Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Literature

E - Everyone

maybe poetry could be

by alliyah



Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
325 Reviews


Points: 689
Reviews: 325

Donate
Mon Feb 11, 2019 1:36 am
View Likes
SunsetTree wrote a review...



This is overall a really cool visual, and I like the idea at all. Reminds me of one of those posters hanging on the wall of an English classroom, or something.

However, there's something slightly off about the placement of the words. I think the left side (starting with we rarely look for home, and ending with everything we aren't) works well, but the right side is a bit off. The phrase "maybe poetry fills a similar wound in our soul" is just so sandwiched between everything else it doesn't stick out like such a phrase would otherwise. Though maybe that's the point, because this is after all a poem about searching for a home that exists within poetry. But the centerpiece of the poem, just from the way everything is placed on the page, ends up being just the phrase "maybe poetry between fiction and everything" which I'm not quite sure is what you were going for.

I really like the clever use of bolding certain key words and even some of the overlap to create an image that is kind of distorted. It makes it difficult to look at in one glance and decide what its meaning is, and as a result forces the reader to actually read more carefully. I kind of feel like this kind of image presents itself at first glance as a mystery, but the more you look at it, the more it makes sense.

Now, onto the overarching message of the poem...so, poetry fills a place in our hearts that nostalgia does otherwise? I feel like there's some things about this that I'm not really getting from the poem. Like, why does this matter? What's the outcome as a result of knowing this? What do I gain? That's not an insult, more as it is a question -- the poem sets up this big revelation and connection between nostalgia and poetry, but what does it lead up to? I feel like the revelation ends up being maybe a bit overly abstract, and could use definition.

But overall it's a clever, creative image with some intelligent wordplay. Good work.




alliyah says...


Thank you, for analyzing the visual aspects of the poem - that's what I was really hoping for. And you are spot-on - the phrase that's supposed to look "off" or out of place is "maybe poetry" because it sits just above the gash in the rest of the poem, above where it looks like it would fit - > which is a concrete representation of what the poem means. The poem's meaning is that poetry isn't really truth or un-truth (like the feelings of nostalgia and memories - but unlike the feelings of love and home (which are binary feelings)) - and that this is precisely why we love poetry - because it sort of takes the place of that void between our emotions and experience (just like visually "maybe poetry" looks like it could filll the void in the physical poem).

You are also right about the blurred repetition portraying a sort of distorted message - and this again was about trying to blur poetic conventions/message -and maybe allude to how hazy poetry, memories, and nostalgia can become.

Now the revelation at the end is that the poem ends up with the line "everything we've ever known" which instead of being tilted is parallel to the bottom of the page as that's how we've grown to be used to reading poetry -> and so this shifts the poem from a praise of poetry to a critique of traditional poetry because traditional poetry is starting to act in binaries (by having rules like capital letters, rhyme schemes, line breaks, parallel lines) rather than living in the liminal space between truth/untruth. The poem is a little bit purposely abstract because if it was too concrete it would be doing exactly what it implicitly criticizes - that is traditional poetry.

I think your criticism that the poem might not be communicating a "big enough theme" as directly as I intended - is correct, so I will definitely go back and take a look at that aspect. I think experimental poetry is definitely hit or miss as far as appeal, where-as straight-forward traditional emotion imagery poems are going to have more reliable universal-appeal.

Thanks again for tackling the visual aspects of the poem - I'd love to hear your thoughts on a few more of my more experimental pieces (like this one if you ever have a chance). Have a great day!



Traves says...


It did help in understanding the meaning a bit, but not by adding meaning of its own I would say. It was like an embellishment on the original work, where it added a lot to the overall impact, but did not necessarily let me have a deeper understanding which I wouldn't have obtained from regular formatting. That's just my opinion though, I'm sure others perceived it differently. (Not gimmicky though definitely, rather a nice change from regular)



Traves says...


It did help in understanding the meaning a bit, but not by adding meaning of its own I would say. It was like an embellishment on the original work, where it added a lot to the overall impact, but did not necessarily let me have a deeper understanding which I wouldn't have obtained from regular formatting. That's just my opinion though, I'm sure others perceived it differently. (Not gimmicky though definitely, rather a nice change from regular)



Traves says...


Whoops!
Apologies. My phone is glitching and I meant this as a reply to my review.



User avatar
38 Reviews


Points: 1625
Reviews: 38

Donate
Sun Feb 10, 2019 8:33 pm
View Likes
Traves wrote a review...



Hi Alliyah! Traves here for a review.

I shall attempt to review this one, but I'm afraid it'll go like my previous review on a poem of yours where I'll just talk about my understanding and take on it.

The formatting is definitely out there, and I couldn't read this properly the first time around. Only when I relaxed, and let my eyes wander back and forth over the lines for a few minutes in a stream-of-consciousness-esque manner, did I get some sort of meaning and completeness out of it. I don't know if that's how you meant it to be read.

