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Strange

by averyismediocre


Standing in front of me is a stranger.

He's tall and proud, 

But forgetful of his past

And the mistakes he made.

----

Standing in front of me was my enemy.

He fought long and hard

With an irrational mind

And hate for a heart.

----

Standing in front of me was my friend.

He was towering in stature

Yet faint in the heart,

With smiles that could last a lifetime.

----

Standing in front of me was my lover.

He was overflowing with hope and love.

His heart was full 

And his face was bright.

----

Standing in front of me

Was the one I wouldn't mind seeing again.

Now I see nothing but a stranger,

So I choose to turn away.


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140 Reviews

Points: 249
Reviews: 140

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Fri May 10, 2019 8:32 pm
Anma wrote a review...



Hello!!
Anma here for a short review.

Sooo, I really love this poem. Its actually fairly well. Your imagery is great and it really creates a story in my head. I'm not sure exactly what your getting at here, but i have a few ideas. Your lines and spacing is good. I feel like there is a lot of emotion coming from here, and I'm not sure if its just me relating to it, or if you put it in the words.

Here are some suggestions i found!!

Standing in front of me is a stranger.
He's tall and proud,
But forgetful of his mistakes,
He thinks that I made. { might help with the flow, this is a sorta crappie suggestion sorry!}
----
Standing in front of me was an enemy.
He fought long and hard
With an irrational mind
And (hate for a heart). {Sounds better, and it makes it seem cool, lol}
----
Standing in front of me was a friend.
He was towering in stature.
Yet faint in (the) heart, {makes more sense if you add the}
smiling in the sun.
----
Standing in front of me was (my) lover. {it indicates what the last line was trying to say.}
He was overflowing with hope and love.
His heart was full and beating.
( ) {i feel like that line is not needed, it flows much better without.}
----
Standing in front of me
Was the one I wouldn't mind seeing again.
Now (though), I choose to turn away. {Flows better}

Either than that its really good!!

I hope to read more like this!!

Have a nice day!

Sincerely
Anma




averyismediocre says...


Oh my gosh, thank you so much for all of these suggestions! This poem was in first draft mode and I'm so glad I put this on here. Your constructive criticism was great and so well needed. I'm going to try to implement a lot of this now, thank you! <3



Anma says...


No problem!! I'm glad!



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42 Reviews

Points: 106
Reviews: 42

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Fri May 10, 2019 8:04 pm
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Corvus wrote a review...



This is an amazing poem, it gives a very beautiful feeling, like looking back at the past but knowing it is time to move on.

I noticed you added commas to some of the lines but not all of them. I personally find it easier to write the sentences out fully when adding proper punctuation, for example

"Standing in front of me was an enemy. He fought long and hard With an irrational mind And heart full of hate."

VS

"Standing in front of me was an enemy. He fought long and hard, With an irrational mind And heart full of hate."

personally, I think the second sentence flows better. this poem is good, keep writing.




averyismediocre says...


Wow, that's such a great tip! I don't know why I didn't think to do that sooner. Thank you so much!



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42 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 42

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Fri May 10, 2019 6:56 pm
seekingthetruth wrote a review...



so rly did not get the whole idea of the poem it started off with great range of techniques but the next stanza did not really link to the first. a good way to make the stanzas all link is to use the theme of strangers and not about enemys that's what you did which misconcepted the whole idea of the poem. otherwise everything was good except as you prementioned the punctuation but in a way that's a good thing because then the whole poem is using enjambement which creates a nice tone and effect for us as the reader.


Well done 9/10


seekingthetruth




averyismediocre says...


Hi! So, with the enemies thing: the way I did it was for the purpose of showing how my lover turned to a friend then to an enemy then to a stranger over the years. That's why I started saying was instead of is. My theme was less strangers and more of showing what the stranger used to be. Thank you for the review! <3




Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda