Shadow carried Airel gently and carefully to their position ahead of the caravan of slavers. It felt so freeing to be flying again. Shadow hadn’t realized how restricted he had felt with the basilisk poison preventing him from flying.
They flew along a valley separated from the road the slavers were on by a single mountain. Then they peeked over to make sure the slavers wouldn’t see them as they hid themselves on the sides of the road ahead of them. Now Shadow crouched in the bushes a fair distance from the road with Airel waiting for the slavers’ caravan to arrive.
Airel seemed very tense. Her thoughts were moving so fast Shadow could barely comprehend them. Partially to calm her and partially to stop the stream of her anxious thoughts he placed a talon gently on her knee.
Airel jumped slightly at the touch. His talon was cold from the frost they were crouching in and his black scales blended in so well with the shadows under the trees that she had forgotten he was right next to her while lost in thought.
“Oh. Sorry. I’m just thinking about the ambush.”
Shadow nodded with an understanding smile. Yes, you are. And I’d prefer if you did it a little quieter. Hmmm? He thought sarcastically, before chuckling slightly at his own joke.
Airel sighed as she found a nearby rock to sit on. “You dragons really are nothing like I thought you’d be.”
Shadow perked up a bit. Was she reconsidering her view on dragons? Now? Why?
“What makes you say that?”
Airel shrugged. “I always thought dragons would be more… survival of the fittest, or… savage and barbaric. The kind that would bite your head off the moment you turned your back on them. I certainly didn’t expect the kind of dragons that would risk their lives for each other, and especially not ones who would risk their lives for me.”
Shadow chuckled. “And I thought you would hate dragons forever after your flight with Tempest.”
Airel cringed a bit. “Yeah. Not the best moment of my life… but not the worst either. Looking back on it I think she tried her best. I mean… she could have just let me fall after I yanked her around and choked her. But she didn’t.”
Shadow smiled. “I think you two are a lot more similar than you think.”
Airel considered it for a moment, but before she could reply Shadow heard the feint sound of cartwheels on stone. He held up his talon and raised his head while closing his eyes to focus. It was definitely the sound of the slavers approaching. Shadow nodded to Airel, and both crouched further under the foliage.
They waited and watched as the first few carts in the procession rolled past. Shadow could see some of the slavers were wearing special green hoods and carried bows with covered quivers.
“Dormir archers,” Airel whispered. Shadow nodded and they continued to watch.
There were at least twenty large cages covered by cloth. They would have to be quick if they wanted to find Tempest without being noticed.
Then suddenly there was a loud roar quickly joined by several more roars and the caravan was thrown into confusion. There were rushing in all directions shouting “Dragon attack! Dragon attack!” All the Dormir archers rushed to the far side of the caravan.
As soon as they were gone Shadow glanced at Airel and nodded. “Let’s go.”
Shadow could hear men screaming orders and the roars of the other dragonets as they made as much of a commotion as they could to draw the slavers’ attention away from the caravan.
As Shadow sneaked towards the cages the smell of unwashed human bodies became so pungent he immediately gave up on trying to find Tempest using his nose.
Now he and Airel were right next to the road in the last bit of cover before they would have to rush across the open road to the cages. Shadow looked at Airel and she gestured to the closest cage which was near the end of the caravan.
“I’ll start there and work my way to the front. You start at the front and go back. Whoever finds her first just make a loud sound once they get her out.”
Shadow nodded and Airel sprinted to the first cage while Shadow rushed through the forest as silently as only a Night Wing could.
He was grateful Dain had leant Airel his smithing hammer. It was strong enough to break the lock on any cage. Shadow was confident a good smack with his tail could do the same. Now he could see the first cage and crept up to avoid scaring the horses.
Peering into the first cage, Shadow saw it was empty. The next cage was too. The third contained a few terrified humans who shook in terror at the sight of him.
The slavers must have raided another village. I wish I could save them but…
No. I must help them. That’s what Jarid would have done.
Shadow grabbed the lock and yanked it hard. The lock snapped and Shadow opened the cage. The humans inside whimpered but Shadow swiftly moved on to the next. All he could do was hope they would escape without making too much noise.
Shadow did the same with the next cage and the fifth was empty but as Shadow reached the sixth, he heard one of the slavers shouting commands over the commotion.
“These dragons can’t avoid our arrows forever. Some of you get the Dormir spears and nets. The rest of you head back and guard the cargo. I am not having any more escapees.”
