Young Writers Society

First off I love this poem. I read it and thought, "wow, what aa quality poem". The rhyming was great and the italics made it even better. I loved it. I love your writing style and formatting. There was one place where you switched rhyming styles, but that's OK. Just try to avoid that. The grammar, spelling, and punctuation was great, the punctuation could be better, but you did well. Keep on writing and Merry (early) Christmas!

Hi there @alliyah I am here to review first things first.
what I like
It's hard, though anticipated, to come to another goodbye. I think that this is so true I like this sentins.

what needs a bit of work
The sun has come to show his face. there is one thing that needs to be fiksed here.
The night has come, a cold embrace. okay I am going to ad a bit more to this.
I miss the lightness of the day. I am going to fiks this up a bit
With dusty eyes, hair still not curled, I do not really under stand this sentins but I will try to help you a bit with it.
suggestions
1 for: The sun has come to show his face. The sun has come to show its face to all of the people on this world.
2 for: The night has come, a cold embrace. The night has come, a cold embrace fills the era to my skin and bones.
3 for: I miss the lightness of the day. I miss the sunshine's light and heat of the day.
4 for: With dusty eyes, hair still not curled, With dusty eyes, hair still not curled but nise ley brushed like a straight line, so that is all that I can say, so keep up the good work. HAPPY REVIEW DAY.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill

okay first off I ADORE this poem so much. I read it and it got a Ying Yang kind of vibe from reading it. The italics from the sun and the harshness of night and how they balance out was amazing! Also, the rhyming gives the day and night something in common so the whole comparison and contrast. I loved it so much.

I love your choice of formatting and writing style it's so unique and special! There was just one part when the rhyming style switches and it confused me a little bit but for all I know, it is a certain style. It didn't stop me from loving this poem!

Keep writing! <3
~Galaxy

Hey, alliyah! MissLyricz here for another review!

Well, I certainly enjoyed reading this one, for sure! I loved the way you described the different elements in the poem- they were very lyrical and almost musical, actually!

The flow of the poem was well-written, though in some areas it lost its flow. But that's nothing too serious to worry about! I rather liked the style of the poem, as well, it was unique and made it more interesting to read.

The only thing I would suggest is in the last stanza of the poem. I think it would work far more smoothly if you briefly described the two people on the opposite sides of this world that you have described. You don't have to use this, but for example:

"Two people thinking with opposite thoughts
He was of the night
She was of the day
Standing on opposite sides of this world"

But, considering you have created the style of this poem using two lined stanzas, it may be difficult to incorporate that into the poem. But, something along the lines of that would be ideal. But hey! I can't tell you how to write your poem, I'm only here to give suggestions on how to improve. It's entirely your decision on what you wish to do. I will love your poem regardless of whether or not you change it- it would make a good short story actually!

Other than that, it was a wonderful poem, my friend!


MissLyricz x

Great poem! The contrast was maintained well throughout, though the flow got a bit dicey in the last few stanzas. If I could make a suggestion, I'd recommend you move the comma in stanza 4 to "When darkness creeps, it makes no sound but a sigh," as the late pause seems to throw off the rhythm. I also think that you should omit the second "praying" in stanza 5. This can easily shorten it to tighten the flow, while keeping the message intact. Semantics aside, really nicely done! I've already read most of your other works, and I look forward to seeing your next piece.

This is such a lovely poem. I like how it is set out as well so that is clear the contrasting views. There are just a couple of lines that the wording does not flow as well as others. One of them is:
"I'm weary and wish it away"
This line mostly makes sense,(it is slightly unusual) but I feel like the rhythm is a bit off with the syllables. Sort of like it is missing a syllable or perhaps the words used together give that impression.

Secondly:
"It's hard though anticipated to come to another goodbye"
I get what you are trying to say but the line doesn't really make sense on its own. You might need to change around some words or add some punctuation. I suspect you mean something like. "It's hard, though anticipated, to come to another goodbye" the commas make it make more sense but its still a mouthful.

Finally: "Praying only for a day that I can sleep an hour longer" I would simply cut out the word 'only', it seems to simply add an extra unnecessary syllable.
"Praying for a day that I can sleep an hour longer."
Also in the next line you could cut the word 'that' or the word 'even' and replace it with a comma.

That is all from me. I would check your wording through because your sentences are quite long they might need some structure in wording or punctuation just to tidy them up.

One thing to remember with words is that to get a message across the less words the better, you seem to put a lot of words in that, even though are not bad or wrong, could be omitted and still say exactly the same thing.

Content-wise, fantastic job! I really liked this.

This is just amazing.

I love it and how u contrast night and day.
Its really meaningful.

I love the title even though I thought it would be a about a persons two faced personality... blahh who cares you did good and like it

Keep on writing

Wow, I love this poem. I kinda wish the rhyming scheme was a bit more concrete, but that's fine; I really love this. I just wish thoughts and earth somehow rhymed, but they don't. Good luck and keep at it, ally-wa! Can't wait to read your next work.
-tgirly

good poem. I can tell you have talent, too bad this is your only poem i wanted to read more. but anyways i liked it good job.