Young Writers Society

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

Ooo, so the giants were quirky yet fun characters with plenty of their own clues to offer as to what lies in the former Night Wing territory. Then after losing the game, and the dragons are forced to return after their long journey, they find something amiss, and the implications are more than a little eerie...Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

I didn't really find anything to put here this time! Great writing job!

Why The Grin Widened...

Opening with the giant, though this may be a minor thing, I love the detail you incorporated to give us an idea of how massive this thing is:

Then he turned away to cough, causing a bunch of trees and vines to come shooting out of his mouth while a blast of wind nearly spun the dragonets around.

Great way to show us how this looks through their perspective! Especially since dragons are just generally bigger than humans already, I can clearly imagine that this thing is massive, and even if it does come off as polite, it can be pretty intimidating! Especially in such a notorious region where one dragonet almost died already!

“Don’t worry about him. He’s coal as a cucumber. Just woke up on the wrong side of the bedrock today. Ha, ha! ‘ere, ‘ave yourselves a rest on my palm.”

Love the puns here, haha, and though an admittedly odd choice for fantasy giants, I like the accent you gave to them. It makes them feel more unique, so even though they speak Human tongue, it's still their own take on it, if that makes sense.

Jeff shook his head. “You don’t wanna know what lies beyond this place. You know what they say; igneous is bliss. Our creator stationed us here to prevent all creatures from passing, but I’ll tell you what. Having some fun would magma day, so beat me in a game and I’ll let you pass.

Lounging around here has been boring me. It’s a hard rock life just sitting here and if I don’t have some fun I might just hit rock bottom,” he finished with an awkward wink.

Oh man, the puns! You're on a roll! XD That aside, very ominous warning about what the giants are hiding, and I like the requirement of a game for them to get by. It's a classic and very enjoyable device in fantasy stories and I'm excited to see the twist you put on it!

You think that Night Wing skin wearin’ freak cares a granule about us?

Well...that was a good enough hint at what awaits past the giants O.O

The way the giants won the game was tricky and proved that they're not as thick-skulled as they seem -ironically speaking, haha. Then seeing the contrast between Shadow's and Tempest's reactions, I thought it said a lot about the type of problems they'll come to face going forward. The dragonets, particularly ones like Tempest and Gale, may struggle to trust others even when they may desperately need to. Shadow, meanwhile...

Perhaps I just don’t think Jeff is the kind of person to hurt us for no reason. After talking with him I didn’t feel threatened in the slightest. He might be a little strange, but he’s also friendly. I never even considered that he could squish us if he wanted to.

I mean, in fairness, this could just be an innocent way to tell us that Jeff really is a friendly giant and has no malicious intent. However, I think it could also speak to Shadow -perhaps due to his chronic loneliness and being singled out from his own group- may be too willing to trust others, and if that happens to the wrong person/dragon...Needless to say, that could spell trouble...

Anyway, thus concludes my theory ramblings for now, back to reactions haha:

Then he looked back towards the mountains to give Jeff a piece of his mind only to find that the stone giant had disappeared.

EH?!?! Indeed, how did a giant disappear?! Camouflage, magic, invisibility, something I'm not thinking of? Either way, strange...

He never realised how much he missed the smell of bark, grass, and… smoke?

Amazing and immersive, yet subtle clue to introduce what comes next...

That ending was a shocking twist of events! I didn't expect the dragonets to make such backwards progress that they'd be all the way back on the path to Dragon Valley, but for them to find such an eerie clue coming from their old cave, for Aurora to dive headfirst into it after what just happened to her, and for that final line as Shadow follows, it immediately amps that uncertain and anxiety-inducing atmosphere and builds a ton of anticipation!!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, that was a great chapter, and for the sake of my sanity, I have to know what's going down in that cave so stay tuned for another review today! In the meantime, nicely done!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well that could've been much worse there, so good to see that despite it all Jeff was a good person after all and they've just gotta now start over almost which given how successful that trip was isn't a terrible idea.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

All the dragonets hovered in the air as they trembled in front of the mountain sized stone giant. The giant rubbed his eyes again causing a cloud of rock dust to billow up while the thunderous sound of rock grating against rock to fill their ears. Then the stone giant peered at them again.

