A love so beautiful that it feels like torture

*This story is under my folder titled “Perdita and Thorne…” and is the story “Their love really is eternal, isn’t it?” but in Thorne’s POV. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*

Thorne kept his claws clasped with Perdita’s as they walked throughout the garden, the moonlight gleaming on their bone-white skin that lacked any pimples, any bruises, any blemishes, the kind of pale skin in cracked, worn-out, yet honored like deities, Renaissance paintings.

The moon didn’t just bring out their uncannily flawless skin, but Perdita’s moss-green eyes, peering up at him from underneath lace-like black eyelashes. Freckles were sprinkled around her face as though stars had fallen from the sky and settled into her skin, blooming into darker-peach toned dots on her face.

He felt his heart fluttering in his chest as he walked with her in the garden. It had been many centuries and still, looking at her was like looking at an angel, an angel who would forgive even the lowliest of creatures.

Yes, they were both vampires. Yes, they drank the blood of humans without hesitation, without much worry.

But wasn’t that how it was supposed to be? Thorne knew that he was in love with Perdita for his whole life, ever since they first met. The connection between them had only grown stronger over the years spent together, like vines building up in a cemetery, snaking through one another in loops to protect what was sacred ground, a place where no careless souls could tread.

When Perdita was taken away from him, Thorne had worked tirelessly to find her, only stopping briefly to eat and then pursuing on his journey to find her again. Once he finally had her wrapped up in his arms, he turned her into a vampire and ever since then, the two of them lived in an abandoned manor together, hiding in the veiled shadows, sharing in the joys of existing despite all odds, finding flower-light love amidst all of the flesh-tearing gore and violence, amidst the sorrow that settled in their hearts when they thought too much about the past.

She then stopped in front of a wide, gaping hole in the ground, her claw still interlocked with his, her moss-green eyes tinged with tears…wait, why the tears?

“Thorne, I’ve been thinking about us lately. About who we are and what we stand for. I love you so much that I feel like I’m going to bleed out into nothingness. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. You didn’t ask to be a vampire. We didn’t ask to be vampires.” Perdita said.

Her soft, angel hand caressed his cheek. Her voice was as musical and tinkling-toned as a harp, her ginger hair was warm like the June sunset, like the kisses she would leave on his lips when all of the torture and mayhem was done, when it was the two of them in the quiet of their forsaken, vine-overtaken house.

There was no other way to describe Perdita but as an angel. She was just perfect like that.

“But I don’t want to live like this. This isn’t me. I don’t want to have to live off of the blood of others…it feels wrong…it-“

“Perdita, stop. Don’t cry. You’re just trying to survive. You’re not a monster for existing, you’re-“

“You made me this way because you wanted to be with me, right? You were so happy to see me again that you couldn’t resist. Is that so? I want to be with you, but not like this.” Perdita said.

Her voice was beginning to crack, the tears in her eyes were becoming more visible, but still, she didn’t cry. She sounded like she wanted to, she looked like she was about to, but she didn’t.

His heart that was merely fluttering before began pounding against his rib cage, as though it would explode into syrup-red liquid on the cool summer grass.

Did she really think that she was that much of a monster? There were humans around who had done cruel, terrible things. The both of them only killed to eat. Neither one could think too much about the victims, or else their psyche would shatter into pieces. Especially when their hunger was so great that they went after young humans in their haze.

Perdita shouldn’t have been so hard on herself. The time for being human was gone for them both long ago. They had to survive so that they could live together, so that their love could triumph over all adversity, so that they could be together no matter what came their way, what-

Wasn’t that what true love was all about?

“We can be together, Thorne. I’m going to jump in this hole that I’ve dug and I’ll pierce my heart with this stake. One end will be sticking up out of my chest. You can join me if you want. You’ll be impaled by this stake, but death doesn’t have to be frightening. Maybe we’ll be surprised and go to Heaven. Maybe we’ll burn in Hell, our screams reaching no one. Maybe there will be nothing. But Thorne, anything that death brings will not break me, because we’ll have each other. We’ll be able to brave it all together, and we will keep our claws clasped with one another forevermore. I…I don’t want to live this way anymore.” Perdita said, those tears still somehow not falling down, making her eyes as unflinching and static as glass.

