaida was a bit confused by what he meant but if he wasn’t all alone the whole time she felt a bit better. Still, he probably missed Jarid so perhaps he wanted some human company.

“Well, if you want I could come play with you while dad is staying with Uncle Simon.” She suggested excitedly.

Shadow shook his head. It was way too dangerous for a little girl to be playing with dragons. If one of them accidentally tripped and fell on her or accidentally bumped into her she could be seriously hurt.

“Sorry Kaida. If you play with us you could get hurt.”

Hmm well it looks like Shadow is trying to be quite responsible there even though you get the feeling that just maybe Shadow does in fact want to actually play here, at least to some degree.

“But I don’t have to play rough games or anything. I’ll make sure to stay out of the way I promise. I just want to talk and maybe pet some of the nice dragons. We were petting each other earlier and it was fine. Pleeeeeease.”

Shadow groaned. Her face had such a sad look of longing it felt like an arrow had pierced his dragon heart.

He remembered asking Jarid just like that for him to stay and play with him when he was younger, (not that it was very long ago) and Jarid hadn’t been able to refuse either.

Well looks like Shadow has a soft spot for humans, especially when they make the pouty face, which to be fair is a soft spot that most things have. Perhaps we'll get a little bit of a cute moment out of this now without any accidents going down.

“Ok, but you can’t stay very long, and I think my friends might be leaving soon.”

“That’s ok. We’ll just have lots of fun before they go!” Kaida said beaming.

“Oh! I was wondering if Jarid left any of his things here. Uncle Simon said Jarid made things like a good blacksmith.”

“Yes he did, but he packed it all in a bag he made so I could carry it easily. It’s in that corner over there.” Shadow pointed to a tree in the corner of the valley closest to his Jarid’s house. Kaida excitedly rushed over to examine the pack.

All it really contained was Jarid’s armor, a few smithing tools, a few scraps of paper and pens, as well as the remaining scales Shadow had shed, and a few other odds and ends.

Hmm looks like we've got an interesting relationship getting over more interesting with the existence of that bad. It seems these two have had quite the incredible history that I'm sure is present in those previous books.

Seeing Kaida looking through Jarid’s things Hailstorm had bounded over to her.

I knew it! These are human tools. I wonder if she knows how to use them. Wait… those look like dragon scales! Did Shadow’s human take his scales?!

“Shadow…!”

“I know what it looks like, but Jarid didn’t pull off any of my scales,” Shadow snorted. “Those were my scales from when I was a hatchling and they fell off on their own.”

“Oh. Well… Do you know what the rest of this stuff is for?” Hailstorm asked.

Hmm well it seems we have someone else there interested in finding out more about the humans or at least curious about these tools for the moment. Perhaps more connections can form here.

Shadow walked over and began explaining the things Kaida had strewn about on the grass.

“That is what humans call armor. Their skin is soft and easy to cut so they put that overtop to protect themselves. The other things are just a few tools to make things. Humans don’t have claws or sharp teeth, so they use those to cut wood and build other tools.”

“Ha! I guess they can’t even hunt without…”

…Shadow in some way. Boulder’s thoughts stole Shadow’s attention. Normally it was easy to pay attention to someone talking to him but just like if someone mentioned his name out loud behind his back, someone thinking about him brought his attention to them.

Oh dear well I thought that was going to finally end up being a friendly conversation but we are quite literally interrupted by the two of them discussing something a little sinister. Looks to be not telling everyone about the mind reading is paying off well.

Shadow glanced over his shoulder to see Tempest and Boulder whispering to each other.

I still think we shouldn’t do it at all. Let the prophecy fulfill itself, I don’t want to take my friends into the mountains of rain and night. Tempest growled.

But the mountains are right there. The prophecy said we would visit all the tribes so let’s just get it over with. ‘sigh’ We shouldn’t decide this on our own anyway let’s get everyone together and…

“Shadow? Are you listening?” Hailstorm asked, bringing Shadow back to the present conversation.

“Oh, um, sorry. I guess my mind was just wandering a bit.” Shadow apologised.

Well that does not appear to be a very good conversation and that name of the mountain already makes it seem like its going to be incredibly dangerous and most definitely quite a bad idea.

“Yeah, ok.” Hailstorm sighed dejectedly. I guess my voice really does put dragons to sleep.

In that moment Shadow desperately wanted to shout, ‘no you’re not boring!’ but that would definitely reveal his abilities to a smart dragon like Hailstorm.

Then Tempest and Boulder walked up beside them.

“Alright everyone, group up! We need to talk about something.” Boulder called to the other dragonets.

