Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
*This story is under my folder titled “Perdita and Thorne…”. Gacha Club character designs are in my forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1155. Enjoy!*
Thorne staggered through the dried grass, warm blood dripping from his mouth. It hadn’t been that long since his father put him into one of his strange machines that sent him to another place, another time. It hadn’t been that long since his father made him a vampire.
It hadn’t been that long since he took her from him. Perdita Beaumont. The only one who understood him, heart and soul. His girlfriend.
Or had it? Thorne was not quite sure anymore. All the days had melded into a blurry, hazy mess in his mind. Whenever he tried to decipher what was going on, his head would hurt really, really bad, almost like the jarring, shocking pain he felt in the back of his head when he drank blood, but not quite. No, it was worse when he drank blood.
He thought that he only drank animal blood, as it was not quite rich and human blood, he imagined, would be richer, but he was not sure. Wouldn’t screams sound the same? Wouldn’t the sheer, pure fear taste the same?
He didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything anymore. The carriages were not like carriages, but big, metallic hulking things that zoomed so fast on a solid black trail. The people dressed in clothes that were scarce and simplistic in layering and details. They said words that he did not know, could not understand.
He didn’t know anybody around him, but he felt, deep down, that Perdita was there. Somewhere, she was waiting for him, in the vastness of the obscenely lit, screeching town.
That was why Thorne was walking through the local woods, the moonlight beaming down on him. He was not walking in a straight line, for the terror and thrill of drinking blood made him dizzy, but he knew what he wanted: To find Perdita.
He had to keep walking…and walking…and walking-
Thorne stopped. In front of him was a decrepit manor, the wood darkened and blackened, the roof nearly caving in. It had a wide expanse of dirt that would be perfect for flowers, a whole garden of them.
Perfect for Perdita. Perdita liked flowers.
Though he did not know where the house came from or why it was abandoned, he didn’t care. It was a lonely house and it would be the perfect place for him and Perdita.
With renowned vigor, he ran towards the manor, for the very first time, hopeful for what was to come.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Heyo, creeper, most recent piece in this folder 😊 Violet Victory!
I like how this is immediately relevant to the previous work in the folder. It makes me wish that instead of posting them as soon as you come up with them, that you would actually take the time to sort them into a longer chapter to post. I often say that I wish your works would be longer and this is part of that. The shorter they are the less we can say about them and they can appear completely detached from any narrative. It would also help with my recurring criticism that you keep mentioning your characters from earlier works or later works but it doesn’t make sense here because these are stand-alone short stories that should work on their own.
Okay rant over, let’s look at the work proper xd
I like how we’re immediately in Thorne’s head and I feel so much for him. His confusion, his mental state, well-expressed. I also don’t remember if it was mentioned before but oh man, drinking blood hurts?
Did Thorne survive the hole but took years to get out of it? Is he a medieval vampire now stuck in the modern world??
Poor Thorn. I really like how you led us and him through this little story, that it becomes clear that he’s too confused to make much sense and that ofc that he would wander into the woods. I also like how consistently he thinks of Perdita. It just works ^^
These are not standalones but sort of like chapters. This takes place after his origin, when he is trying to find a place to stay in the modern world. One day I will try to format them into something bigger.
Thx for reading!
Hello hello! It is I, CrimsonTears (or Crim for short)! I am here to read and review this amazing piece! Typically, I read and review as I go and so as usual, that is also how I will review your work here! Let’s dig in, shall we!
As always, I like to start with the title and genre the writer has chosen.
A place where we can dream [Thorne’s POV] not only is a fascinating title but also gives a lot of information specifically with who’s POV is being used! I think the genre of Supernatural/Romantic also gives even more information to what type of reading is here! At first glance I’m assuming Thorne is thinking about someone important and their future together but with the supernatural fact, perhaps Thorne isn’t your typical person or the other person isn’t!
Anyways, moving on into the actual review here…
And we start this reading with a FANTASTIC first sentence! I really like this sentence a lot. There is great description and so therefore gives me a great mental image of what the scene and atmosphere to this story! Upon further reading I’m actually surprised to find he is a vampire! I thought he was injured and blood was running from his mouth from that but perhaps instead he was just having a quick meal.
Aw there is a relationship in this story! But that is so sad that something has happened to her! I wonder how much gravity is in the word “took” though. I’m at the edge of my seat already!
This right here makes me feel so much pity for this character because it seems he is trying so hard to be that morally good vampire but even then the vampire in him is battling him internally. There is obviously a heavy load on his shoulders.
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND *sniff* SO SAD AT THE SAME TIME ToT Thorne is trying SO hard to find his lady that his dad took away from him and he just wanted her back and loves and adores her so much that even though time has passed and who knows how much, he STILL remembers she loves flowers and is still hopeful in finding her. He just wants to start a life with her and won’t give up. That is a good devoted man ToT (my heart cant take anymore of this *sobs*)
Overall this entire was amazing and to be honest I’m glad it’s only a short story because if it were any longer my heart would not have made it. This has tugged at my heart strings so badly ToT
The critiques…
1. Obviously Thorne misses Perdita. But I’m curious to know what she looks like. Does he remember her like he saw her yesterday or is her memory as fuzzy as the rest? Do the colors of the petals remind him of her eyes?
But now for the highlights!
Everything about this story I love! I’ve read quite a few of your stories over my time on YWS but this is definitely one of my favorites. I don’t know what about your writing tickles my brain but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a writing of yours that I didn’t like! But this one specifically is a favorite! I shall now snoop and see if I can find anymore stories on Thorne and Perdita.
Overall this was a great read and I hope to read more of these characters soon!
Have an amazing rest of your day/night!
Crim signing out!