*This song/poem is underneath my folder titled “Elsdale circus”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Wyatt saw Percy from up above
He saw how his best friend was blaming himself
Percy had a power that he didn’t want to hold
At least, that was what Evander up in the sky told him
For there are two routes for someone dealt with the death touch
They could kill like Mr. Shapcott
Or love like Percy Hatchett
And when Percy graced the gates of Heaven
Wyatt wrapped him in an embrace
While Evander wept for his brother, Leopold Shapcott
Destined to burn in Hell
Dazzling lights or carnival frights
It all depends on who picks what
In the circus of life
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Sorry clicked the wrong thing for review XD
Nicely done^^
Hey vampricone! Dropping by to give you a review. I will be using the YWS'mores method to help structure my review.
sorry I can't be more helpful!
The Top Graham Cracker: Oooh, more poetry? Let's go! As you know, it's not my strongest suit (there's a reason I was never a poetry mod, lol) but I still try my best! Unfortunately, I'm not as well-articulated as some of the other poetry reviewers here on the site, but I always try my best. So let's dig in and see what you got for us!
The Slightly Burnt Marshmallow: Unfortunately, I have nothing to critique here! The rhythm and flow seemed pretty solid to me, and I saw no grammar nitpicks.
The Melty Chocolate Bar This was really good! I really enjoyed how light and airy this poem was. Super glad that you opted for a free-verse poem and did not force a rhythm pattern, as I really dislike those and how awkward and forced they can sound! I thought the flow in this poem was really good. Each sentence seemed to ease its way into the next and the pacing was steady and consistent. I really enjoyed the range between all the characters - how Wyatt was happy to see Percy when he came into the afterlife and embraced him, compared to Evander, who wept for his brother who went the other direction.
My favorite lines were these:
The Bottom Graham Cracker: Overall, this was a really good poem and it's nice to see you dabble in poetry here and there, as always! I hope you enjoyed writing this, because it was a pleasure to read.
I hope this review was a bit helpful.
~Iggy
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this!
🕰️⚙️Factory’s end ⚙️🕰️
New song/poem! I%u2019ll link the other stories and song/poems connected to this if you%u2019re interested!
I%u2019m not sure if you are interested, but here are some other songs that connect to this:
🩵🌲 A brotherly type of love 🌲🩵
🕰️⚙️Factory’s end ⚙️🕰️
☠️🪦 Sebastian Shapcott 🪦☠️
Hello, My Friend!
I have come with an *overdue* review for this final piece in the Elsdale Circus arc! Let's dive in, shall we?
This is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I love how you chose this method to give us some perspective from Wyatt--and a bit from Evander too. The way you show the contrast between Percy and Leopold is great, and I'm not sure if you have any plans for more installations in the Elsdale storyline here, but this feels like a very...for lack of a better word, conclusive piece. It feels like it's summing up the fates of Percy and Leopold from the only perspective we've yet to see (unless I'm forgetting someone), and shows us a very bittersweet ending.
As for a more technical review, I personally can't think of anything to recommend. I will say that the past form of "weeped" is--for god knows what reason--properly meant to be "wept." But that's a tiny, very nitpicky thing to bring up, and it's an easy error to make (I've done it so many times myself XD).
Oh, favorite things about this piece--so much to consider!
First of all, this:
I love how you bring back and address both the unfortunate similarity and the differences between Percy and Leopold. Give in to death and kill, or fight it and love. Beautiful ~
Likewise, the way you wrapped up the piece:
I love the terms you used there--dazzling lights, carnival frights, the circus of life. It keeps to the theme, but it works just so well for the context and the characters. It also helps give me that feeling of closure, like it's driving home the theme of the story.
I honestly just love everything about this piece; the wording, the imagery, the themes--everything is so good!
Overall, fantastic work, nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
So glad you enjoyed! Yes, there are other things I plan to add to %u201CElsdale circus%u201D. I%u2019ll let you know!
So glad you enjoyed! Yes, there are other things I plan to add to %u201CElsdale circus%u201D. I%u2019ll let you know!
So glad you enjoyed! Yes, there are other things I plan to add to %u201CElsdale circus%u201D. I%u2019ll let you know!
Yay, awesome!! Thanks! ^^
🕰️⚙️Factory’s end ⚙️🕰️
New song/poem!