“Ah… tiny… dragons…” He spoke in the same deep and echoing voice. Then he turned away to cough, causing a bunch of trees and vines to come shooting out of his mouth while a blast of wind nearly spun the dragonets around.

Well looks like the giant here is just chilling having only just woken up from what looks like a pretty sizeable nap there. Thankfully that does appear to mean that we're not dealing with any attacks at least and some sort of conversation could end up being a good thing.

Meanwhile the other two rock giants behind the one speaking groaned and started moving. The one on the left yawned, sounding like the foghorn of a cruise ship at full blast. Then he looked down to see what the first giant was interested in.

The first giant had finished coughing and turned back to them. Now was Shadow’s chance!

“Stone Giants! We have come here peacefully seeking entry into the kingdom of the Night Wings! I am a Night Wing, and these are my friends! Will you please let us pass?” He called up to them in human.

Not that I don't love the comparison but where would Shadow have seen or heard of a cruise ship unless these lands are more developed in these parts than what I've read so far has led me to believe.

The other dragonets looked at him with a mix of shocked, fearful, and hopeful expressions.

The nearest giant raised his eyebrows in surprise, then turned to the giant on the left. His next words left Shadow shocked as he spoke in a loud but surprisingly human voice.

“Yo Carl! D’ese little dragons can talk! We might ‘ave our first decent chat in years!”

Well that's the most hilarious accent I've ever seen on a creature like that before. I also love little subversions like that when the large scary ancient looking things talk in what's considered a more colloquial way.

His Boston accent confused Shadow as he had never heard a human speak like that and for a moment he questioned if the giant was truly speaking human.

Then the giant turned back to Shadow.

“Sup little dragons. My name is Jeff. That’s Carl,” He gestured to the giant on the left. Who waved with enough force to make the dragonets strain against the wind. Then Jeff pointed to the giant on the right.

Well looks like they're pretty friendly, mostly just lonely from most of the animals around her even the intelligent ones probably being unable to speak that particular language.

“And that’s two toed Tony.”

Tony groaned and nestled into the mountainside. Jeff just laughed.

“Don’t worry about him. He’s coal as a cucumber. Just woke up on the wrong side of the bedrock today. Ha, ha! ‘ere, ‘ave yourselves a rest on my palm.”

A large boulder about the size of the arena where Jarid worked came up underneath them. Shadow landed and the others quickly followed suit. Then Jeff sat back down and raised his hand, so they were level with his face.

Well looks like everyone's having a fairly nice time for the moment. We'll see if we get to see this continue with whatever negotiations they have to do. Given the size of these things I can't imagine they moved her randomly, they must've chosen to come here either cause this is a new home they moved into or because someone asked them to come here.

“So. What y’all doin’ way out here? This place may have some sedimentary value, but it ain’t worth placing yourselves between a rock and a hard place if ya catch my meanin.”

“We were hoping to find the last remaining Night Wings. Or at least look at the ruins of my tribe.”

Jeff shook his head. “You don’t wanna know what lies beyond this place. You know what they say; igneous is bliss. Our creator stationed us here to prevent all creatures from passing, but I’ll tell you what. Having some fun would magma day, so beat me in a game and I’ll let you pass.

Well looks like this guy talks in all puns. This is genuinely getting more and more hilarious although I am wondering if this might get a bit too hilarious, but we'll see as we continue on. For now it seems negotiations are happening but for the most part thanks to Jeff at least they're not in any real danger of escalating into an actual fight of any kind.

Lounging around here has been boring me. It’s a hard rock life just sitting here and if I don’t have some fun I might just hit rock bottom,” he finished with an awkward wink.

Carl turned to Jeff with a warning look. “Hey Jeff. You know the master said no trespassers.”

“Eh! Come on Carl! It’s for the crater good. Dat guy can’t fault me for being a little slate. Besides, I’m a shamrock and they can’t take me to the quarts. This is going to be all ore nothing and I doubt they can handle the pressure.”

