A man’s body lies lifeless,
Underneath the blooming cherry tree
Crimson blood paint
Delicate and warm petals,
Smell of rottenness
Fades the sweet fragrance,
Curious creatures come and go
Tasting the offered meat,
Crows fly high in the sky
Revealing the forgotten one,
Wind caresses the rusty branches
And the shaggy hair,
Rain washes the dusty tree
And cleans the dead soul,
Abandoned to nature,
Underneath the dying cherry tree
Embraced is the lost body
By the sorrowful tree
Your grave shall be here,
Flesh blended with wood,
Bone turned to dirt
Time passes,
Spring arrives
Wild herbs and colorful flowers rise,
Singing birds echo,
Bees search for their long waited juice,
Butterflies vainly unfold their magnificent wings,
A new world is born,
Light brightens
Underneath the blooming cherry tree
Where once cruel fate stroke,
Blinding hazel eyes,
Stealing the last breath
A man’s body lay lifeless
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,593 Literary Works • 673,545 Reviews
This poem was awesome! Great details and loved the setting! Please continue to write!!
Sincerely,
Fullmetaldragon
This is absolutely wonderful. I love dark poems like this! I like how it's not just a poem, it's a story. So kudos to you on being able to do that. I'm known for my criticism on things like this but since I can't find any, I'll applaud you.
Yeah, so it gets pretty dark here. Here you're implying that the animals, being the scavengers they are, eat the dead body, cool. I liked this line in particular for it's obscurity so well done.
Aww, so beautiful. It's a nice break from all that death and such. Good work on expressing the whole beauty from pain thing, I like it. I especially liked the line with the butterflies.
The reveal is always fun. I found it interesting you chose 'hazel eyes' over any over color of the rainbow. None-the-less this was an enjoyable poem and It's earned my approval. You proved that death can be beautiful as well as unpleasant.
Good job and happy writing,
ScarletDreams16
+1 Favorite
+1 Follow
Hello scarletdreams16, thank you very much for reviewing. I get really happy when people like my writing, especially when this is was really the first poem I ever wrote. I wanted to find a blend of death and birth and I think I was able to come across it in the poem so I'm gald you enjoyed it. On a minor note, about the hazel color there was no special reason behind, just that I didn't want to use such a simple and basic color as the ones of the rainbow and also because I really like eyes of that color.
P.S.: Sorry for the late reply.
Hi there!
Great poem, really enjoyed the vivid imagery created and the use of the cherry tree. The dead, dying and the ones just born show an interesting connection drawing me into your poem. I feel a sense of melancholy as I read this poem, the forgotten body that is now being consumed by the natural world. There's peace but also sadness witht the death as to me it seems the wordl around the body uses the death to bring life to the world.
I found the poem really engaging and hope to see more of your work.
Hello sigyn, thank you very much for reviewing. I feel really relieved and happy that you were able to come across the message so perfectly well. I wanted to express the cycle of life by means of death and birth without focusing too much on either of them but using them as an essential match to each other, just as you mention it.
P.S.: Sorry for the VERY late reply.
Hey, first off, great poem! Your description and small details added to the dark feeling of it. The last stanzas, where you describe the circle of life, are particularly beautiful. I got the picture early on and the first lines caught me. It was very easy to read! The only suggestion I have for you is this: I found it unsettling that the first and last lines were the same. When I came to the end, it didn't seem quite finished. Wrap it up, put a bow on it! Make the last line something that I'll remember after I'm done.
Amazing. Keep writing!
-Infinitywriter
Hello infinitywriter, thank you very much for reviewing.
About the first and last lines I actually made it on purpose because the theme of the all poem is the cycle of life and somehow I wanted to include that picture on the poem itself and if you notice it the lines aren't quite the same because I change the verb tense on them both. The first line I use the present as in the body is there under the tree and, in the last line, I use the past as in the body is no longer under the tree, just like a cycle. Hope I made the message cross.
P.S.: Sorry for the VERY late reply.
Hi cpedro jessiebear hair to rite a review. Ok I like it a lot but I think it can have a little bit more work like for instants a little bit more duscripshen and an little pit mare culler. And tell us what sum of the animals are. Like was there a fox or a tiger I don't no that was just a agsampil you make it up. and the tree the body was under maybe describe it as well. But it is still good.
I hop I was not rood if I was I am very sorry. I hope you have a good Day/Night
Hello jessiebear, you weren't rude at all and I appreciate your review.
The only reason I didn't go into adding more animals was because I didn't want the reader to focus on the animals but to picture all creatures in general. If you notice I only mention the crows on that part because they are animals related to death, hence the reason to mention them, because they fited the picture.
P.S.: Sorry for the VERY late reply.
That Is okay.