Shadow’s eyes widened as he realised what they had been talking about. They might go into the mountains of rain and night, and if they did they might take him with them, and then…

Oh dear well I wasn't expecting consequences to be this immediate from Boulder and Tempest's conversation but looks like the conclusion was made a little faster than I anticipated.

He might get to meet other Night wings! But almost as soon as it had arrived, Shadow’s excitement left him.

How could he even think about going to meet other Night Wings? Even if there were a few left, hiding in The Mountains of Rain and Night. It was those very same Night Wings that had killed his mother and tried to kill him.

Maybe, since they were the last of their kind… And maybe if he was with the dragonets of prophecy… Perhaps there was a chance?

But even so, the risk was too great.

Hmm well yup Shadow isn't particularly thrilled like you'd expect although the details about the Night wings are definitely exciting, I know perhaps this should be common knowledge by now but as a fresh reader this is very exciting information to find out.

“Alright everyone, we need to discuss the prophecy and where we are going to go from here.” Boulder announced.

All the other dragonets quickly jogged over and sat in a circle to talk.

Shadow stood off to one side and suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around his foreleg and he looked down to see Kaida’s concerned face.

What are they doing? She wondered.

Shadow smiled down at her.

“Don’t worry Kaida. Just clean up Jarid’s things and wait for a bit. The dragonets just need to talk.”

Hmm well it looks like Boulder is assuming a bit of a temporary command, very interesting to see how that dynamic work exactly here, and looks like poor Kaida is a little concerned not really understanding what's going down.

“Oh… ok.”

Mom and dad don’t like having me around when they’re talking to friends either. Why doesn’t anyone want to play with me? She thought sadly.

Shadow felt bad but he had to hear what the dragonets were talking about.

Once all the dragonets seemed to be paying attention Boulder quickly explained.

“We are going to be leaving soon, but before we go we must decide where we will be going. Tempest and I were talking about it, and I thought it would be a good idea to visit the home of the Night Wings since it is so close. The prophecy said we would visit all the tribes so I thought we should just get it out of the way now.

Well as far as prophecies go that's about the most direct one I've ever seen and that approach to just get this thing done like its a whole to do list is pretty incredible there, really makes me wonder if they're interpreting this right in the slightest.

And we need repay Shadow after eating all his prey. Maybe there will be more by the time we get back? Anyway…

“Then we can circle around the continent visiting each tribe in turn. The closest one after the Night Wings is the Sand Wings. So, we’d do a circle starting there,” Boulder finished.

The other dragonets thought about it.

Aurora was glad that they would be able to repay Shadow in some way. And she actually wanted to get to know him better. She didn’t really care about the order of the tribes they visited since she was sure they would be fine as long as they were together. The Tree Wing’s home would be right after the Stone Wings anyway.

Hmm well it looks like agreements are tentatively forming even though most of the conversation seem to have happened without everyone's input, so this looks to be barreling toward at least a little bit of an argument.

The Ice Wings were the farthest away no matter how they traveled so Hailstorm was fine with it so long as they didn’t have to go through the hot land of the Flame Wings.

Gale on the other hand…

“But that would mean I’d be going second last out of all of us.” He began in a complaintive tone, but Tempest’s glare quickly silenced him.

“And I’ll be going last. So if I’m not complaining you’d better not either feather brain,” She hissed. Gale growled back but before they could start fighting Boulder raised his talon.

Hmm well the two of them definitely fight a lot there although it looks like Boulder is now coming into some sort of prominence and maybe is the actual one they all follow. This does seem to shift back and forth a fair amount at any rate.

“Another reason we should do this is to repay Shadow for offering us this place to rest. We can take him with us when we visit the home of the Night Wings. If there are any left, he might be able to find someone in his family or at least some other dragons like him.

“Even if there aren’t any Night Wings there, at least he’ll be able to see what his home looks like. Out of everyone in this world, we should know best how it feels to grow up wishing you knew even a little bit about your tribe. And he wasn’t even raised by a dragon!”

The other dragonets looked down and glanced at Shadow feeling sorry for him.

“Don’t worry about me. I don’t need to meet the other Night Wings. In fact, they-”

Okay well they seem to have some sort of sympathy for Shadow at least, so well the general teamwork they seem to have makes some degree of sense at least although the dragonets really don't seem to be the sharpest tools in the shed when it comes to discussing things properly which to be fair they are dragonets.

“Don’t feel like you’re imposing on us Shadow. We understand. You don’t have to hide your feelings from us.” Aurora interrupted.