He drew away from her touch, his thoughts swirling and screeching in his head. He couldn’t look at her perfect, freckled face that was about to cry, cry because she was unhappy with her life, because no matter what happened, no matter how strong their love was, she would always miss her past life, she would always feel broken.

There had to be something else done to make her feel better. Something else that didn’t involve death. Never once did he have to face the possibility of dying, but in that moment, he wondered…

What was Hell like? Would he be able to hold Perdita in his arms? Would he lose her again? Would he lose his sense of self, would he become nothing but a screaming face in the mess of flames, a nameless tormented soul amongst the other nameless tormented souls? Would he forget his name, what motivated him, what frightened him, what he dreamed of, what he feared of…would he forget her?

“Do you really want this? To die? Do you understand what may happen to us after we die? Heaven doesn’t want us. We have to kill to eat. They’re going to make us suffer. They’ll-“

“But we’ll suffer with each other.” Perdita said, a small smile quivering on her face. Her tears were all gone, but her voice still cracked from the sobs that hadn’t spilled.

He didn’t want them to suffer together, he wanted them to be happy together. Why couldn’t they live as selfishly, sappily in love as all of the human couples? Why couldn’t they keep sharing their own joys in the glow of the moon and under the roof of the manor?

Thorne stood still, unable to move his lips, to plead further for her to change her mind. What would he say that would work? She seemed set on her decision and if she died, then what was the point of living? She was the one sparkling thing in his life, everything else was full of such awful, dreaded evil.

Even in his own gloom, he still felt his heart race with a hint of optimism when she placed her lips on his, when she drew him close to her. He returned the favor, hoping that maybe, she would reconsider her choice. That she’d drop the whole idea of dying and that she would find glory in what she was, that she would still see herself as the angel he knew that she was.

When she let go, when their foreheads were touching and their faces were a mere few inches from one another, Thorne whispered in a shaking voice that betrayed how he was really feeling on the inside:

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Perdita squeezed his claws in a way that was supposed to be sweet, but felt all too final for him. Would it really be the last time he would see her kindly, vibrant eyes?

“I’ll haunt you if I become a ghost.” Perdita said with a smile, giving him a too-quick peck on the lips before letting go, before walking towards the hole she dug, the body-shaped hole, before she reached down to the grass and grabbed a piece of wood that she had carved and fussed over for many weeks, the piece of wood he told himself not to overthink about…

She stabbed herself in the chest, her moss-green eyes closing shut, falling with a heavy thud! into the body-shaped hole she dug up.

Why hadn’t he questioned her more? Why didn’t he worry more? Why did he assume that her digging the hole and carving the piece of wood had something to do with planting flowers? If only he had talked to her earlier, then he would have stopped her before and he wouldn’t have to face a future without her.

Thorne hesitantly walked towards the hole, a small part of his brain insisting that he look at Perdita, take in all of her features, before he thought of covering her up, of hiding away an angelic creature.

He hitched a breath when he saw what lay in the hole.

Perdita’s limbs were splayed all around her just like the mini dolls in his father’s study, curving at odd, obscene angles that made Thorne’s stomach feel like it would boil into his intestines. Her neck had broken in the fall, so her head had bent to the side, her bones jutting out from her skin like creatures waiting to crawl out and feast on her flesh.

On her chest, the makeshift wooden stake stuck up like a splinter, rust-red blood staining her hot pink dress. Though she had dressed and decorated herself as a modern human, Thorne could smell the history in her blood, the centuries of happiness and heartache pouring out onto the worm-infested dirt as though her many years of love and loss didn’t matter at all, as though she was just as unremarkable as any other living, breathing thing in the world, as though-

What was he supposed to do with the rest of his existence? What kind of ecstasy was he supposed to find? The night seemed so much more bitter without her, the world seemed less promising without her.

Thorne stood by the hole, paralyzed with shock, trying to come up with something to do, something that could make everything right.

He swallowed hard and jumped in the hole, wincing as he landed on top of Perdita, as the stake pierced his heart. If he couldn’t live with Perdita, he wouldn’t live at all.

Wasn’t that what true love was all about?