From the sweet lullaby of a songbird,
To the charming human voice;
In delightful sounds I rejoice,
Leaving all the sadness behind;
Until now I was blind,
Lost in the darkest of nights;
But bathed by the world’s colorful lights,
I awake to the rising sun;
No longer will I run,
From the pleading blissful smile;
Nor will I rile
With the heart’s screaming cries;
Hence here I leave my goodbyes,
To the darkness in disguise:
*
Dancing
upon the ashes of life,
I
wait for the bloom of the new dawn;
And
as memories of yesterday are gone,
Dreams
of tomorrow invade;
Just
like the tip of a blade,
I’ll
pierce through the unknown;
For
whatever might be shown,
I’ll keep moving forward…
*
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, cpedro!
I have stumbled across your poem and boy am I glad I did.
First, I'm going to start with your structure. I love poems with a nice structure and this is a beautiful example of such. Your structure creates such a nice flow into the next stanzas creating such a nice rhythm I could almost sing along with it. Another important tool discovered is switched to italicized around halfway through. Incorporating such is a creative switch in tone/ideas and is amazingly implemented. Second, your diction is exquisite while still rhyming addictively at the end of each line; mighty impressive. Usually, I have some sort of constructive criticism but this piece is so well balanced, all I can say is continue construing such beautiful work.
Your Friend,
Cheaper
Hello, cpedro!
I have stumbled across your poem and boy am I glad I did.
First, I'm going to start with your structure. I love poems with a nice structure and this is a beautiful example of such. Your structure creates such a nice flow into the next stanzas creating such a nice rhythm I could almost sing along with it. Another important tool discovered is switched to italicized around halfway through. Incorporating such is a creative switch in tone/ideas and is amazingly implemented. Second, your diction is exquisite while still rhyming addictively at the end of each line; mighty impressive. Usually, I have some sort of constructive criticism but this piece is so well balanced, all I can say is continue construing such beautiful work.
Your Friend,
Cheaper
Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
Hello! Anna here, ready to review!
So, let's start out by looking at your poem's meanings and moods. Oh think mood is very important in this poem, especially since it changes so fast. At the beginning of the poem we can tell you have a lighter, happier mood because of the word choice (sweet, lullaby, songbird, charming, delightful, rejoice)--and that's just the first stanza! When you start the italicized portion, the words "ashes of life" and invade bring about a darker meaning.
For a theme of your poem, I'd say the unitalicized part is about living freely and leaving your demons behind; stepping into the light, per say. However, the italicized portion seems to be about just living until the next day and going where you don't know. Both are different takes in the idea of tomorrow; one is about the opportunities tomorrow offers, while the other is about staying strong no matter what tomorrow brings. Very different ideas yet both make sense. Kudos on that!
I would say overall to take a look at your punctuation. You shouldn't really be ending stanzas in semicolons that it doesn't make sense for, those stanzas should be an ending. With a period. While I get why you did it for the last three stanzas of the unitalicized portion, the first stanza can just end on its own. You don't need to end on a semicolon with the first stanza because it can stand in its own, and the other ideas don't need it to survive. Ergo, you can end it with a period.
Nice poem! You had incredible word choice and description. Keep up the good writing!
Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll be sure to take into account my punctuation in the future!