Shadow felt a shiver run through his scales as he tried to hurry while staying as quiet as he could. His dark scales wouldn’t be of much help in the middle of the day on the open road. Airel might be able to hide between the cloth and cage but now Shadow’s size was working against him.
His talons shook as he lifted the cloth on the eighth cage. Empty again. He whined in anxious frustration as he dropped the cloth.
Shadow peaked around the cage and dashed to the next one. Please let Tempest be in this one, he thought as he lifted the cloth. Yet again he saw nothing. Fear was filling Shadow’s mind with every empty cage he checked. Then he heard footsteps as he was about to cross the open space to the next cage.
As they grew closer Shadow panicked. He looked around franticly and noticed the space under this cage was slightly larger than the others. He squeezed into the tight space, tucking his wings and tail as close as he could to keep them out of sight. The rough wood scraped his wings while the rocks of the road poked his softer belly scales. Shadow held his breath as he trembled in fear at their approach.
Luckily the cloth drooped below the cage a little bit, but Shadow could still see two pairs of human ankles walk around the back of the cage. One of them commented sarcastically to the other.
“The dragons are delivering themselves to us and what important role do we get? Guard duty.”
“Eh. They’ll probably just put ‘em in cart nine with that other one. I’m more interested in that woman in cart three. Wanna go check her out?” the other replied.
“Heh, heh. You bet I do. Let’s go,” the first agreed.
Shadow hadn’t realized that he had been holding his breath but now he let it out in a sigh of relief. Now he knew where Tempest was!
Shadow extracted himself out from under the cage and made his way to the nineth cage as quickly as he could. Shadow carefully checked the gaps between the cages as he went. As he did he saw brief flashes of the other dragonets ducking and dodging the arrows while keeping at a safe distance.
Gale was using his wind magic to knock the arrows away from the others while using his agility to dodge the swift projectiles. Shadow was impressed, but he couldn’t focus on that now. More slavers were returning to the cages, and he had to move quickly.
Shadow finally reached the nineth cage and lifted the cloth. His face lit up with excitement as he recognized Tempest’s bright blue scales in the dim light. She was sleeping so Shadow quickly broke the lock and climbed in to wake her.
“Tempest. Tempest! We have to get out of here,” Shadow hissed as quietly as he could while rocking her shoulder. She didn’t even flinch.
Slightly worried now Shadow shook her more violently and pinched her wing. “Tempest! You have to get up!” he whispered urgently as his panic began to rise once more. Shadow heard men approaching and quickly closed the door with his tail. Looking around the cage Shadow noticed a bowl of something at the front of the cage. It was a thick green sludge and one whiff of it made Shadow’s head spin. He also felt his body becoming a bit sluggish and that’s when he realised what was happening.
The bowl in the corner must be filled with Dormir poison and Tempest had been knocked out with it. Even if he got rid of the poison now, Shadow doubted she would be waking up any time soon. Desperately he reached out to find Airel’s mind in the hope she was nearby.
That’s him. The stupid oaf who grabbed me before. If he hadn’t snuck up behind me with that club, I’m sure I could have escaped. Then we wouldn’t even be in this situation. It’s all that coward’s fault. He wouldn’t last ten seconds in an honest brawl.
Shadow could feel her irritation as she watched him from some hiding place.
There’s no one else around. Plus, it will be easier to move around with one less conscious guard. One punch is all it’ll take. Ok. Three, two, one. Ha!
Shadow felt a flood of satisfaction in her mind mirroring his own anxiety at her action.
Yeah. Take that stupid slaver. No one underestimates… uh oh.
Shadow heard a cry of alarm from two directions at once. From the front of the caravan he heard a slaver shouting, “The slaves are escaping! Catch them!”
While from the other direction he heard, “Alarm! Alarm! There’s an intruder at cage six!”
Shadow heard the men outside the cage rush towards the rear of the caravan. This was his chance!
Shadow quickly opened the cage and grunted as he lifted Tempest onto his back. He stumbled out as Tempest’s wings caught on the door. Luckily no one noticed in the commotion. After getting Tempest settled on his back once more Shadow rushed as fast as he could to the side of the road. He quickly hid behind a few small bushes and checked to see if anyone had spotted them. No one was coming after them.
We made it! Shadow thought as he looked back at the caravan with pride at their escape. However, as he did so he noticed Airel break out of a circle of captors only to be tripped up by one of them diving at her.
