Young Writers Society

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

NOOO! Oh man, this chapter quickly went from an inspiring display of Shadow helping a good friend, and everybody pulling through the storm, to something DARK! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Once again, I have no complaints about content! How you keep bringing out such quality chapters with top-quality storytelling is quite a feat!! There was only one extremely minor punctation nitpick that I could find here:

How could they be expected to protect themselves much less the rest of dragon kind.

I think this sentence could use a question mark. That's all, great writing job!

Why The Grin Widened...

First of all, big props for the descriptions throughout the piece. The way you wrote that harsh rain and electricity in the air, and the weight of water on the dragons' wings, really made this chapter pop.

Though it was an aggravating sort of "don't go in the basement!" horror movie moment (hopefully you know what I'm talking about lol), it was very easy to see why they chose to fly straight through the storm:

“While I don’t like the way he said it, I do agree with Gale.” Tempest affirmed a little more gently to Aurora. “The scrolls said that The caves of the Night Wings were about a day’s flight into the Mountains of Rain and Night, and I want to get there as quick as we can. We just need to drop off the Night Wing then we can help Boulder find his parents.”

Granted, you do need to fly across a whole continent, and there's no telling how long a storm will last in this place, but patience please Tempest, haha. Very appropriate given Gale and Tempest's personalities though, and the fact that they're children. I mean, I absolutely see young dragons -especially Wind and Storm Wings- being undaunted by harsh weather. Likewise, the sense of peer pressure and not wanting to cause conflict made Aurora and Shadow's compliance make sense despite their reservations. Especially since Shadow is being actively called out at the same time and threatened to be left behind.

On that inspiring note I mentioned, I liked seeing Shadow tap into his memories of training with Jarid -a great parallel to all the times Jarid did this to pull through his own trials:

Ha, ha! Seriously though, Shadow. Never underestimate the power of your words. Just a little encouragement can be enough to help someone move mountains.

And using it to inspire Aurora was neat, and once again propped Shadow up as an unspoken leader-like figure, and just a good friend like his brother. Again, seeing the parallels is awesome.

Tempest seemed to be taking it the best and wasn’t even thinking about how tired she was. She seemed far more concerned about what kind of dangerous creatures awaited them here and how much she hated risking her friends’ safety for the sake of a dragonet they barely knew. She was also struggling with the doubt Surge had instilled in her. Doubt that she could protect her friends, doubt that she could live up to what a Storm Wing was supposed to be.

I loved this entire section. Not only does it show us the incredible resilience of Storm Wings in harsh weather, but it gave us more insight into Tempest's character, explaining many possible reasons for her harsh demeanors and determination to push forward.

And then, of course...

Suddenly Aurora’s silhouette was illuminated, black against the spiderweb of lightning that had enveloped her. For a split second her whole body twitched in the air as the energy caused her muscles to spasm.

Oh man, you did us dirty with this one! I was thinking/hoping for a heroic turnaround; Shadow would save her, Tempest would trust him more, happy thoughts and we all move forward. But man, was I wrong! Oh, that scene -sad as it was- was very well written. Seeing Shadow's shock and desperation, seeing Tempest lash out, seeing Aurora struggling to plea for everyone to calm down and be nice, and seeing Gale's self-deprecating thoughts just made the whole moment that much more impactful and captured everybody's emotions.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, that was an amazing chapter! And while I do love a good cliffhanger, uh, I have to know what comes after this one! So stay tuned for another review lol, and nicely done!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this has been quite the chapter three here, a nice moment to learn more and more about this lot while at the same time it really went to some interesting heights on how they're all adapted and quite the catalytic event to end on.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was dark and a chill wind made Shadow’s scales tingle as he glided through the Mountains of Rain and Night. The rest of the dragonets had caught up to him and Hailstorm lead the way, closely followed by Gale. The rest of the dragonets followed along in a cluster of flapping wings.

Shadow wasn’t bothered at all by the dim light, and he didn’t feel quite as nervous when he stayed close to the group, but he could smell rain in the air and another almost metallic scent he soon realised was lightning. This realization was accompanied by the deep sound of rolling thunder and a shiver from his neck to his tail.