Well this is turning into quite the pun-derful moment. Okay I shouldn't start or I'm going to put Jeff to shame. Either I am loving this decision. Looking forward to seeing how much we learn from this little convo. Already someone's preventing people from visiting these lands and then we've even got the idea of a creator situation which means the person ordering this and doing this probably gave life to a mountain or something along those lines which really suggests someone very powerful.

Carl face palmed with enough force to echo like a cannon shot. “I do hope ya know that rock puns won’t save you from da master’s rage.”

“Ha! You think that Night Wing skin wearin’ freak cares a granule about us? He can go punch a diamond for all I care.”

Then Jeff turned back to the dragonets. “Now, if you’re in, let’s rock an’ roll.”

Well looks like "Night Wing skin" wearing freak is definitely something to watch out for. All of my money is firmly on Crepescule for being the evil one. There's no other way for that to be the description. Unless I have regrettably forgotten but evil dragonborn dude is behind this. One of the two for sure at least from everything I've seen so far.

Shadow turned to the dragonets. “I think he wants to play a game with us. If we win he’ll let us pass. If we lose…”

Shadow turned back to the giant. “What happens if we lose?”

Jeff grinned. “If ya lose, I’ll take you back where ya came from. Whether you like it or not.”

Shadow translated and the dragonets all discussed briefly before nodding.

The open ended nature of take them back to where they came from is a little scary for me, but it looks like the dragonets are mostly fine with those rules and those odds for the moment.

“Excellent!” Jeff boomed. “Now, here are da rules. We all go one round of rock, scroll, scissors and if your choice beats mine I’ll let ya pass.”

Shadow relayed the rules, and everyone looked to Hailstorm to come up with a plan.

“As long as we go an even amount of each thing there’s no way he can win,” he reasoned.

Shadow agreed but it seemed strange the giant would be so confident facing them all. He had heard giants weren’t too bright. Perhaps it was true.

Well I have a feeling this is going to end up being either that Shadow is correct and Jeff really is well... a Jeff or if somehow there's some trick there where Jeff is going to pull something that quite literally can't be beaten by any of them. I'm leaning strongly towards the trick angle. There's no way an obstacle this big and impressive is getting defeated by rock paper and scissors.

Now decided, the dragonets chose Shadow and Boulder to go rock, Hailstorm and Tempest to go scroll, and Aurora and Gale to go scissors.

“Ready!” Shadow called.

Jeff’s grin widened as he raised the boulder he had for a hand. “Rock!”

Then everyone finished together. “Scroll! Scissors!” The dragonets all showed the different signs for rock, scroll and scissors while Jeff still held his rocky fist closed indicating rock.

Well looks like they're going with the plan, and so far so good but I'm still not about to think this is going to end nearly that easily. Surely? Or maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong honestly at this point because anything other than a game like this, the dragonets really cannot hope to actually win.

“We win.” Shadow proclaimed. “Our scroll beats your rock.”

Jeff laughed. “Really? Then produce for me this scroll that can beat my rock.”

He raised the giant boulder that served as his fist grinning triumphantly over them.

“What did he say? Tempest asked fearfully.

Shadow turned to find them cowering under the raised fist of the stone giant.

Well yup that checks out. Honestly this is a very clever trick. I was expecting something a little more underhanded but this is a beautiful display of a lack of intelligence on the dragonets part. Jeff is definitely not a Jeff.

“He said that we had to beat his rock with our scroll if we actually want to win.”

“But that’s cheating!” Hailstorm complained.

“I doubt that idiot cares,” Tempest snapped angrily and fearfully as she clutched Aurora to herself. But Jeff lowered his fist.

“Don’t worry. I aint gonna bury you. I’m not a tombstone.”

“You mislead us,” Shadow accused. Jeff shrugged.

Well Shadow isn't wrong about but that's definitely not cheating. They left that wayy too open ended to be questioning anything right now, but you do have to cut them some slack, this is probably their first introduction into good ol' fashioned trickery.

“Don’t matter to me. I told ya the rules and you didn’t ask no questions. Besides. I can’t disobey da master. He’s got all of us by the stones and won’t let go. I can’t leave the mountains, but I can take ya to the edge, so the journey back is smooth as marble straight from the tumbler.”

Then he turned to Carl and nodded to Tony. “Take care a Tony won’t cha? I’m going out for a walk. If da master turns up while I’m out, just let ‘im know I’m patrollin’ the area and gonna be back soon.”

Carl stood and stretched with a sound like an earthquake. “You got it boss. Pass some air through those old stones.”

Well looks like at least the open ended thing to happens if they loose isn't going to come back to squash them, quite literally. They'll actually from the looks of things only be getting a helpful lift back. Not that getting sent far back on their journey is a good thing but at least it allows them a chance to rest up a little bit.

“Ha, ha! Ah. You always know how to cheer me up boulder buddy.”

Jeff turned the hand they were sitting on sideways and placed his other on top. The dragonets all curled up while Tempest screamed in terror expecting the end, but nothing happened.

It looked almost like they were in a cave and Shadow could see a small opening near the front. Before he could investigate, however, the ground heaved upward and forward as Jeff began moving. Each step sent shockwaves like miniature earthquakes through the cave formed by his hands. Now Shadow could feel a strong breeze coming from the opening.

Well understandable terror there but it seems my prediction was correct and they're just going to get a lift back. Honestly given the overwhelming force they've got to fight against if they want to win, they'd be best off taking this moment to rest up and maybe getting another nap unlike the one that was interrupted very rudely earlier on.

He crawled forward and peered out to find that they were indeed moving, and quite fast too. The trees below seemed almost like twigs and disappeared behind them in a blur. The mountains themselves rolled past like small hills.

After enjoying the scenery for a while, Shadow turned back into the cave to find the dragonets all huddled together. Most of them were shivering and their thoughts were all muddled together so Shadow just tried to ignore them.

“This is amazing! You should see how fast we’re moving. I bet we’ll be back at the edge of the mountains in no time.” Hmm. I wonder if they’re cold. It doesn’t seem that bad to me.

Well looks like Shadow definitely has the right approach to this situation but you can't blame the others for being so terrified. They definitely didn't hear the tone that Jeff was using which is really the primary reason both Shadow and I aren't worried. Those same words in a more neutral tone can sound much scarier.

Then Tempest glared at him. “How can you be so calm about all this?!”

Shadow shrugged. “I don’t know. Is something wrong?”

Tempest just continued to glare at him. Oh, I don’t know lizard brain. Perhaps you thought we were just shivering from the cold and not the terror of having a giant almost squish us! Maybe you’ve seen it all, but some of us have been literally living under a rock our whole lives, she thought sarcastically, but didn’t say anything. Hmph. Wish I could be that calm, she thought, turning away.

Well yup that about sums it up. I do feel for Tempest, it is a tiny bit odd for Shadow to be so calm but then I think I'm letting it slide because I think this is a moment to calm and it really is but once again the rest of them were absent from the actual conversation so they have every reason to be super terrified.

Shadow looked at the stone underneath him in embarrassment. Why am I so calm? Hmm. Perhaps I just don’t think Jeff is the kind of person to hurt us for no reason. After talking with him I didn’t feel threatened in the slightest. He might be a little strange, but he’s also friendly. I never even considered that he could squish us if he wanted to.

That thought sent a tingle through Shadow’s wings as he now saw the little ‘cave’ they were in as a potential dragon compactor. But he was still confident that Jeff wouldn’t do that, so he tried to shake it off.

Oooh I love the detail of Shadow taking a moment to reflect, not only does it confirm what I thought but I thought the little twinge at realizing hold on this could go badly was perfect. Like that moment of getting a glimpse through the sort of mental shield Shadow had that the bad thing won't happen.

Eventually the dragonets were able to fall asleep and woke to the jarring sensation of Jeff coming to a stop. Suddenly the roof of the cave lifted off and the sunlight nearly blinded Shadow. The other dragonets winced and briefly complained as well before they noticed Jeff looming over them.

“Sorry little dragons but this is where I gotta ground to a halt. I hope you enjoyed the trip on stepping stones T-transportation, but I gotta get back quick or they’ll rough me up. Ave a good flight!” He said with a wave as he tossed them into the air.

Well looks like that's a bit of a rude send off with the tossing but he probably doesn't realize and honestly Jeff has been pretty chill up to now. I think he handled that quite beautifully all things considered. I am a big fan of Jeff xD. I hope he makes an appearance someday again, I mean he definitely seems like he and his two buddies could turn tides in a battle or two should someday this all escalate into one.

Shadow, like all the dragonets, was caught by surprise and found himself falling uncontrollably for a moment. He quickly righted himself and spread his wings. His chest felt tight, and he quickly glanced around to make sure all the others had caught themselves as well. He finally understood why Jarid had been so scared of flying.

Seeing that they were all shaken but otherwise ok made Shadow let out a sigh of relief. Then he looked back towards the mountains to give Jeff a piece of his mind only to find that the stone giant had disappeared.

Well looks like that's the end of Jeff. We're going to have to digest that now I'm sure and process what they can with all of this and figure out where exactly they need to be going next from here.

Shadow had no idea how he had moved so quickly that he disappeared with his giant size, but it didn’t really matter. He could feel how shaken the other dragonets were from their thoughts and quickly called out to them.

“Let’s head back to Dragon Valley. We can regroup there and talk about what we’re going to do next from somewhere safe.”

“Ok. Good idea,” Tempest agreed. Most of the others were too shaken to really reply, but Boulder nodded, and Shadow lead the way.

Well looks like they are doing their best here to recover and regroup here. That is really all they can be doing upto this point. We'll see how this plays out. Things are heating up quite a lot here.

Shadow looked around and found that they were almost at the end of the river that emptied out into the waterfall where Shear had dropped off the dragonets. If they followed the stream it would lead them to a familiar spot, though a little too close to the dragonet’s old home it was still the best landmark they had.

It didn’t take long for them to be completely out of the Mountains of Rain and Night. The sun shone even brighter, and smell of rain and stone was replaced by that of wood and earth.

Well looks like they're pretty much back home at this point, their journey being almost completely reset from the looks of thing. Well at least getting a rest at home would be a good thing free of any surprise insects.

Shadow smiled and closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath of that smell. He never realized how much he missed the smell of bark, grass, and… smoke?

Shadow’s eyes snapped open. Now he could see wisps of gray trailing up from the area where the dragonet’s cave was located. Boulder and Gale were also quick to notice the smoke as well.

“What’s that?” Hailstorm asked, pointing to the smoke trail.

Well that doesn't look good. Looks like they're not going to catch a break even while going home from the looks of things. I really hope this one's just a false alarm maybe caused by like a campfire for someone, like that little girl whose name I should totally remember.

“None of the guardians would reveal the location of the cave like that. Even if we’re gone it was still one of the Wings of Protection’s secret bases.” Tempest stated worriedly.

“We’ve got to go help!” Aurora declared but the others hesitated.

Shadow could hear their thoughts debating between risking getting caught again while also wanting to help with whatever was happening. Shadow was curious about what was happening as well.

Well definitely something to curious about, that's for sure although the whole avoiding danger if its going to present itself angle isn't the worst idea in the book, I do have to say that.

He was confident that he could escape in the forest if he was careful, so he decided to volunteer to go and check it out first. But just as he was opening his jaws to speak Aurora flew off in the direction of the cave.

“Aurora!” Tempest called after her as she also took off in pursuit.

Shadow hesitated for a moment in surprise but quickly followed as all the dragonets took off after Aurora. If she was going to be caught, then they all were.

Welp I suppose if anyone was going to feel impulsive enough to fly off before anyone else would, it was Aurora given the kind of mental situation that she happened to be in about not having done much. Well definitely hoping this is a false alarm then.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a good start to this chapter. I'll be getting to that second part as soon as I can to try and see what's up with their home here. That looks like its set up to be either a fake out or something very much horrifying.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate