This is overall a really cool visual, and I like the idea at all. Reminds me of one of those posters hanging on the wall of an English classroom, or something.However, there's something slightly off about the placement of the words. I think the left side (starting with we rarely look for home, and ending with everything we aren't) works well, but the right side is a bit off. The phrase "maybe poetry fills a similar wound in our soul" is just so sandwiched between everything else it doesn't stick out like such a phrase would otherwise. Though maybe that's the point, because this is after all a poem about searching for a home that exists within poetry. But the centerpiece of the poem, just from the way everything is placed on the page, ends up being just the phrase "maybe poetry between fiction and everything" which I'm not quite sure is what you were going for. I really like the clever use of bolding certain key words and even some of the overlap to create an image that is kind of distorted. It makes it difficult to look at in one glance and decide what its meaning is, and as a result forces the reader to actually read more carefully. I kind of feel like this kind of image presents itself at first glance as a mystery, but the more you look at it, the more it makes sense. Now, onto the overarching message of the poem...so, poetry fills a place in our hearts that nostalgia does otherwise? I feel like there's some things about this that I'm not really getting from the poem. Like, why does this matter? What's the outcome as a result of knowing this? What do I gain? That's not an insult, more as it is a question -- the poem sets up this big revelation and connection between nostalgia and poetry, but what does it lead up to? I feel like the revelation ends up being maybe a bit overly abstract, and could use definition. But overall it's a clever, creative image with some intelligent wordplay. Good work.
Hi Alliyah! Traves here for a review.I shall attempt to review this one, but I'm afraid it'll go like my previous review on a poem of yours where I'll just talk about my understanding and take on it.The formatting is definitely out there, and I couldn't read this properly the first time around. Only when I relaxed, and let my eyes wander back and forth over the lines for a few minutes in a stream-of-consciousness-esque manner, did I get some sort of meaning and completeness out of it. I don't know if that's how you meant it to be read.The effect the formatting gave is pretty cool, it forces one to slow down, and gives a kind of woozy cinematic feel, like words are echoing, and the lines are bouncing off each other, perhaps because of how it's narrated. Like when you read something in a book and it's well written and you try to place it in the hierarchy of other well written things you've read or, when you're not sure if what you just read important info or not so you stop and go through previous plot points, the mind takes a step back and works things through in a half concentrated, half laidback manner. I don't think that that makes a whole lot of sense, but that's my initial impression.Lemme see if I can transcribe it right, in an attempt to look at the words themselves away from the ambitious formatting (apologies if I mess it up) —-----we rarely look for homewhen we're already thereand no one who is in love ever wonders if they'll ever find itnostalgia seems to bethat strange placebetween everything we areand everything we aren'tand maybe poetryfills a similar woundin our soul between fictionand everythingwe've ever known.------ I'd say the length of the poem is more or less right for the format. Much longer and it'd be a bit harder to consume, any shorter and it might feel gimmicky. That being said, I'd've liked if it had been a bit longer.- The lines individually feel crafted well, and a lot is said with simplicity. That is the main strength of the piece imo, since that has always been particularly hard to do for me if not for others. - The narrator obviously feels strongly about poetry and anyone who's tried writing poetry wouldn't be able to wholeheartedly deny the point of the poem. Perhaps a little more on their reasons for thinking in this way would be cool, why particularly poetry bridges that gap or fills that 'wound'. ( although this does feel like a pared down final draft.)- I feel that the slightly off-putting part for the average reader might be the formatting combined with the whole " hey that doesn't make sense... wait it kinda does" way in which it is written, though they'd probably not like anything written in a similar jumping-from-thought-to-thought style.- the only imagery I could find was that of a wounded soul, which although cohesive with the lines before and after, felt a little incomplete.- I do not have a lot of observations because this is a simple yet effective read in its current form, and definitely more whimsical and ruminating than expressive or detailed.As always, I look forward to reading your writing.Keep expressing and writing!
Hi @alliyah I am here to do a review on your poem.What I likeones I read this I must say I thought that it was really good, I love every line of it, I love that you were talking about poetry as well here, I feel like this is your strong point with writing poems, your really good at this type of thing, and this poem is the stuff that I really like, your description is grate. What Needs Workokay so I really feel like I am struggling to read this, it is hurting my eyes a lot, for I feel like I am working to hard to just read some lines and things that are blending in to each other, maybe just right normally, I really like reading your work but I feel like this time I really struggled to. Okay another thing I feel like the lines our said to many times, because of how your put it I think. also I feel like i strained my eyes for they did start watering at the end of it for I strand myself so that I could read what you had writing, I must say I liked it more when you were writing normally. So That is all that I can say, if I came across as being really harsh and mean and unfair I am so sorry pleas for give me, also if you do not find this help full I do not mind but I hope it was help full to you, so keep writing the good poems.@EagleFly Out To Seek And Kill
110,011 Literary Works • 586,532 Reviews