The effect the formatting gave is pretty cool, it forces one to slow down, and gives a kind of woozy cinematic feel, like words are echoing, and the lines are bouncing off each other, perhaps because of how it's narrated. Like when you read something in a book and it's well written and you try to place it in the hierarchy of other well written things you've read or, when you're not sure if what you just read important info or not so you stop and go through previous plot points, the mind takes a step back and works things through in a half concentrated, half laidback manner. I don't think that that makes a whole lot of sense, but that's my initial impression.

Lemme see if I can transcribe it right, in an attempt to look at the words themselves away from the ambitious formatting (apologies if I mess it up) —
-----
we rarely look for home
when we're already there
and no one who is in love
ever wonders if they'll ever find it
nostalgia seems to be
that strange place
between everything we are
and everything we aren't
and maybe poetry
fills a similar wound
in our soul
between fiction
and everything
we've ever known.
-----

- I'd say the length of the poem is more or less right for the format. Much longer and it'd be a bit harder to consume, any shorter and it might feel gimmicky. That being said, I'd've liked if it had been a bit longer.

- The lines individually feel crafted well, and a lot is said with simplicity. That is the main strength of the piece imo, since that has always been particularly hard to do for me if not for others.

- The narrator obviously feels strongly about poetry and anyone who's tried writing poetry wouldn't be able to wholeheartedly deny the point of the poem. Perhaps a little more on their reasons for thinking in this way would be cool, why particularly poetry bridges that gap or fills that 'wound'. ( although this does feel like a pared down final draft.)

- I feel that the slightly off-putting part for the average reader might be the formatting combined with the whole " hey that doesn't make sense... wait it kinda does" way in which it is written, though they'd probably not like anything written in a similar jumping-from-thought-to-thought style.

- the only imagery I could find was that of a wounded soul, which although cohesive with the lines before and after, felt a little incomplete.

- I do not have a lot of observations because this is a simple yet effective read in its current form, and definitely more whimsical and ruminating than expressive or detailed.

As always, I look forward to reading your writing.

Keep expressing and writing!




alliyah says...


Thanks Traves - I think for this one I relied on the formatting to be the imagery of the message of the poem - but I agree that not having concrete imagery definitely will limit its poetic appeal to a lot of readers. I enjoyed reading your process of reading it as it went from sort of blurry/nonsensical to having more meaning - I did have one questions - did you think that helped you understand any of the meaning of the piece, or did it feel more like a reading-gimick (for lack of a better word).

Thanks again for your insights here! :)



Traves says...


It did help in understanding the meaning a bit, but not by adding meaning of its own I would say. It was like an embellishment on the original work, where it added a lot to the overall impact, but did not necessarily let me have a deeper understanding which I wouldn't have obtained from regular formatting. That's just my opinion though, I'm sure others perceived it differently. (Not gimmicky though definitely, rather a nice change from regular)



Traves says...


It did help in understanding the meaning a bit, but not by adding meaning of its own I would say. It was like an embellishment on the original work, where it added a lot to the overall impact, but did not necessarily let me have a deeper understanding which I wouldn't have obtained from regular formatting. That's just my opinion though, I'm sure others perceived it differently. (Not gimmicky though definitely, rather a nice change from regular)



alliyah says...


Ha! So many replies!!

And thank you - I get what you're saying. :)



User avatar
208 Reviews


Points: 14515
Reviews: 208

Donate
Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:02 pm
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @alliyah I am here to do a review on your poem.

What I like
ones I read this I must say I thought that it was really good, I love every line of it, I love that you were talking about poetry as well here, I feel like this is your strong point with writing poems, your really good at this type of thing, and this poem is the stuff that I really like, your description is grate.

What Needs Work

okay so I really feel like I am struggling to read this, it is hurting my eyes a lot, for I feel like I am working to hard to just read some lines and things that are blending in to each other, maybe just right normally, I really like reading your work but I feel like this time I really struggled to.
Okay another thing I feel like the lines our said to many times, because of how your put it I think. also I feel like i strained my eyes for they did start watering at the end of it for I strand myself so that I could read what you had writing, I must say I liked it more when you were writing normally.

So That is all that I can say, if I came across as being really harsh and mean and unfair I am so sorry pleas for give me, also if you do not find this help full I do not mind but I hope it was help full to you, so keep writing the good poems.

@EagleFly Out To Seek And Kill




alliyah says...


Ah! The blending into each other is tied to the meaning of the poem in this case. A fun thing in poetry - is to have the format of the poem express meaning. For instance, some people write love poems in the shape of a heart, or user lower case "i" to show a scared or not confident speaker. In this case I decided to tilt my poem to show how poetry can be unexpected and fill the gap between our expectations/knowledge and our emotions. The repeating words were also done to point to how memory, poetry, and nostalgia blurs truth. It was really interesting hearing your experience with the piece, and although I wish that the poem did not hurt your eyes, I am kind of glad that the formatting created a reaction - as this is part of the goal of poetry - to bring about a response.

Thank you for your review Eagle! :)



Dossereana says...


Thanks that makes sens.




Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.
— Maya Angelou