What if they got struck by lightning while flying? Would they be fried on the spot or wake up tumbling to their death on the rocks and pine trees far below?

Oh dear well this is already looking like not the greatest idea in the world, lightning does not seem like a good thing at all for flying things in general especially the size of dragons and the whole environment reads as quite in hospitable.

Shadow looked down and noticed the river that must have eventually turned into the waterfall at the edge of the mountains, weaving its way through the valley below.

They had been flying for almost an hour now and his wings were starting to ache. The other dragonets showed few signs of fatigue, however, and were having quiet conversations as they flew. Shadow didn’t want to intrude so instead he just listened in.

It was what he was used to anyway.

“I never realised how much Surge warned us about the Mountains of Rain and Night. We just somehow always talked about it when discussing dangerous places and monsters. Did you ever think it was strange? But I guess we know why now since we were so close to them after all.” Aurora whispered.

Well looks like Shadow is definitely the oldie of the group if he's the only one with the aching wings as they continue their flying but these conversation are definitely introducing a few interesting ideas. Shadow really does love eavesdropping quietly.

“Yeah, I guess I never thought about it much.” Boulder replied.

“I always thought we could just avoid the dangerous spots. We can just fly over them after all, but I guess it gets really cold and hard to breathe if you fly too high. But most monsters can’t fly at all so that’s nice. We still have to watch out for the giant bats and storm dancers though.”

“You mean the thunder birds?”

“Well, I prefer storm dancers. Surge said they can ride lightning bolts! I wish I could see one. It must be so pretty watching them dancing with the lightning,” Aurora sighed wistfully.

“Maybe you’ll get your chance. We seem to be heading straight for a storm now.”

Oh dear you can definitely see quite how naive this lot are, they are aware a little bit of the dangers and aren't being completely reckless but they most certainly are not being as cautious as they ought to be especially when just admiring the beauty of this dangerous creature instead of realizing how incredibly deadly that sounds.

Shadow pulled himself from his thoughts and looked ahead. It looked like a flickering grey wall was steadily approaching them. Quick flashes of lightning illuminating the rain and mountains. Shadow had flown in the drizzling rain that sometimes made its way over the mountains, but he had never seen anything like this before.

Hailstorm slowed down to join the rest of them. “That looks pretty dangerous. Do you want to find a cave or something to take shelter in while we wait out the storm?”

Tempest scoffed. “These are the Mountains of RAIN and Night. Who knows how long this storm will last? Maybe forever. And I am not going to let a few drops of water stop me from moving forward.”

Well looks like we know who the reckless on in the pack is, its been going back and forth quite a bit but Tempest is proving time and time again to be that dragon even though I suppose in this moment his point about the storm isn't completely invalid.

“My wings are getting tired. Maybe we could stop for just a little bit?” Aurora pleaded but Gale just laughed.

“Come on. Can’t handle a few hours of flying can you? We need to fly all the way across the continent so stop complaining already.”

“While I don’t like the way he said it, I do agree with Gale.” Tempest affirmed a little more gently to Aurora. “The scrolls said that The caves of the Night Wings were about a day’s flight into the Mountains of Rain and Night, and I want to get there as quick as we can. We just need to drop off the Night Wing then we can help Boulder find his parents.”

Well looks like this hierarchy is changing all the time here, as far as who's actually in charge is concerned but I'm starting to think Shadow is not respected at all the deeper it goes even though at first it appeared that way. Everyone treats him quite poorly behind his back. Not to mention everyone besides Aurora seems to be a bit of a bully.

Shadow felt a little hurt by her calling him a Night Wing rather than by his name, but he tried not to let it show too much.

“His name is Shadow!” Aurora pouted.

Tempest looked away with an annoyed sigh, but Shadow could feel some remorse mixed in with her annoyance even if she didn’t show it and it made him feel a little better.

The rain was almost upon them by now and the constant static sound quickly drowned out the flapping of their wings.