She’s not going to make it.
Before the thought had even finished going through Shadow’s mind, he found himself leaping forward to rescue Airel. As he sprinted towards her, he felt a flicker of doubt as he realized that trying to rescue her now could get both him and Tempest captured, but he shook off those thoughts. He wasn’t going to leave anyone behind.
With a loud roar Shadow burst onto the scene. The slavers had started dog piling Airel, so Shadow ripped them off her as they screamed in terror.
“Go!” Shadow yelled as he knocked over two more shocked slavers. He heard Airel scramble to her feet and spun around, sweeping two more slavers off their feet with his tail before dashing after Airel. He had hardly gone three steps before he felt a heavy impact and sharp pain in his left hind leg followed by a seeping numbness.
Looking over his shoulder Shadow saw a spear sticking out of his leg. Then three arrows suddenly rained down on him. Two hit him on the back and bounced off his scales while the last one was heading towards his face and struck Shadow in the arm he raised to block it. The same sharp pain followed by numbness spread from the arrow sticking out between his scales.
Shadow limped awkwardly as he pulled the arrow out of his arm with one talon and the spear out with his tail. Something green instantly began oozing from the small wound the arrow had made. Shadow had no doubt what it was but tried to ignore it as he fled.
Another arrow jabbed into Shadow’s side, then two. Now he felt like his whole left side was even heavier than when the basilisk poison had been at its worst. And it was spreading. He collapsed at the side of the road as the limbs on his left side stopped working entirely.
“Shadow!” Shadow heard Aurora scream his name and turned to see her dive towards him.
“No! Don’t!” Shadow roared back, but it was too late. Aurora tried to dodge the arrows coming at her, but she was too close and without Gale’s wind protection, there were too many.
Gale tried to follow her down and knock away the arrows but one of them caught the underside of his arm where the scales were softer and suck in deep.
Without Gales protection Aurora had more than six arrows protruding from her side and chest in the blink of an eye. Thankfully they didn’t pierce deep enough to do any serious damage, but her wing strokes were slowing down fast.
Boulder used his strengthening magic and was able to catch Aurora but received a few minor cuts as the arrows scratched his underside. Gale tried once more to knock the arrows aside but ended up getting struck himself as he was moving slower now.
Boulder ducked down to grab him as well but the weight of the two dragonets was slowing him down and he was soon riddled with arrows. Shadow felt his heart sink along with Boulder as he fought the poison and the pull of gravity with all his might in a futile effort to escape.
It all happened so quickly that Hailstorm could do nothing but stare in shock as his adopted family were arrowed down around him. The Dormir archers took full advantage of this and had three arrows lodged in his scales before he had time to react.
As Shadow watched his friends sinking closer and closer to their captors, one of the slaver leaders came over to inspect him.
“A Night Wing. Well, you don’t see one of these every day. Thought they were all gone for good.”
Another slaver came up to him and reported. “We’ve captured the rest of the dragons, sir. Looks like they were trying to free the one we captured earlier. We found her a little way into the woods trying to crawl away. She didn’t make it far with the poison in her system and we have her sedated. The girl got away though. Should we send out our raiders to capture her?”
Shadow felt his consciousness begin to fade as he heard the slaver leader reply.
“No. With the addition of these dragons, our cargo is too valuable to risk…”
Shadows eyes closed as tears ran down his cheeks. I’m sorry Tempest, I should have gotten you to safety. I’m sorry my friends, I got you all captured too.
I’m sorry, Jarid. I let myself be captured. Please… forgive… me…
End of chapter
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There we go, Shadow is the perfect beginner’s dragon. I knew it :3
Oh I can give dialogue formatting tips for ~telepathy~ today, what a treat!
Here:
Technically, the “hmm” is speech, even if it doesn’t have quotation marks. That’s why the standard dialogue formatting rules apply and even if it looks really awkward, you can’t capitalize “he” here ^^°
Oh I like that Shadow points out how similar Tempest and Airel are. I got the same feeling!
Found a small typo: “ the feint sound “ faint, ne?
Ok I also think it’s time for some more advanced writing tips since I’m really happy with what I read of book 4 so far!
“Shadow could see some of the slavers were wearing“ That is a filter sentence. You’re basically putting a barrier between reader and story by writing “could see” or “saw” here. It’s not a bad thing per se but it’s something you should try and avoid. Skip the Shadow part and just write what they are wearing. If you need to emphasise that it’s a little harder to see it idk bc of the dark or glaring sunlight or bc of other reason, mention that separately.
