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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Truth

by beeyaay


The Truth

He had lived with him all his life. He worked on his farm, danced in the humus interlaced soil and pruned the vegetables. He fed the birds and the cows, saddled the horses before any ride out and he never for once felt wrong about it.

The truth is a façade of understandable lies, the total package of reason coupled with a second face just behind the first.

Twenty two years of the truth, a pile of lies all interlaced, blocking his view and clouding his moral compass. Piecing together, every fact and making himself admit to it. The wrongs become right, giving no reason to have left, even at eighteen.

The fact is that, he is not his son. The fact is that he was not his father.

Now, “I will have to go”, he says, “I can’t stay here anymore, for all my life I have been lied to”. What he does not know, what he can’t know is that he is his father, has always been, will always be.

He will find the truth, the real truth, when his mother, his real mother was thrown out on the streets by his rich father, when his real father picked her up. When she became with child and was sought out again by the same vile human that threw her out in the first place. She didn’t even have the chance to say the truth that her child belongs to him. He will know but he cannot change anything now, he had spat unwanted venom on a dead man’s chest.

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Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:19 pm
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Holysocks wrote a review...



Hi, sorry it took me so long!

This piece felt really real to me. Just the feel of the beginning gave it that, I think...

He had lived with him all his life. He worked on his farm, danced in the humus interlaced soil and pruned the vegetables. He fed the birds and the cows, saddled the horse before any ride out and he never once felt wrong about it.


Beautifully said. There's just one thing about this paragraph that I didn't like:

and pruned the vegetables.


I live on a farm/ranch myself, and there's no vegetable pruning. Normally the pruning is done on the fruit trees... However, I could be wrong, and there is vegetable 'thinning', which is basically pulling out smaller carrots/turnips/parsnips so that there's room to grow bigger, healthier, veggies.

The very last paragraph I found quite confusing; I have no idea who his father is!
I just read it again and I think I might understand... The rich guy dumped her ( so to speak ), then the other guy took her in, then she had a kid and the rich guy came ( thinking that it was his ) and the other guy was hurt that it 'wasn't' his kid... and the lady had no choice but to go back to the rich guy?

I think you need to explain a bit more, I know you were kind of trying not to, cause of the way the piece is, but it's a little confusing. I'm not quite sure how, but maybe if you took out a few 'whens' and maybe added some names... or at least something more then just 'he' and 'him'.

So above all, I really enjoyed this! It made me think a lot about my life, and what it would be like if someone lied to me my whole life, or if I thought they had. I also think you really captured the emotional element, just the way you wrote it... I felt like I was right in there with the main character. I thought you did a great job. Keep it up! :-P

-Socks




beeyaay says...


thank you so much socks!!! the name thing, i don't know but i do understand it was confusing and i tried, i just had no idea how to make it less confusing. thanks for the enlightenment, yes, 'thinning' not 'pruning'. :D
over all, thanks for the review and the like, you're awesome!



Holysocks says...


Haha, you're welcome! :-P



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Thu Nov 28, 2013 11:54 pm
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TakeThatYouFiend wrote a review...



If the truth is mearly interlocking lies, are lies different versions of the truth? It seems to me to be incomplete, but I am not sure. Is this the first of many? Or is it just a one off? I love the principle, but it could be extended. A series? A chapter? I just want a little more explanation as to the purpose, you have caught my attention, it is now your duty.
Hope this helps
TTYF!




beeyaay says...


well, it's more of an article, and i don't think it could be more complete, it's describing the word truth, that's what i wanted to do. recently, I've been doing that, using life circumstances to describe a word but thank you!



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Thu Nov 28, 2013 5:12 pm
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MysteryMe wrote a review...



Hey there, beeyaay, MysteryMe here for a review!

First off, I think this is a really wonderful piece of work. The words you use are beautiful, especially the details, and the flow is very smooth. It's short, but I kind of like the shortness of it. Gives it more power.

The last line was my absolute favorite, "he had spat unwanted venom on a dead man's chest." Very meaningful and its great imagery.

My only problem with this is that its kind of confusing. I'm not entirely sure what you meant at some parts. Try and elaborate a little more :)

Hope this helped, keep writing!




beeyaay says...


thanks dear, sure!




Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
— George Burns