Well that interaction is definitely not making me feel as good as Shadow is doing his best to get out of that for the moment. It really looks like they are quite recklessly jumping into some dangerous waters without respecting anyone else.

“Here we go, ha, ha!” Gale shouted exuberantly as he dove ahead into the rain. Shadow noticed him stumble a bit and loose some height before regaining his composure and pumping his wings to gain back his lost altitude.

Shadow braced himself as he hit the edge of the storm. He felt the first few rain drops bounce off his scales, then those few drips became thousands, and thousands into a torrent of water that seemed to push him down.

With every wingbeat he felt sheets of water collect and get dumped off his wings. He was so focused on staying airborne he almost ran into Aurora who seemed to be struggling just as much if not more.

Yeah those two are definitely not doing super great in that rainstorm, which I mean given the name of this Gale and this Hailstorm, they're probably the two best suited for that flowing while the other two are very much not.

“Are you ok?” Shadow shouted over the driving rain.

“Y-yeah. I think so.” Aurora replied grunting with effort.

Seeing Aurora struggling reminded him of something Jarid had said after they had both finished a hard day of training, during which they had both been struggling.

Hey bro. Remember when we were doing push ups and you told me I could do it?

Yeah? What about it?

Well, I just wanted to let you know that I was about to give up when you said that. I thought I couldn’t do any more and your encouragement was enough to help me push through. I even ended up winning because of you.

Okay a bit of a flashback moment here, this is an interesting detail to throw in here. It does look like Shadow needs the extra touch of motivation here at any rate.

I guess I should have kept my jaws shut. He had replied in a tired and sarcastic tone, but Jarid had simply laughed it off.

Ha, ha! Seriously though, Shadow. Never underestimate the power of your words. Just a little encouragement can be enough to help someone move mountains.

Now he looked over at Aurora. He couldn’t see her expression very well through the thick curtain of rain but hear her thoughts clearly. She was thinking about how much harder it was now and her fear of being left behind or slowing everyone down.

He wasn’t going to let her keep thinking that way. He knew she was stronger than even she gave herself credit for.

Well looks like the inspiration has worked out here and we're going to be channeling this to help out poor Aurora who seems to be taking the brunt of all the bullying for the moment given she's possibly the least equipped of the lot to handle this situation.

“You can do it Aurora!”

Aurora looked over, slightly confused. The occasional flash of lightning revealed Shadow’s smiling face and the big thumbs up he was giving her.

She smiled to herself looking down at her talons. He’s right. I CAN do this. Even this dragon I hardly know believes in me. I must live up to his expectations! I can do it!

With new determination in her eyes, Aurora pushed forward.

Well looks like Aurora is getting that classical magical burst of extra energy you get when you believe in oneself, which given that she's been the nicest of the lot upto now, you think she does in fact deserve perhaps more than the others ever did.

Shadow couldn’t help smiling as Aurora pushed though. He forgot how tired he himself was as he surged forward to stay alongside her. He felt a wonderful tingle traveling up and down his body.

She did it! And I helped! I was actually able to help someone push through with my words. This is amazing!

“Great job Aurora!” He congratulated her happily.

“Thanks.” She replied blushing a little in embarrassment.

“Crack-BOOM!”

Well looks like a small bonding moment for the two of them although that massive noise there does not bode well for either of the pack from the sound of it. Classic move there to interrupt a nice moment.

A blinding flash and sky splitting crash of thunder lit up the clouds just above them while a pillar of white and blue light struck the side of a nearby mountain.

The cries of all the dragonets were lost in the noise. Shadow shook his head to clear the ringing and he felt Aurora tapping his wing. He looked over at her while holding his talons over his ears.

She was excitedly gesturing in the direction of the lightning bolt. Shadow looked where she was pointing, and his jaw almost dropped in amazement.

Rising from the blackened crater on the mountain and carrying a young elk in its talons, was a storm dancer. It had the appearance of an eagle or phoenix with wings as large as that of adult dragons. It was mostly shimmering blue with white edges which crackled and jumped from feather to feather. It had a noble face and piercing blue eyes.

