Adrift on Blue

Hi cpedro! This is a really pretty poem, and I like that it's not too long for its own good. You were able to describe the scenery very well, and I had a clear picture in my mind of a calm, blue, endless void turning startlingly fast into a raging gray storm cloud that rises from the deepest of the depths.

I have to say, the last stanza threw me off a little bit. I think it might have been the way you suddenly started talking to the reader, as if you were describing all the beautiful, silently strong components of the sea for them. I think, if you had found a way to keep the readers out of it, it would have maintained the sense that people get when they watch a movie, like it's really scary, or moving, but it's not real; after it's over, you are completely indifferent to all the characters you had fallen in love or hate with. I was reading the first section of your poem, and I got that feeling; I became worried for anyone who was trapped on a sinking ship, or any ship for that matter, not being able to distinguish left from right, or sky from sea. However, when you started talking to me, or all the other readers, I lost that feeling, and my feet hit the ground with a startling thud.

That was the only thing you could do to improve your poem, though. Great work on this!

~Caterpickle

Hello, Ruby here for a review of this absolutely beautiful piece

First off, I haven't read many poems that were all italicized. I don't think it would work with most poems, however, this is one in which it really did. I think it's perfectly fitting since you are talking about the ocean- it's almost as if they are gentle waves, pushing the piece along. It looks really beautiful, as well, considering how short and sweet this is!

Now for the good stuff, which is the actual poem. I saw you said to another reviewer that you normally write novels, but considering this I could hardly tell. The composition is great. I like that you used two stanzas of 4 lines and then the conclusion had an extra line that sets it apart. While the first two are cut short and choppy (in a good way) the last one is smooth and ends the piece almost like a lullaby. I also like the rhyming you did here because it's subtle and not always perfect, but you still chose words that compliment each other really well, such as with 'horrors' and 'waters'.

The word choice fits well with the subject and the italicizing. All of the words are almost mystical and mysterious, just like the ocean and all that it may be holding. The whole thing sounds lovely and really rolls off the tongue. Even just the title- adrift in blue. Ugh, it sounds so dreamy and romantic, and I'm always one for the romantics.

Now for the subject matter! The story you tell here is great- so many use the ocean as a metaphor for all that is good and calm in this world, but you took a different route. It's almost as if you're comparing sailing the ocean to living life. I LOVED the line "Guided by misled maps". It almost gave me chills, because anyone feels that way about their direction sometimes, including me. And the alliteration is nice, again just rolling off the tongue. It is very thought provoking- what choices can lead us and which ones can mislead us?

The second stanza is serious, and almost dark. Great imagery here, with "Swallowed into the darkness / Between the storm's rage". It's almost like I could imagine being in the midst of a swelling, tumbling storm that I just get lost in. Again, this applies a lot to real life. When you're in a situation so out of control that instead of getting away from the disaster you just become part of it. It's deep.

In the last stanza, switching from the first person 'I' to the second person 'you' to address the reader personally was great. The reader has read about all the struggles you have gone through and your advice is obviously not to be taken lightly: be careful of what may seem calm because it can always turn around on you. It's a great theme, great message. One that anyone could use, and using the image of an all-knowing sea was great in getting that message across. It's also interesting because the poem almost evolves from this simple problem to a full-blown rage, to a suppressed evil always on a hunt.

Overall, I thought this was simply beautiful. You should keep trying out some poetry because you're really good and I would love to read some more!

Hi,
cpedro, we meet again, aye?

This is so simple that brings a lot of hidden insights in this.

*Revving for review*

The italicized words! The italicized words! In the previous review, you've spoken of making this poem painted like waves. Interesting concepts, I respect it. By the way, this italicized words made a calm visual experience. And in the end, it brings out somewhat a sarcastic tone of the speaker. Rather lovely.

You, a poet, can do more than that. We change the rule of poetry. There are no real rule in poetry. e. e. cumming's style on poems, for example, is very delightful to the eyes. Try to find the creativity in yourself.

And the title is interesting and beautiful. "Blue" is a calm word to begin with, and then it proved that my early perceptions of the poem is accurately correct. Title plays a part as the poem biggest persona to mask it.

*Going for review...now!*

I don't like the sound of "enemy" here.

I. Just. Don't. Like. It.

Instead of telling enemy, you can symbolize the "enemy" as you portrayed your poem in italicized words. Try to be more open. For example, you can relate your feeling in the word "enemy". What you feel about your enemy... State it down and try to fit in into the poem.

Next is about "Sailing"...

I meant no harm... The word is harmless, but the tense is not. This is the only tense of continuous in your poem, making this word weirder. I agree about the meaning, it is just regarding rhyme and appearance of this poem.

An overall judgement on the first paragraph... This relates to me. I know that is personal stuff, but I just want to state it out. Like when we confront some situations in our life because of a false map... Simply beautiful, but using "maps" is like cliche. Not a bad cliche, but finding other words would be better, but that's the hard part.

And "storm's rage" is for me wrong thing to write. Not because of the grammar because personification can always kick in to protect non-human, but instead, because of the unrealistic.

Keep calm...

It is rather unrealistic because it's overused. Try to merge that words. Expanding it may be work, because the second paragraph lacks some long lines.

And the end truly wraps things up!

...and that's a bad thing...

Keep your patience again...

Try putting some ambiguities that will lead your readers to wonder even more! Like haiku, the lesser you explain, the stronger the poem.

*Stopping down the review*

Sweet little poem, I tell you that I love you.

... Not you, the poet, but the poem.

Kidding! XD

Okay, to end things up, all are okay.

I used the word "okay" for a reason; it's up to you to interpret it.

Keep writing!

Adieu!

~Memo

P/s:

Hear me out!

Hi cpedro, Felistia here with a review on your poem.

I really like the theme you have here. I love the ocean and tales about ships, if that is what you are writing about here. Is there a reason it is in italics? I like the gentle rhyming scheme you chose here, it really helps with the flow. Over all the lines are the same size and I can't find any spelling or grammar mistakes. Your chose of words is great and really helps convey the emotion and foreboding you put into this piece. Over all I really liked it and look forwarded to more of your work. I hope you have a great day\night.