“No, that’s not it. I think the other Night Wings will-”

“Not accept you? I used to worry about that all the time too, but we’ve got to believe in our fellow dragons.” Hailstorm cut him off again.

Shadow knew that he wasn’t getting anywhere trying to explain that his own tribe might be trying to kill him.

“So, we are all agreed then? We’ll take Shadow to meet the other night wings before we start looking for out parents?” Boulder asked.

“Yeah!” The other dragonets replied with a range of enthusiasm.

“You really don’t need to-”

Well looks like they're mostly treating Shadow as someone they need to thank because of a debt rather than an actual friend given how little they're letting Shadow voice his opinion. This is really turning out to be a little concerning from the outlook of poor Shadow who's just only trying to help. Hiding the mind reading ability looks like a better and better idea every day.

“Stop trying to protest Shadow,” Tempest sighed, shrugging her shoulders while shaking her head. “When Boulder and Hailstorm get something into their heads even I can’t convince them otherwise. Just accept their gift so we can get going. I’m sure you’ll be fine. What’s the worst they could do anyway?”

Ha! Shadow thought. Oh, I don’t know, kill me?

No. Try not to think so negative. I have the Dragonets of Prophecy with me after all. It might work out. I might even figure out why they wanted to kill me. Or who my father is.

Who knows, it might not be so bad after all. Heh… heh…

Poor Shadow just being relegated to getting told to keep quiet and just having to rationalize some sort of way to feel happy about this. Really does make me not love the lest of these dragonets at the moment. They seem to think they're more important than they actually are.

Shadow tried to mentally laugh it off, but the trembling in his talons and tail betrayed the nervousness he still felt. After spending his whole life hiding from everyone, how could he just fly up to the one tribe he knew wanted him gone?

But somehow he was even more afraid of the other dragonets rejecting him if he refused to go. He could feel his heart grow cold as he imagined how they would react. So, he took a deep, albeit shaky, breath and nodded to Tempest.

“How bad could it be?” He replied, forcing a smile. Tempest huffed in reply.

Wow. He must be so nervous, but he isn’t complaining at all. Maybe my encouragement helped a little.

Hmm yup that relationship does not feel very good at all. The further we get into this story the less cohesive and loving this whole group seems which is not a bad thing mind you, its quite a realistic thing unless of course you want them to be happier together in which case this is not quite reflecting that at all.

It’s not like I care about this random Night Wing. I just don’t want him to be scared that’s all. He is a weak dragonet who’s tribe wiped out by little humans. That’s so sad. At least I have a tribe to go back to.

Argh! Don’t get all sappy over some random dragonet’s tragedy. You’ve got your own problems to deal with. Like keeping your friends safe and finding your own tribe, Tempest thought, shaking her head as she turned away.

Boulder nodded to everyone.

“Alright then. We’ve stayed here long enough. It’s time to move on. Everyone, prepare to leave and meet back here when you’re ready to go.”

Well yeah that about sums up everyone's opinions here. Well its certainly some group that's forming here. I think the whole fighting each other thing appears pretty natural so far in terms of how recently they seem to all have met for the moment.

We’ve been here for a while and prey is getting harder to find. Perhaps there will be some tasty goats or moose in the mountains.

Shadow smiled. It really seemed like Boulder was the leader of the group at the moment, but he was just getting them to move on because it was getting harder to find prey.

He had always thought Boulder was the same as Quake. Hungry all the time and simply wanting to fill his belly with the tastiest food he could find. Yet, ever since the dragonets had started living in the valley, Shadow never once saw him take the largest portion of food for himself. If anything, it was the exact opposite.

Now Shadow had come to realize that Boulder was thinking of an even bigger belly to feed. That of the whole group.

Hmm Boulder's niceness really needs a bit more of a platform to be shown there, I know Shadow's appreciation does tell you a lot given he can see into the minds but Boulder really has not done anything up to know that justifies such a statement and I'd really like to see more of that.

The dragonets all broke up to prepare to leave. Tempest, Gale and Boulder went to go catch some prey while Hailstorm went to look around dragon valley one last time, and Aurora to bathe in the river.

Shadow looked around at the valley which had been his home ever since he hatched. He’d never been beyond the forest before. Now that he thought about it, the dragonets had never been outside of their cave before. Yet they seemed so brave and unconcerned about traveling to a new place.

Then he noticed Kaida finishing packing up Jarid’s things and laying them against one of the trees at the edge of the valley.

“Kaida?”

“Yes?”

Hmm well looks like that meetings at an end and we're turning back to address the cute little problem from the previous chapter. You have to imagine its no place for her to be tagging along so this is going to start with a bit of a goodbye I imagine.

