She's a bad woman.
He's a dangerous man.
She's collecting gold,
And he's playing hearts.
Wine on her hand,
Cigar on his mouth.
Promises in their words,
And sin in their eyes.
She's a bad woman.
He's a dangerous man.
Her smile, your demise;
His kisses, your doom.
Together they collide,
Cold hearts in flames.
Two masters in their game,
Caugh in each other's webs.
She's a bad woman.
He's a dangerous man.
She's lost in desire,
And he's lost in passion.
Sunsets by the beach,
Late nights at the movies.
Childish laughs,
And a world of their own.
She's a bad woman.
He's a dangerous man.
Her perfume, his paradise;
His voice, her lullaby.
Taste of pure love;
Two souls alive.
Tenderness it started,
And obsession it became.
She's a bad woman.
He's a dangerous man.
She's blind in jealously,
And he's bound by possessiveness.
Suffocating each other,
On feelings never known.
Afraid to loose what was never theirs,
They forget what made them one.
She's a bad woman.
He's a dangerous man.
Her lies, his rage.
His screams, her cries.
Tears in her eyes;
Whisky on his glass.
In hopelessness they drown,
And shattered they stand.
She's a bad woman.
He's a dangerous man.
She's pleading freedmon;
And he's running away.
Farewells and broken hearts;
Two lovers they were, two strangers they became.
Bitterswetness remains,
As the memories haunt.
She's a good woman.
He's a gentle man.
She's done collecting,
And he's playing no more.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Let me start off by saying that this poem is great! I love how you've written this poem: it's short, descriptive and it's very vivid to imagine what is happening. You wrote every sentence after sentence to separate ideas, perfectly. The repetition helps the poem flow very easily. The sentences at the beginning and end of each paragraph link very well with the topic.
I'm going to start with what I like about your poem and end with what i would suggest changing.
Your use of repetition was well-used, phenomenal in fact. Using "She's a bad woman, He's a dangerous man" in between each stanza was a good way to separate ideas and thoughts. The usage of oneness in this poem helped it flow and kept the idea of these two toxic personalities flowing through.
Okay now on to the other stuff, which really isn't all that bad, just little nitpicks.
First off, in the fourteenth stanza you misspelled bittersweetness, I think you just forgot the second E.
In the second stanza,
"Wine on her hand,
Cigar on his mouth.
Promises in their words,
And sin in their eyes. "
I think the poem would really benefit and contribute to the already well thought out flow if you changed both 'on' to 'is'. Read it out with the replaced words, see what you think, it's all a matter of opinion.
Last of all, in the fourth stanza you have these two lines
" Two masters in their game,
Caugh in each other's webs."
You need to add a T onto caught and I think you should maybe switch the two lines. Caught in each other's webs is a little weak as the ending of that stanza and Two masters in their game is a strong line that brings your point across.
Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day.
I'm going to start with what I like about your poem and end with what i would suggest changing.
Your use of repetition was well-used, phenomenal in fact. Using "She's a bad woman, He's a dangerous man" in between each stanza was a good way to separate ideas and thoughts. The usage of oneness in this poem helped it flow and kept the idea of these two toxic personalities flowing through.
Okay now on to the other stuff, which really isn't all that bad, just little nitpicks.
First off, in the fourteenth stanza you misspelled bittersweetness, I think you just forgot the second E.
In the second stanza,
"Wine on her hand,
Cigar on his mouth.
Promises in their words,
And sin in their eyes. "
I think the poem would really benefit and contribute to the already well thought out flow if you changed both 'on' to 'is'. Read it out with the replaced words, see what you think, it's all a matter of opinion.
Last of all, in the fourth stanza you have these two lines
" Two masters in their game,
Caugh in each other's webs."
You need to add a T onto caught and I think you should maybe switch the two lines. Caught in each other's webs is a little weak as the ending of that stanza and Two masters in their game is a strong line that brings your point across.
Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day.