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Pretty Packages

by averyismediocre


Wrapped in ribbon

Glittery like snow

Pretty packages

All lined in a row

----

They're perfectly wrapped

No holes in sight

With beautiful decor

That fits just right

----

I refuse to throw out

What's so neatly made

But the truth of the matter

Is that their looks are to sway

----

Because what's inside

Though I don't want to see

Are bottled up poisons

Each deadly to me

----

They're covered in wrapping

With sweet labels displayed

Each with a name

So cutely arrayed

----

One will say "love"

Another says "trust"

But when I look at fine print

My eyes won't adjust

----

For I refuse to admitĀ 

That the label's a lie

Out of fear that one day

I'll cry and ask why

----

Those pretty packages

Glittery like snow

Had to be vile

And I had to let go


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Fri Sep 06, 2019 3:33 pm
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fatherfig wrote a review...



Hey Gem here climbing out of her Jewelrybox for a short review.

I told you I would get to writing you a review and here I am.


First off all the good things and feels, then an attempt at critique always constructive of course.

So, I really get this poem, it is a solid piece that says exactly what it means, and that meaning is huge. I loved the symbolism in this poem. The world is molding nothing but pretty little packages now days they look perfect but once you get the wrapper off they are horrors. Absolute horrors. Theses people who look so splendid and genuine are awful! It is so common and they lure you in and then you realize how toxic they really are, and just feels.

Anyway sorry for that, but I feel like your poem just portrays those people in all of our lives we just don't talk about. But you talked about it, and through poetry. You were well versed it wasn't fake we felt when we read it what you felt when you wrote it. It felt real and vivid, and no rhyme intended I was just livid afterwards. Not at you or your poetry, I love it. But at the world for molding so many of those little buggers, but it is like Christmas, sort through all those socks and sweaters for the thing you really need. We all have to let go of those people at one point and it hurts and you can't stop yourself from wanting to cling to them. But in the end you know it isn't worth it.

Okay, I know I said there would be critique, but I looked this thing from top to bottom all I saw was what you said in the first place, the punctuation. And you said "Don't mind the punctuation...etc" And as a person who respects poetry, a quick reminder I will scream to the world:



POETRY DOES NOT FOLLOW MOST GRAMMAR RULES, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF SPELLING AND CERTAIN FEW GRAMMATICAL PHENOMENA! PUNCTUATION IS RECOMMENDED BUT NOT ALWAYS ESSENTIAL.


Anyway, I loved your piece, thank you for sharing it with me, keep writing , AND have a nice day. <3


And with that Gem climbed back into her Jewelrybox until next time.




fatherfig says...


That is longer than I thought it would be. XD



averyismediocre says...


Okay, I swear I responded to this, but it doesn't show that I did. Thank you so much for the review! Also, yeah I usually don't use punctuation with these kinds of poems. I save that typically for free verse. However, people have been on my case about it before, so I wanted to add that warning to keep away those comments. Thank you so much for pointing that out though. So many people tend to forget that! Anyways, if you have two responses from me, I apologize in advance. <3



fatherfig says...


:)



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105 Reviews

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Tue Sep 03, 2019 2:59 pm
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fatherfig says...



This is one of the best poems I have read in a long time. I'll try to be back for a review.




averyismediocre says...


Thank you so much!



fatherfig says...


You are very welcome.



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Mon Sep 02, 2019 5:51 am
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DariaTheGirlWhoLovesPizza wrote a review...



Hello, I'm here to review this! Well, first off, I loved the symbolism in this poem. It can definitely mean different things depending on whose reading it. And I love when poems are like that.

Your flow was pretty good, and I like the rhyme scheme you chose. And, lets be honest, the words and imagery you chose were actually awesome.

But I do have some critique. Of course, you don't have to listen and none of this is meant to be rude:

- I don't feel like there were a lot of feelings that I myself, as a reader, could feel. Yeah, this poem had a really good message to expel toxic people from your life. But it was more description based rather than focused on emotions.

I don't have anymore critique, and I really like this poem. And, believe me, I'm not a poetry expert, but I'm pretty sure you're like really good. So keep writing, cuz your writing is fricken amazing!

Good luck

-Daria




averyismediocre says...


Oh my gosh thank you! Also, yeah I agree there's not much feeling in this. Normally I write this stuff in the middle of the pain and emotions, but at this point, it was over and was numb. It's honestly more of just a bitter overview of how I handle toxicity. I think I was just done with feeling.



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Sat Aug 31, 2019 2:06 am
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brookeallo wrote a review...



Wow. This is amazing. It has a good flow and some good rhyming to it. I honestly loved it so much especially the meanings. Its showing how things like love and trust can seem sparkly and nice on the outside but aren't really good and can be evil and vile on the inside. Definently an amazing poem and I like the way that you used the metaphor of a gift box to bigger things like love and trust. The four lined stanza each row gave the poem a good look to it. I liked it a lot and I think that you are really good at poetry like this where metaphors are used for deeper meanings. I hope to be able to review more work from you soon thanks.




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Fri Aug 30, 2019 1:35 am
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shieldmaiden wrote a review...



Wow ... just wow! This is an amazing piece of work. So beautiful and lyrical. I love the nostalgia of it all. And how this stands as a metaphor about how appearances are deceitful. Yet, you managed to bring this to another level about one's insecurity to admit that there is 'poison' lying beneath the surface. Turning a blind eye because we are afraid to face the pain and betrayal that awaits us. So surreal and touching! I look forward to reading more of your work. Please keep writing!

-Shieldmaiden




averyismediocre says...


Thank you so much! <3



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Thu Aug 29, 2019 2:58 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hey there! Hope you're doing well tonight! I am here to review your work!
I really like your rhyming scheme, and I also really like the flow of this piece. I tried to figure out what the message of this is, and what I came up with was kind of a reverse "Don't judge a book by it's cover" but instead of just because something doesn't look so good, it might be great, but just because it's pretty, doesn't mean it's good. Ya know? At least, that's what I gathered from it.
One last thing, I noticed a sentence that doesn't read quite right, you may want to play with the wording a bit.
"That I don't want to go." (It makes sense, and this might just be me, but I had to read through it a few times)

Other than that, I really enjoyed this poem. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done!




averyismediocre says...


Okay I%u2019m scared my phone will cut some of this out but I changed the line and I want your review on if it%u2019s better or worse



averyismediocre says...


Also you%u2019re right, it%u2019s the opposite don%u2019t judge a book. I based it off of my experience with toxic friendships and such and how on the outside and to others, they look so pleasant and wonderful but poison has been in their system the whole time.



Horisun says...


:D I like it! Just so you know, if you liked it the other way, that's fine, I just thought I'd say something.



averyismediocre says...


oh no, it bothered me this whole time, I just couldn't figure out a better solution!




You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time