Shallow

You didn't like how you looked or how you felt inside, so you became shallow:

A stream almost completely dried up by the dark and gloomy sun in the forest of your mind.

You weren't ready for yourself and, now that you've realized it, it's too late to turn back.

So all you can do is wade in the dried up stream and pray a rainstorm will come by

And sweep you back into clearer, fuller water.


Perhaps you tied the poem back to the title a bit too soon by mentioning the title of the poem in the first sentence. But I like how you describe the person as being dried up.
However, the forecast is unpredictable, and you don't know when that will come.

So you wait some more:

Passing the time with meaningless rules and regulations to keep you afloat.

You pour your life into whatever you can, but worry you aren't in deep enough.

You check the forecast daily as if it were some sort of savior that will strip away all the crap you've had to deal with,

But it isn't.


I think this represents how even though people want to help this person, the person refuses help.


And it never will be.

Because only you can save yourself from the heat of the sun.

You just refuse to do it because you secretly like being shallow.

You like how it makes you seem.

And even though the stream is almost gone

And weeks have turned to months,

You still sit there with a sense of false hope that even you aren't aware of who it's for.

So you continue to wade in the dried up stream

And wait for what's to come.


The person is aware that they need help, but they don't want it. They lie to themselves every day by saying that they can fix themselves.

Overall: Good job!

This is a lovely poem.I liked it and I thought it had some cool details.”You still sit there with a sense of false hope that even you aren’t aware of who it’s for” and “you just refuse to do it because you secretly like being shallow” were my favorite lines,they were detailed and vibrant.I enjoyed reading it.I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

Hello, avergyismediocre! Incoming review!

This is a very nice piece I am excited to review, so let's get on with it.

I'll start out with any critiques I may have. The biggest thing I feel like your poem could benefit from is shortening your lines. Now, you don't have to edit down your lines at all, what I'm saying is that you could put more line breaks where you'd naturally pause in each of the longer lines. This is a personal choice, but it would make the whole poem feel more put together and easier to read.

You check the forecast daily as if it were some sort of savior that will strip away

All the crap you've had to deal with,

But it isn't.