“Me and the other dragonets are going to be leaving soon. We’ll probably be gone for a while. If you want to come here and play that’s ok, just don’t touch cousin Jarid’s things.”

“Ok!” Kaida saluted happily. “But where are you and the other dragons going?”

“We’re going over the Dread Mountains. It’s dangerous so you can’t come.”

“Awww. Please?” Kaida pleaded. But this time Shadow would not be swayed.

He firmly shook his head. “No Kaida. You are Jarid’s little cousin. He would never let you go somewhere dangerous. So, I won’t either.”

Kaida pouted and crossed her arms, but quickly got over it and nodded to herself.

Well looks like Kaida is proving to be fairly smart about this at least which is good to see. Looks like she's the one with the smartest thoughts for the moment which does beg the question of how old everyone here must be.

“Ok big cousin Shadow.”

“Big cousin Shadow?” Shadow asked, confused. Wasn’t I, Mr. Shadow dragon?

Kaida grinned. “Yep! You’re big cousin Shadow from now on. Until Jarid gets back you’re my new big cousin! I want to play with you lots and lots when you get back, so you’d better be quick.” Then Kaida waved and raced into the forest saying goodbye over her shoulder.

Ohhh! That was so coooool! I can’t believe Jarid has a dragon! I wish he told me. I wouldn’t have told the adults. And they were so friendly and gentle. Why did dad always say they were big scary monsters who wanted to eat little girls? I bet… Kaida’s thoughts slowly got fainter as she mover farther and farther away.

Well looks like its the two of them that are going to get along best after all. Aurora seems to no longer be as interested as was first shown or is too distracted by all the prophecy shenanigans. Interesting nonetheless.

Shadow hoped that she could hold in her excitement and not tell any other humans about them when she got home.

“Hey Shadow!”

Shadow jumped. He’d been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn’t noticed Gale coming up behind him.

“Woah. Jumpy, aren’t you? Don’t be nervous about going to meet your tribe. I know they can’t be nearly as scary as the Storm Wings. I mean, you guys aren’t exactly the most intimidating dragons out there. Ha, ha. And I’m like, the king of making friends. So just follow my lead and you’ll be fine,” Gale laughed, bumping Shadow’s wing with his own.

Shadow turned to find the other dragonets had all gathered together and were waiting for him. He took a deep breath to calm himself and trotted over to join them.

I really think this lot needs to work on a filter there, Gale just absolutely roasting Shadow out loud without thinking in the slightest how it might actually be received. There's only so much you can forgive as naiveness.

“We’re here everybody!” Gale announced.

“Has everyone finished what they wanted to do?” Tempest asked. Everyone nodded.

“I remember where the Night Wing tribe was located on the map. So, I’ll lead the way,” Hailstorm bragged.

“Well-” Gale began, but Tempest cut him off.

“Don’t you start Gale, or I’ll tear your wings off.”

“Let’s just go.” Boulder sighed as he took off before any more arguing could be done. The other dragonets all followed and leapt into the air beating their wings to gain altitude. Shadow was impressed. They had gotten a lot better at it since the first time they took off outside the cave.

Well looks like this is about as shaky as it always has been when it comes to the lot of them getting along, at least it seems Boulder is now somewhat consistently able to actually lead the pack which is a nice thought.

They still weren’t as good as him though.

Shadow smiled as he leapt into the air flying straight up and passing them all as he pumped his wings until he got to a comfortable height for flying. Once there, he looked down at the trees hiding Dragon Valley wistfully. They looked so bright and green in the afternoon light.

Then he looked ahead at the dim grey stone of the Mountains of Rain and Night, covered in the shadow of dark thunder clouds. He cringed, wondering what kind of dangers those mountains held for him.

“Come on! Let’s go!” Gale quipped as he raced past.

Shadow noticed that the dragonets had reached his height. Their scales shining in the sunlight took on a variety of colors.

Shadow smiled. At least he wasn’t going into those dark clouds alone. Now he had some new friends to go with him and it gave him courage.

With a deep breath and a strong flap of his wings, Shadow surged forward towards the Mountains of Rain and Night.

Well this is an adorable little setting off moment here, just the lot of them pushing off together as one, various colors flying together, its a nice moment for that prophecy even though the team itself isn't nearly that cohesive just quite yet.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this is a good followup chapter here, I like how different you are getting across the dragons so far, they all are distinctly recognizable by the way they speak and think which is a good place to be. Let's see what that third chapter has to offer.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate