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by averyismediocre

Life slowly dripping down her spine

She’s not who she used to be

Void of emotion and a kinder mind

No longer will she grieve-

Grieve the life of her former self

And the beautiful life she led

She’s put that volume back on the shelf

And is ready to go to bed

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26 Reviews

Points: 328
Reviews: 26

Sat Jul 24, 2021 5:55 am
TheRebel2007 wrote a review...

Have a good day, averyismediocre!

The review:

Wow, this is terrifyingly beautiful, I couldn't find better words for this. And you are not at all mediocre, avery. ;)

averyismediocre wrote: Life slowly dripping down her spine

She’s not who she used to be

Void of emotion and a kinder mind

No longer will she grieve-

When I first read the stanza, I thought you were using the word bedtime as a metaphor for death, but the second stanza proved me wrong. Maybe the first line was so terrifying that the rest of the stanza was perceived by my brain as being description of death - but that's also a great description of sleep, as that is what it is. No emotion, no grief, and peace of mind.

averyismediocre wrote: Grieve the life of her former self

And the beautiful life she led

She’s put that volume back on the shelf

And is ready to go to bed

Aye, this stanza counters the terrifying first stanza, by making it clear that it is indeed about sleep. But it's the last line that compels me to think that the poem was about sleep, not death. "Grieve the life of her former self/ And the beautiful life she led..." Perfect description of dreams.

All in all, this poem is indeed terrifyingly beautiful. I can't think of more words, I am just speechless. :p

averyismediocre says...

Omg thank you so much! <3

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Points: 55
Reviews: 1

Fri Jul 23, 2021 11:57 pm
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Keljosks wrote a review...

Like closing a chapter on a past self. Used to regret what’s not there anymore, but has to accept what and who she is now.

If I’m not mistaken, I’ve interpreted sleep as a way of shutting her eyes on her former self. Age doesn’t always have an outward appearance.

“She put that volume back on the shelf”. Like a memory that you’re finally turning away from.

The poem itself feels really bittersweet and it really is beautiful. The rhyme and rhythm really tie the entire thing together, and it paints a lovely, but sad and tired picture. Defeat, tiredness, and bittersweet endings. But also acceptance of the lack of her old self. And she’s moving forward.

It’s lovely to read.

averyismediocre says...

Thank you so much! Honestly, the sleep line I made a little open ended so it can be interpreted in any way you feel. I think that%u2019s a good interpretation and I%u2019m glad you liked my poem <3

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41 Reviews

Points: 61
Reviews: 41

Fri Jul 23, 2021 3:56 am
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RealSadhours296 wrote a review...

I thought for a moment that sleep here was a metaphor for death based on the first four lines, but I was mistaken. Then again, sleep is just a trial version of death, isn't it?

I really liked this poem! It rhymes pretty well and flows very beautifully. I loved how you subtly compared life to a book in the second to last line; a book you pick up and read while awake, and then put back on the shelf for some shut eye.

Keep up the good work!

averyismediocre says...

Thank you so much!

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Fri Jul 23, 2021 12:24 am
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sulamitandebirhan@gmail.com says...

Your writing style is very visual ,I like this part especially
"Life slowly dripping down her spine"

averyismediocre says...

Thank you! :)

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36 Reviews

Points: 171
Reviews: 36

Thu Jul 22, 2021 7:38 pm
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JohnKlue wrote a review...

I assumed this was going to be a fairy story but this is actual Philosophical stuff.

"Life slowly dripping down her spine" I looked up the symbolism of a Spine and it says that the spine is the first structure formed inside the womb. The spine supports us but we always move forward and rely on the front of our body. This might not mean something to this but I want to be thorough. Also the life dripping that sound like how youth may leave us.

"She's not who she used to be" Do you mean who she was before something took her grief away?

"Void of emotions and a kinder mind" This feels like a reference to Lobotomies. no emotion but kind mind. Wait is this like a lobotomy or something.

"No longer will she grieve-" This implies that something took her grief away.

"Grieve the life of her former self" This seems to continue the thought in the last line but this starts the sentence with "Grieve" capital G. also this just flat out states that her former self her life is now gone. What is left in its place?

"And the beautiful life she led" This might also simply be an old woman thinking back on her life. Who is this?

"She's put that volume back on the shelf
And is ready to go to bed" Is the book a photo album? Is she looking back on life? Hmm.

This story made me think.
Good job keep going.

averyismediocre says...

I think this is one of the most interesting perspectives I%u2019ve ever gotten on one my poems. Like a good interesting. I like the way you viewed this. You were definitely pretty close with a couple of the lines, but I will say this poem is more of a description of the author (me, hi) telling her story in third person for ~dramatic effect~ I thought it was funny that you were concerned that it was about a lobotomy at first lol. I promise it%u2019s not. It%u2019s more just describing how the brain is now (less emotion and kind of crappy) vs how it was before (full of life). Also the volume is a metaphor for the chapter of her life that was beautiful and lively. It would be a photo album of sorts, honestly. Pictures and snapshots of pretty sunsets, friends, and family. Definitely looking back on life though. Thank you for this analysis/review of my poem! I really love seeing how perspectives and experiences shape how we interpret literature so this was rad.

JohnKlue says...

No problem. It is always nice to see a different point of view attempt to understand a different point of view.
If this describes you then it is nice that you are channelling these random emotions and thoughts into something like this.
as appose to----------

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt