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Monster

by averyismediocre


You make me think I want you

You deny that I am strong

You make me think that wanting to leaveĀ 

Is absolutely wrong

----

You trap me and you trick me

You disguise and then deceive

You take away all of my insides

And leave the rest to me

----

You're disgusting and ungrateful

You're full of life yet full of death

You grab me by my legs and pull me

Into stormy depths


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Points: 46
Reviews: 1

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Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:13 pm
WeirdHeadphonesKid wrote a review...



As someone who is incredibly emotional and easily swayed, I felt this. Being manipulated and tricked by a closed loved one (friend, family, whoever) is a very difficult thing, with many conflicting and hard feelings going along with that. You really did a good job at illstrating how suffocating these relationships can be, how one simple thing can lead to another, and before you know it, you are spoon feeding this person exactly what they want to hear, even if you are truly doubting it in your head. Brillant work. I absolutely love it. Please keep writing.

999\10






Hi! First of all, thank you. Also, I find your comment and perception of my poem so interesting because I originally wrote this about my horrible mental state. I was afraid of trying to get better because my mind kept deceiving me and convincing me that I can't and shouldn't get better. I didn't realize until your comment that it can also be used to describe an abusive relationship and now that I have reread my poem, I think I subconsciously made this as a double meaning. I dealt with an abusive friendship in middle school and this describes it perfectly too. I'm glad that my poem can be used to relate to both experiences! Yet again, thank you for liking my poem and thank you for making me see it in a different way!



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114 Reviews


Points: 781
Reviews: 114

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Thu Mar 14, 2019 4:36 pm
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Bellarke wrote a review...



Hey, I think i reviewed something else for you yesterday, but I am back again to review this one, as well.


First off, I am gonna say that I love how you put your poem in the center of the page, it makes it look neater, and easier to read.

Stanza:
I love how you put it in stanzas, not only with the spaces, but also with the dashes in between them. This is a great thing to do.

Capitalization:
I see that you had ever word at the start of a new line. It is not necessarily a bad thing. But if it is the same sentence as the line above it, then i would not capitalize it.

And that brings me to

Punctuation:
I would maybe add alittle punctuation if you want to, but that is just up to you. It would make it a slight bit easier to understand, and keep ahold of.

Rhyme:

You make me think I want you

You deny that I am strong

You make me think that wanting to leave

Is absolutely wrong



I honestly do no know if you are actually trying to rhyme, so I am just going to ask you if you were or not?

OVERALL:
I want to say that I loved this, and it is a great use of words, and easy to understand, and relate to.

I hope this wasnt rude, mean or anything.

Keep writing,
~B E L L






Hi! Thank you again! So, with the rhyme, as I told somebody else, I chose the rhyme scheme of ABCB. It's my favorite rhyme scheme and I use it a lot. As for the capitals and punctuation, that's just how I was taught to write a rhyming poem. I do use punctuation and capital letters in a lot of my poem but this was not the case for this specific poem. Thank you for loving it though! <3



Bellarke says...


OHh okay. Sorry if that came out wrong.



Bellarke says...


Or rude.





Oh no, you weren't rude at all. I enjoy constructive criticism. I just wanted to explain what I did. <3



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125 Reviews


Points: 7365
Reviews: 125

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Thu Mar 14, 2019 3:18 pm
xJade wrote a review...



Hi, my name is Jade and I am really excited to be reviewing this today.
I'm going to be going through this stanza by stanza. I might be a bit harsh but I don't mean any of it in a mean way. I hope it helps!

You make me think I want you

You deny that I am strong

You make me think that wanting to leave

Is absolutely wrong

----
That was beautiful. The rhyming scheme doesn't work, though. You and leave???
I can feel the emotion in this. So other than the rhyme it was 100%. Moving on now.

You trap me and you trick me

You disguise and then deceive

You take away all of my insides

And leave the rest to me

----

The rhyming scheme had disappeared. It might be the way I say these words but you want a rhyme to rhyme. Like: you, too, few, goo.
What you're doing is having us say the words a certain way so they rhyme. That's like me trying to get you to say wood so it rhymes with tried.
But I liked the metaphor in stanza two. You describe pain amazingly.

You're disgusting and ungrateful

You're full of life yet full of death

You grab me by my legs and pull me

Into stormy depths

Perhaps maybe be a bit more subtle? But that's just my own personal preference. Also, the rhyming scheme made me cringe again. I liked this last part.

Overall, I give this a seven out of ten. It was good and the name caught my attention. I really hope this helped you!

Jade :)






Hi, I wasn't trying to do the rhyme scheme you thought I was doing. I made it to where only the second and last word rhyme. This was on purpose. Also, the rhyme on stanza two was a near-rhyme. This was also on purpose. Thank you, though.



xJade says...


Oh, that makes sense! Sorry 'bout that!





It's fine! I just wanted to make it clear that there was, in fact, a rhyme scheme. Thank you for the constructive criticism! (That sounded passive aggressive but it wasn't. I'm genuinely thanking you for it.)



xJade says...


Lol :)




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