Oh for a second I thought my unshakable positive image of Shadow would take hit when he thought about ignoring the captured humans. Glad he turned it around. And well, idk if Jarid would do the same. (He probably would, I believe you, but I can’t help sending jabs towards him xd)
For another second I was wondering why he didn’t search for Tempest’s mind but then I realized she’s probably still out from the Dormir arrow. But… if she is, how are they going to carry her away? I imagine she’s a large dragonet!
Oh I don’t know how I missed this but I kept thinking Tempest has golden scales, oops!
I love how Airel is thinking abt an honest fight in all this. Reminds me of her stunning performance in the tournament 😊
Ah so this is how it happened. No wonder Airel blames herself. As far as she’s concerned, she endangered the dragons twice. Now I really wish we would have gotten a real conversation between her and Jarid. I would have loved to see him struggle with that realization, maybe going to the same place as her first, as in “yes, she’s right this is her fault” before catching himself bc ofc it isn’t she tried her best and no one could have expected these slavers to show up like this. It would have been very interesting and give their reunion even more weight. I feel cheated ☹
Oh no, and the entire rescue attempt just led to more of them captured. Oh that is so… sad all around… ☹
Thanks so much for the grammar corrections and advice on descriptions. Very helpful.
(I also had Shadow comment on trying to find Tempest through telepathy, but the sheer number of humans crowded out any thoughts he might have heard).
I too, wish I could spend more time on the conversation between Jarid and Airel.
Hello (Again), My Friend!
I'm here to review the next chapter in this great story! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
NOOO, not just Shadow, but everyone got captured?!?!?! Oh man! Well, I was right about the cliffhanger, but I was NOT expecting it to be that gnarly! Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Great! Loved the buildup and the slow descent into utter chaos. Even when Shadow was saving Airel, I believed he still had a solid way out, but apparently not!
Descriptions and Setting: Great! I was able to picture everything very well, and I loved the little details like Shadow hiding under the cart, or how he can't rely on his sense of smell in this situation.
Action: Gruelling. The slow takedown of Shadow--and Tempest by extension. Aurora diving to help, getting herself caught, then Gale and Boulder. And Hailstorm, after freezing up (very believable for a dragonet, especially one who's not the biggest fighter). Watching them fall just one by one, followed by the sudden ending...Oh man, that hurt! But it was good!
Characterization: Man, watching Shadow blame himself for all of this is also hard! One one hand, it kind of is his fault this time around for Tempest being taken, but he had to save Airel too--so it's also justified. At least, to the reader it is. I'm wondering if any of the dragonets will turn on him after what happened here, and considering the position they're in, that sounds awful...
Grammar and Wording: I only caught one tiny typo, which I dropped below. Otherwise, you're good!
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
Not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…
There's just an extra "e" that snuck into "ninth" there.
That’s all! Great writing job ~
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
Oh, my gosh, leaving Wing 4 on this note...I don't even know what to predict anymore; will they be saved, will they save themselves? What does life in the capital for a dragon entail? Possibly...wing mutilation, like we saw in the academy?!?! Oh jeez...
Uh, I was also so wrapped up in this chapter that I mostly forgot to take quotes for reactions XD But I did note...
Yes, Airel!! At least there was one good change from this chapter!!
[Oh, another tiny typo I didn't catch before--just a missing apostrophe in "Shadow's" there]. Anyway, this ending...This entire ending, you did your readers dirty there!! XD But it is a super intense cliffhanger, and it pays off!
MadThoughts...Overall, that was an incredible ending! My gosh, so much happened in this volume that I'm shocked--looking back, it's only 14 chapters! I feel like I just finished a whole Warriors book, haha! Great work here, and I can't wait to see what you have planned next!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thanks so much for the review! And sorry for the cliffhanger lol.
I hope it was obvious that Airel made it out and will thus inform Jarid upon his return. (assuming he does return of course).
I was hoping to build anticipation for Jarid's reaction to what has happened to Shadow. What do you think he'll do and how?
(I already have it all planned out btw)
Oh man, I got so hung up on Shadow himself I didn't even think about Jarid XDD Hell hath no fury!!
*ooo, I also wonder if/how Smolder will join the gang at that point >.>
Can't wait to see what you have in store!