Do you smile when I turn around?
Do you miss me when I leave the room?
Are you thinking about me day and night,
And are your feelings for me true?
--
Do you think about the color of my eyes
And wonder if they're blue or grey?
Do you get tongue tied when I'm there
And feel braver when I'm away?
--
Do you write me little notes each day?
Do you memorize my favorite drink?
Are you excited each time I say hi,
And are you scared of what I think?
--
Do you like to tell me funny jokes
And grin when you hear my laugh?
Do you notice when I struggle in school
And try to help me with my math?
--
To the boy that I haven't met yet:
I know I expect a lot,
But all I've ever known are books
And cliches are all I've got.
--
But if you truly love me,
Just know I love you too.
And when the time comes for us to meet,
I hope it's me you pursue.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS MASTERPIECE!!!!!!
you have written a phenomenal poem that exceeds all the expectations of any romantic poet ....
You have restored my faith in true love and your poem is heart touching and soothing to read ....
The depth of emotions and feelings associated with this poem is truly brilliant.... Your romantic imaginations along with exemplary writing skills have produced a perfect poem that can be read thousands of times by anyone with a young heart and deep desire for finding their soul mates......
though i might want to point out that this is an ideal case and can rarely happen in real life...
keep smiling and keep writing!!!!!!
Oh wow, thank you!! <3
This was really nice to read! It feels sincere, sweet, and genuine. It kinda reminds me of the few times where I would fantasize about whoever my future man was.
Thank you so much!
To the girl I haven't met.
I noticed you immediately
I had to muster up the guts
To put my arm around your shoulder
You lit up at my touch
A dance, and your eyes are all I see
Your smile makes me think
That you might just be the best thing
That's ever happened to me
Don't shy away from connection
I don't want to lose this
Let the walls around your heart
Fall for me, let me in
I'll cry when I hear about your trauma
I'll hold your hand
Everything you have been through
I try to understand
You say I'm your first love
Then when did you learn to kiss
A picnic under the stars
Something I know I'll never forget
You haven't read since you met me
It's almost like
This life is better than fantasy
As long as you're mine
What a lovely response poem, thank you!
This was a cute poem that left me with a smile on my face, well done
Maybe it's just me not understanding, but i don't really get the lines "Do you get tongue-tied when I'm not there /and feel braver when i'm away?" If you're away, you're also not there, right?
Regardless, i think the rhyme scheme's rlly solid and the tone of the poem fits well with what it's about - I can picture this poem being read at the start of a feel-good romcom or something, maybe a teen show. It's really sweet and I'll make sure to check out any other writing you do, i loved this, thanks for sharing
Omg you%u2019re right lol it was a typo I didn%u2019t notice until just now. The original draft in my journal doesn%u2019t have that lmao. Thank you for pointing that out! And thank you so much for the sweet words. I appreciate your review! -Avery
Hello averyismediocre! Incoming review!
This isn't so much about this stanza but your poem as a whole, you use "do" for what the guy is doing. So this means the poem is in present tense. When reading I thought that this was you talking to someone you know and had previous assumptions about. But you were alluding to a phantom guy who is like this you would like to have a relationship with. Now if you'd want the reader to be more stable in their reading I would suggest using "will" for the "do"s so it will be in future tense.Ah yes, expectations for our dream person that are probably too high and no one will ever reach because books tainted our sense of "perfect." Well with that said I'm going to review your work stanza by stanza.
But besides that I like the rhythm you have going on here and the rhyming scheme. It gives me a sing-song vibe that is almost trance-like. You're stuck in your head about this imaginary guy that it's likely you're in a daze with these thoughts in your poem.
This could be a me thing but why would someone be braver if you're away? I guess it could be like more comfortable now that you're gone so he doesn't have to mask anything he does that isn't "normal." But I always love eye imagery. "And wonder if they're blue or grey?" is a great line! Some people's eyes are a grey-blue so let's hope your guy gets it right lol.
I think this is the cutest stanza. The notes, the drink, the excitement for when you say hi, it's too cute! I also think this stanza has the best flow although, I think the word "every" in the third line can be switched to "each" so we don't get too many syllables out of rhythm.
Nothing really to say about this stanza. It's kin of forgettable in the whole scheme of the poem. I think it doesn't contribute much to the overall poem that much, so much it could probably be cut all together. The doing stuff for you was already expressed with "Do you write me little notes each day?" And this stanza is just elaborating how he'd help you and it comes off a little redundant.
And this is where I felt like someone was calling me out XD. My own standards have been corrupted by books and if I show interest in anyone they should be grateful because my standards are so high. And who's to say that clichés are bad too? It's great to see someone who appreciates clichés and how great some of them can be. The only minor complain would be to change this line, "I know it seems I expect a lot," to something more like, "It seems I expect a lot," or, "I know I expect a lot," just for the syllable count to be better with the flow of the poem.
Okay last stanza. I mean if you find a guy who is just like a book guy, steal him. But if not, oh well fictional guys will always be there. The last line made me think, "You could just pursue him. It's the 21st century why not?" But then I had a thought, you're so wrapped up in these clichés, think damsel in distress, that you're whole being has been tainted with book tropes and you don't think you can pursue him because the guy is to pursue the girl. Just a little thought ;)
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! Keep on writing, friend. And this literary spotlight was well deserved! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeee<3
Hi! Thank you for the review! I used "do" in the context of what the boy would currently be doing if I had met him, which is why I ended up not using when. The braver when I'm away part is talking about how when you have a crush on someone, you hype yourself up in your brain about confessing or something along those lines, but as soon as your crush walks in the room, you become an anxious mess lol. Thank you about the third line! It's my favorite one. I'll make sure to change it to each! So the fourth line is half there to keep the stanzas even with how they're structured(1st and 3rd go Do, Do, Are, And and then 2nd and 4th go Do, And, Do, And) but also it's just more tropes in books I like. I'll make sure to take out "seems" on the second to last stanza. Also yeah lol it is just more cliches again. And also I'm a scaredy cat who couldn't pursue anyone to save her life lmao. Thank you so much again for the review! I'll be sure to add those changes!
I'm glad you took so much away from that review! <3
Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!
I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!
I am personally a fan of poetic pieces that focus on asking questions, which out necessarily receiving answers. The aspect of love and drama compliments this very well and makes it ever so enjoyable to read. Good job!
Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions
This was so lovely to read
Ellie-Mae
Thank you so much!