Oooh well there goes the esteemed storm dancer although it looks like most of them were very startled by the lighting. Let's hope this awe doesn't have to turn to fear here, cause that thing looks quite dangerous.

The rain didn’t seem to bother it at all as it flew with majestic grace. Shadow could just make out an electric buzzing coming from it as it slowly rose higher and higher until it disappeared into the clouds above.

Aurora looked at Shadow with an expression of awe and wonder. Shadow smiled back excitedly. That certainly wasn’t something you got to see every day.

After their encounter with the storm dancer, they continued on in silence for another hour or two. But it was hard to tell how long it had actually been. The thick storm clouds overhead blocked out the sun completely, making it so dark Shadow had no way of knowing if it was night or day. The only light came from the occasional flash of lightning.

Hmm that's a tiny bit hard to believe there, given how tired two of the dragons were expressing themselves to be, two whole hours of completely silent flying seems fairly hard to achieve, hopefully they're going to at least show some evidence of this soon.

The rain was heavy, and Shadow could feel his wings turning to jelly with the effort of just staying airborne. It felt like he was trying to swim with a full grown dragon laying on top of him. The mountains certainly lived up to their name.

Even though the darkness wasn’t much of an obstacle, the rain still made it difficult to see. Thankfully, his training flying every day with Jarid on his back had helped his wings grow strong. Unfortunately, the other dragonets were handling the storm with varying degrees of success.

Make it through. I chose this. We can make it! Make it through. I chose this. We can make it! Boulder’s thoughts droned on. He’d been thinking the same thing for a while now.

Hmm well at least the tiredness isn't being fully ignored and it looks like finally the others despite all the big mouths are starting to feel effects. This part is grounding this much better into the reality of the situation.

Shadow knew he must be feeling even more tired than he was. Aurora and Hailstorm were so focused on simply staying aloft that Shadow couldn’t hear any coherent thoughts from them at all.

Meanwhile Gale was beating himself up about struggling to fly. It was what he was best at after all, and a big source of his pride.

Tempest seemed to be taking it the best and wasn’t even thinking about how tired she was. She seemed far more concerned about what kind of dangerous creatures awaited them here and how much she hated risking her friends’ safety for the sake of a dragonet they barely knew. She was also struggling with the doubt Surge had instilled in her. Doubt that she could protect her friends, doubt that she could live up to what a Storm Wing was supposed to be.

Well this is a fun little collection of thoughts. Very predictable from all sides which is a good thing cause you are giving a constant view on everyone's personalities which is not easy to do when you've got this many personalities to keep track of here although Tempest is the one I think has maybe not shown that side of her nearly as much up to now.

Shadow felt a bit of empathy for what she was going through. They were all just dragonets in the end. How could they be expected to protect themselves much less the rest of dragon kind.

But Shadow was distracted from his thoughts as he wondered why a Storm Wing like Tempest was so unaffected by the rain. I mean, obviously she was a Storm Wing, but what was it about her that helped so much? Shadow watched her fly, illuminated by the occasional flash of lightning and noticed right away what it was.

The rain.

It seemed like the rain just slipped off her scales as if repelled by some kind of magic. She also seemed to share Gale’s natural sense for the random gusts of wind that battered the other dragonets from every direction. Allowing her to glide on them and go with them instead of fighting through them.

Well that's a big of a random moment to have that observation, you'd think that's the kind of thing you notice about someone not like three whole hours into a flight but rather closer to the start, but loving the detail there of why a Storm wing is a storm wing.

As he was thinking this Shadow suddenly sensed Aurora’s mind growing feinter and glanced back in horror to see her stop fighting the wind, too tired to even call her to her friends for help. Shadow saw her try to glide to regain her stamina only for a sharp gust of wind to blow up underneath her. Carrying her higher and higher, almost to the bottom of the thick, dark, clouds.

“Crack-BOOM!”

Suddenly Aurora’s silhouette was illuminated, black against the spiderweb of lightning that had enveloped her. For a split second her whole body twitched in the air as the energy caused her muscles to spasm. Her image frozen in Shadow’s eyes as his heart froze with terror.

Then she dropped. A small whisp of smoke trailing behind her

Well there it comes. I predicted it the second was talking about someone getting struct by lightning and then Aurora showing herself to be the clear weakest link, well let's hope its not going to end as badly as those thoughts indicated back then.

“Aurora!!!”

Shadow cried in terror as he felt his heart dropping along with her.

Then suddenly he was dropping too, instinctively he tried to get underneath her to catch her, but her wings were flapping loosely and re-opened just as another gust of wind caught them and threw her sideways… straight into Shadow.

Shadow folded his wings and spun sideways to catch her but as she slammed into him he couldn’t get a good grip. Eventually he was able to get one forearm under her left arm and his other around her neck. He didn’t want to choke her, but he couldn’t risk tearing her wing if he grabbed that. The rain was in Shadow’s eyes, and he had no idea how close the ground was, only that it was getting closer very quickly.

Well this is a nice bit of action to liven it all up, given all the danger that we saw leading up to everything it was about time that something actually went down here. Let's see how this plays out.

Desperately Shadow opened his wings like a parachute and strained as the full weight of Aurora pulled on his arms and wings. Shadow’s arms were strong, but his wings felt like they were burning up. But even with all this he couldn’t halt their decent. Aurora seemed to be trying to flap her wings weakly, but it did little to slow them.

Shadow shook the rain out of his eyes and looked down, just barely able to make out the shapes of trees and rocky cliffs below them. He tried to steer them into a canyon between the mountains but up ahead he saw a sheer cliff that was already as high as they were. Shadow strained one last time in a desperate attempt to get them above the cliff but if was no use.

Shadow almost cried as helplessness overwhelmed him. He couldn’t save Aurora and he couldn’t save himself. He was too weak. He was…

Okay well looks like the two of them aren't going to do too great here despite Shadow's best efforts which means its probably about time one of the other dragons notice, I'm going to guess Tempest given she appeared the least distracted of the bunch.

Just then Aurora suddenly seemed much lighter. Shadow felt something bump his belly and he looked down to see Tempest pushing upwards with all her might. At the same time the cliff was almost upon them. With a surge of hope and determination Shadow pumped his wings with one last surge of hope.

“AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Shadow roared as he pulled Aurora up with all the strength he had left.

Tempest just barely scrapped over the cliff edge. Her tail bumping on the rocks with a painful thump.

“Oof!” She cried as Aurora and Shadow, spent from their last effort, collapsed on top of her.

Well I called that one pretty good there although I do like the realism of them still all collapsing in a heap. They are all very much tired even though Tempest is able to handle the storm better than most of the rest of them.

“Get off me!” Tempest’s muffled and annoyed groan came from underneath the pile of wings and scales.

With massive effort, Shadow was able to roll off Tempest and take Aurora with him. He let her roll gently to the side where she laid, breathing erratically.

“What happened?!” Gale asked with concern as he landed beside them.

Hailstorm and Boulder collapsed almost as soon as they landed, both were breathing heavily. Shadow now noticed just how much his own lungs were burning. It felt like someone had taken a hot knife and was scratching him with every breath.

“What happened? What happened?! Aurora almost died! That’s what happened!” Tempest half growled half roared.

Well looks like everyone's finally realizing that break really should have been taken significantly earlier before someone was in mortal danger and literally fell out the air. Not super understanding why Tempest appears to be quite so mad about the whole affair.

“Didn’t you hear Shadow cry her name? Didn’t you see Aurora falling?”

“W-well, yes. I-I just thought…”

“What?! What were you thinking about as our sister was falling to her death?!” Tempest hissed as she glowered over Gale. Her tiredness forgotten in her anger.

“Don’t… don’t fight. Please?” Aurora’s weak voice was just barely audible over the rain and thunder.

Shadow felt the anger drain right out of Tempest and she scrambled over to Aurora’s side.

