this is the start of a novel, it's a sort of prologue, sorry, i didn't say so earlier. Please, watch out for the other part.
The Truth; Her Story: Prologue
What is it with life that it leaves you hopeless, searching for a reason for existence? I am jumping from hill to valley, getting injured on my way down, the same on my way up as I squeeze my hopes to fit through its narrow crowded tunnels. My mum used to say, “There’s always light at the end of a tunnel”, she passed away a year ago. She even used to say, “it’s my husband who is expected to die before me, not the other way around”, when she left, she left him and he left me last month.
I was supposed to get married to the love of my life, that’s what he is, right? He got a job abroad shortly after proposing to me so we had to move our wedding ceremony forward till he was “settled down”. How long does it take to settle down, months, years? It’s taken him almost a year and a half. Yes, my parents were alive when he proposed and they were happy, not anymore, I’m pretty sure they died unhappy. You see, after the first three months, my mother encouraged me to get married to someone else but each time, I refused, “he’s coming, mom, give him time”, my dad used to support me but he soon took my mum’s side.
“When’s the wedding coming up?”My aunt asked, my friends, our friends, I would always say “soon”, Right? He always said the same thing, I should share that hope, I should believe in him? Not anymore, I’ve given up on this, he’s not coming, I know because he has not talked to me ever since my Dad died, he has not answered any of my calls either, all communication dead. You know, I just realized, all communication, it died a long time ago, before he left me, before he proposed, a long time before the major events in my life.
So I picked up my computer, I’m a writer, my books get published, I get paid, big time but I always wrote on online sites, giving back to the world who started me. I started writing online, I would have to continue, it was my favorite past time.
These two sites were the beginning of my happiness, I wrote, made friends and met a soul mate. His name’s Timothy O’Brian and now I am Bonnie O’Brian. This is the truth and I don’t still know how it happened but us is as true as our first born son.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
That was really a pleasure to read. ^-^
Wassup wassup wassup? My name is Ossum and this is your review!
So as the guy below me said, some run on sentences, some grammar errors, but nothing a simple touch up can't fix. But I really loved the way you wrote this. I will say though, that I feel it was rushed at the end. not that it was a bad thing, and I might just be a sucker for romance. But you gave us so much about the bad relationship and only a few lines of how you actually made it work. It's almost like everything was just, I don't know, "Ok, here is how it ended, thanks." Kind of thing. It was still a great read, and a great message. And I love reading all your works, so keep on writing.
*Just remember I love romance!* *sagely nod*
LATER!
thank you so much, i touched it up a bit now. it is the beginning of a novel, sorry i didn't say so. And yes, i rushed the end part. *can't watch*
:3
That was good. I enjoyed it, in fact I'm surprised I'm the first to review.
There were a few run-on sentences I noticed. In the beginning, you wrote, "My mum used to say, “There’s always light at the end of a tunnel”, she passed away a year ago, she even used to say, “it’s my husband who is expected to die before me, not the other way around”, when she left, she left him and he left me last month." As you can see, to the reader that drags on a little. Replace a few of those commas with periods and then you're good.
Another one I spotted: "So I picked up my computer, I’m a writer, my books get published, I get paid, big time but I always wrote on online sites, giving back to the world who started me, I started writing online, I would have to continue, it was my favorite past time." That would sound even better if there were a few periods in between. Run-ons, of course, aren't a huge deal. In fact, my mom puts commas in EVERYTHING. I can't remember ever seeing her use a period mark once in my life.
Besides for that, nice work! This was a good read.
thank you for the review. i always have that problem, the run-on sentences thingy, that's why there's you guys to review! i have touched it up now so please check it out. plus, i would like to meet your mum!
Okay, I just reread it. You did an awesome job touching it up! I mean, it was solid to begin with, but a lot of people won't go back and edit so I give you huge props for doing so. This is a wonderful prologue and I think'll it make for a very interesting novel.