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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Hi anirban!
So, you asked me to give you a critique. So, here I am!
My favorite lines of the poem were actually the first two lines. I love the imagery of silver kissing the face in an apparent gesture of love. Silver has so many meaning and symbolism that this could be read in a bunch of interesting ways! And, I love for poems to have complex imagery like that.
Now, the rest of the poem! Honestly, through much of the poem, it kind of looks like you're just throwing words out in a somewhat random fashion. Yes! These words totally have to do with relationships! But... you want to bring something original to your poem as well.
Now, almost every single relationship has some sort of "inside joke" or whatever. You might find it helpful to bring out these inside jokes... not in a totally obscure fashion, but in a tasteful fashion that makes it clear that you are hinting at something which is now gone. This might make this really good!
Another thing... these lines!
I wasn't sure what you were really... trying to say here? Are you trying to say that this person didn't sacrifice their life for you? Are you trying to say that this person thought that his/her life was more worthwhile living than being trapped with you (in a relationship that was not a life-giving relationship)? What are you trying to say here? Clarify!
Anyway! Hopefully this helps? Good luck!
Wow. This is interesting, it reminds me of someone trying to forget their old love/lover. I love it, its beautiful, and well written. Its well made, and flows. I would love it if you made more like this, its beautiful. And I love the thoughts,like, everything happens for a reason. Its truly wonderful and beautiful. I enjoyed reading it.
Thank you for taking time out to read my work. I'm so glad that you liked it. Comments like these does wonders to the morale of us poets. Thanks again.
Beautiful work, you truly are a poet. Keep up the good, awesome work!
Thank you. I'm glad you liked my work.
This is beautiful.
Thank you for that. It was indeed inspiring!