“Are you alright?” Tempest asked softly.

Hmm well that wasn't exactly the most justified anger in the world but also I suppose you can understand that, and the reaction with it all being deflated really quickly is quite a realistic touch in a moment of that nature.

Aurora’s breath was ragged and she coughed a few times, pulling in breath seemed difficult for her. Her talons, wings and tail were twitching as the last traces of lightning ran though them.

“You… can’t get ‘cough’ angry at… at Gale. It ‘cough’ wasn’t… wasn’t his fault.” Aurora took a moment to catch her breath. “I want you to ‘cough’ promise me… promise me you will be nice to everyone ‘cough’ until we get home. Ok? Tempest?”

“O-ok. But only until we get home,” Tempest replied with a choked laugh.

Aurora smiled weakly. Then her eyes fluttered and closed. Her twitching body relaxed and with one last strained breath, went limp.

HOLD ON. Was that just..well gotta say that's a little bit random feeling to me, wasn't expecting that. Perhaps I just haven't read enough of this to fully understand the weight but I don't really find this death having that much of an impact cause we've barely gotten started here and it seems to now have very troubling consequences for this prophecy cause all of them will not be seeing all the tribes. Although I will say dying from being struck with literal lightning is very realistic so I do love that, the commitment to a realistic outcome there cause I do know I'd have pointed that out in the event she survived this unscathed.

All the dragonets froze.

Tempest held Aurora in her arms with wide eyes, her face frozen in shock. The sound of thunder rolled overhead as the rain continued to fall, oblivious to the dragonets below.

Gale stood rooted as his entire body felt numb. Shadow could hear his thoughts as if he was yelling them to himself.

What have I done?

This is all my fault!

I hesitated to help and now…

No. She couldn’t be… Aurora.

Oooh loving the reactions here, as much as I'm not feeling much of this emotion, you're doing a great job touching base with everyone here and showcasing how much its affecting to the lot of them. One again those thought readings coming in handy.

You were the most kind and sweet dragon in the whole world. So innocent and hopeful. And I…

I am a traitor. A weak failure. A COWARD!

Gale collapsed to his knees while Tempest crouched over Aurora’s body.

“No…” She whispered. Still unable to fully comprehend what had happened.

“No… AURORA!!!” She cried to the sky as lighting flashed above with a resounding boom.

Well looks like a classic movie moment of standing over the body in thundering rain and yelling out the name. That's going about as well as it can there I'd say, certainly a galvanic moment here for the lot of them and quite a cliffhanger to end chapter three on.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a strong chapter I would say, I think it lends itself well as something to really start a strong bit of extra motivation for everyone and a bit of sad moment in general to lose the only who was actually being nice in this group. It always does seem like that's the person most likely to die. We'll see how they get on in chapter four.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

Hello, my fellow writing friend!

Just a warning, I haven't read the previous chapters to this work, so some of my observations may be flawed. If so, feel free to correct me on any errors or misunderstandings. With that said, let's dissect this lil' beauty...



A Little Skimming - First Impressions
Two words: DRA-MA (huh? That's just one word? Hm. It beat me...)
From the first lines, I could tell that our MC is a young dragon named Shadow, who is flying with a group of fellow dragons into the Mountains of Rain and Night. This thunder consists of 6 dragons (if I'm correct). There's Shadow, a Night Wing, who seems to have the ability to read minds, then there's Tempest, who I think is like the leader of the group, taking a lot of responsibility onto herself. There's Gale, and Aurora , siblings of Tempest. Aurora was my personal favorite ;n;. Then Hailstorm, and Boulder. Shadow seems as a sort of outcast in the thunder, a stranger to them. When he starts becoming friends with Aurora, she gets hit by lightning... Bro, I almost cried at that part. Then it ends, (I could literally hear the dramatic music in the background as) Tempest roaring in anger and sadness...



Love it! - Parts That I Like
Everything. I love every aspect of this piece! The drama, the plot, the suspense, the character variation and personality, the descriptions, the creativity, and most importantly... THE PRESICE GRAMMAR! Just kidding, just kidding. But seriously, your literature is perfect grammar and prose and I am one hundred times more than grateful for that!

Also, I love how innovative the names are. Shadow, Hailstorm, Tempest, the Mountains of Rain and Night, the storm dancers. Each title sounds very original, and not stereotypical like you just googled "popular dragon names" on the web (not like I do that. Nah, what a crazy thought!)

Shadow wasn’t bothered at all by the dim light, and he didn’t feel quite as nervous when he stayed close to the group, but he could smell rain in the air and another almost metallic scent he soon realised was lightning. This realization was accompanied by the deep sound of rolling thunder and a shiver from his neck to his tail.

What if they got struck by lightning while flying? Would they be fried on the spot or wake up tumbling to their death on the rocks and pine trees far below?

A strong start, using vivid descriptions in a very intriguing way. You also express the MC's weaknesses and doubts early, not making them seem like a cheesy flawless hero who's not afraid of anything. You constructed the character, Shadow, to be very relatable.

Hailstorm slowed down to join the rest of them. “That looks pretty dangerous. Do you want to find a cave or something to take shelter in while we wait out the storm?”

Tempest scoffed. “These are the Mountains of RAIN and Night. Who knows how long this storm will last? Maybe forever. And I am not going to let a few drops of water stop me from moving forward.”

“My wings are getting tired. Maybe we could stop for just a little bit?” Aurora pleaded but Gale just laughed.

“Come on. Can’t handle a few hours of flying can you? We need to fly all the way across the continent so stop complaining already.”

“While I don’t like the way he said it, I do agree with Gale.” Tempest affirmed a little more gently to Aurora. “The scrolls said that The caves of the Night Wings were about a day’s flight into the Mountains of Rain and Night, and I want to get there as quick as we can. We just need to drop off the Night Wing then we can help Boulder find his parents.”

I love how you displayed the various personalities and feelings of different individuals in just a short dialogue. Absolutely clever and wonderful!

Shadow felt a little hurt by her calling him a Night Wing rather than by his name, but he tried not to let it show too much.

“His name is Shadow!” Aurora pouted.

Ooooh. Aurora standing up for Shadow at this part. *sobs* You built up a good connection between Shadow and Aurora. Her standing up for him, and him encouraging her. Then, Aurora dies... How you constructed the plot is devastatingly amazing. Again, you made it realistic. When you get close to someone, they may not always stick around... I'm glad you didn't make this a rainbow and cupcakes happy-go-lucky story. Bad things happen in life, bad things happen in the best of books.

Suddenly Aurora’s silhouette was illuminated, black against the spiderweb of lightning that had enveloped her. For a split second her whole body twitched in the air as the energy caused her muscles to spasm. Her image frozen in Shadow’s eyes as his heart froze with terror.

Then she dropped. A small whisp of smoke trailing behind her

“Aurora!!!”

Shadow cried in terror as he felt his heart dropping along with her.

The depth of this part. Oh, my heart dropped too. You wrote it with such emotion, it conveys out of the page, pulling on the reader's heartstrings. The drama of the last part too... Gosh I almost cried.



Just A Tad Off... - Errors and Corrections
I only have one little thing to correct, and actually, it isn't much of a correction at all. It's more of a small suggestion. I would love love love it, if you describe what each dragon looks like. Just a personal preference, but still, it would make all the difference to me. For some reason I imagine Shadow as a midnight black dragon, and Aurora as a fiery orange one. I don't really know why. Maybe you did describe them in the previous chapters, but for people just stopping by (like me) it would be helpful if you could add details on what these beloved characters' appearances are. Totally optional.



Salutations! - Final Thoughts and Goodbyes
Man, I really enjoyed reading this thing. Honestly. A lot of times, I just read stuff to review it (shhhh! Don't tell anyone!) but I actually loved reading this masterpiece. I'll be sure to check out the previous ones, and tag me on the future ones also! Have a splendiferous day! Keep writing!

Inferno