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16+ Violence

Poetry is Still Not Easy

by alliyah


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.


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Points: 3566
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Sun Oct 29, 2017 1:21 pm
Mathy wrote a review...



This is ZeldaIsShiek here once more, trying to decipher more cryptic but short poems in order to save the Witches from failing at Review Day and keep the Werewolves from winning! I'm also here to review your work and give you a little insight on how well you are currently writing and how good I really think your work is. Let us get started on the reviewing!

The first thing I noticed was the title and the description, making me want to read the poem, since I like both poetry about poetry itself and poems written by amazing authors such as yourself. That's basically why I am reviewing this right now, and that's why the meaning is so clear to me. It's about someone who is trying to write something meaningful from their own heart, something much harder than writing any old mundane poetry. The poet is comparing writing the poem itself to hard work when it comes from within, while those who draw inspiration from outside sources and much less likely to experience the choking feeling that comes with writing the perfect poem and wondering how to put it in a way that aligns more with your heart and its intentions. This is something I really enjoy, and I think it could become a very big and very meaningful poem. That is why I feel that this poem is so good: its story and its meaning is very vivid. The last stanza really stuck out to me as something very metaphorical and struck me with the interesting thought that this is what you went through writing this poem! Keep writing, and have a happy Review Day!

-ZeldaIsShiek




alliyah says...


Thanks Zelda, I'm glad you related to the meaning of the poem. Did you have any ideas or opinions on areas that might need improvements?



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Fri Oct 06, 2017 5:39 pm
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PenmanshipPriority wrote a review...



I'd first like to point out the stupidity of some ratings on YWS, you're probably familiar with this but I think it's unhelpful to put an exaggerated rating on a piece of work that doesn't come close to that certificate...

Hi alliyah,

I would say most of the reviewers who have already reviewed this piece of poetry have already said what i'm thinking and I would probably bore you by saying the same thing.

The poem is very relatable and I like the use of dark metaphors to compare the difficulty of writing.

I'd like to think when talking about guns and bullets that it's effective to end off with these mentions because it's all of a sudden. A gunshot is final and this can also link in with the structure of the poem being very sad and hard-hitting and ending with 'one final blow'.

As for the final stanza, I think it needs some work - It seems very contrasting to the rest of the poem and the wordplay is very different in the final one ; you talk about bullets again and this is more proof that the previous stanza could work as an ending and be just as good.I also liked the way the final lines on every stanza,apart from the last one, was just as long as the previous verses and doesn't just stop because of previous rhyming or to add effect. "Whether or not to wince"

I wanted to keep this review pretty quick because my thoughts have already expressed. Other than cutting out some wording that's there because it acts as a filler, I think you have a really impressive Poem here and you should be proud of yourself. I haven't read many poems that include personal themes about the skill/hobby itself and find this to be easy intention for the poet.

If you have any questions about my review, please don't hesitate to respond!

GMills
PenmanshipPriorities




alliyah says...


Thanks for your feedback! :)



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Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:50 pm
sheysse says...



Was this a jab at my last poem? XD




alliyah says...


I would prefer to say inspired. :)



sheysse says...


Fair enough. :)



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Mon Oct 02, 2017 9:44 am
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kostia wrote a review...



Hello there, I am Kostia and I will give you a review for this poem.

First of all I will start by saying I liked your poem it's cohesive simple and truthful. I like what points you made here and I agree with the notion of this poem, poetry is not easy, art and literature are definitely not easy and poetry to me combines both very delicately.

I liked the first stanza and the powerful use of both imagery and metaphor in it. I liked the part about ink and blood mingle on the paper. It represents how true and painful it can be to write, how personal a piece of writing is and how exhausting it can be to fight over every word. A Hemingway said "There is not much into writing you just sit over the typewriter and bleed"
I really like the way you started your poem.

The second stanza fits perfectly as a follow up to the first I especially liked "not to confuse pain for brokenness" to someone else it may sound odd but I really liked the contradiction.

The third stanza has a very emotional touched and I liked the part where you say "maybe for those who ve never held poetry caught in their throat" however I would like it more if it was the in the same verse. Moreover I d like you to expand more on this stanza since the feeling it expresses is deep and the stanza as a whole seems a bit empty to me. Try to work on the third verse and leave everything else in this stanza the way it is. Moreover I would like to see a repetition of "maybe for them poetry is easy" throughout the poem to add a more dramatic tone to it and make your poem look more concise.Repetition really helps in the structure of a poem when there is no rhyming in it.

The fourth stanza it's pretty good I appreciated the use of imagery and simile. The simple vocabulary works very well for comparison. The only thing to note here is that if I was you I would maybe change the wording of the firs verse.

The fifth stanza should be the last one I think you should cut the final stanza. I think that you have very few alterations to make this better. I would suggest you to simply change the first verse to something like "For me poetry is something more than struggle (or hard)" and then I thought it would add a beautiful tone to the poem if you added one last verse to it and finish with a question. Something like:

"when you breathe in and you (trying to also fits nicely here) decide
wether or not to wince
Have you felt it? (or have you ever really felt it?)"

I think that these small changes would improve your poem. However you don't have to follow my suggestions and your poem is good enough the way it is.

I hope I was helpful!

Let me know if you have any questions and if you decide to edit this I d love to see the new version!

Keep writing!




alliyah says...


Thanks for your thorough review @kostia, you make some good points. I appreciate it!



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Mon Oct 02, 2017 9:28 am
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



Hi there Alliyah. This is Kays here dropping in for a review on this early Monday morning since I see you have a new poem I haven't reviewed and I also see that said poem is in the Green Room, so why not? With that being said, let's begin.

The subject matter of this is quite relatable to anybody who identifies as a poet or any person who's attempted writing poetry before since the audience for this is quite broad. As for my opinion on how the subject matter is handled throughout the poem--we'll delve into that. I have to say that I'm a little worn out on the poems about poetry or meta poems that write about poetry or Writer's Block or another common topic because most of those pieces don't tend to go anywhere or say anything that isn't already said.

That doesn't mean that I can't enjoy poetry like this of course! I remember two other poems that are rather popular onsite--one by Morrigan about not envying poets and the other is called 'My Body Is Not Poetry' I believe and this edges up into third place at the moment at least in the poems of my memory that I liked the execution of when talking about the topic of poetry. As for strongest stanzas, the first and second stand out in my mind and in this case, especially the first because that's particularly emotionally impactful.

As for my thoughts on the theme and message being cohesive--this part of the piece could've been stronger, I must say. Try and take out the parts that don't hit as hard or parts that are weighing this down for the other, strongest parts to shine. I'm not all that fond of the last stanza so yes, I'm going to say to take that out because the fifth stanza makes for a powerful ending when talking about where the bullet hits and whether or not to wince--that's what I mean by the strongest parts.

The wording and flow can be done better for a better execution and for an overall stronger structure here but the key concepts and stanzas (the first, second, fourth and fifth in my opinion) are strong and powerful in imagery. Nice job on what's done well but trim the extra and unneeded parts off of this one and cap this off at five stanzas (even though at this point I'm not too fond of the third but the point it's trying to make ultimately seems worth of being in the poem if that part is written) instead of six.

With editing and revision, this one's definitely a keeper, Alli. This one seems publishable with polish so if you're interested in that, this one is one of your poems to go to and present because I quite liked this and I think this holds a lot of potential when the flaws are looked past and edits are done.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Image

Image




alliyah says...


Thanks for your kind words Kays, I will keep your points in mind when I do some edits. I may try to rub some polish on that third stanza to make the flow/imagery a bit stronger. And I'll be taking your advice on chopping the last one as well. Thanks again!




I am proud of my self, the reason why some of you might disagree with me a little with, but nevertheless I still proud.
— Oxara