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Rain

by WillowPaw1


Rain

Rain, the smooth, round droplets

falling from the sky

splattering on the cement

making bees cry

-

Rain, the beautiful scent it carries

the smell so many adore

It reminds me of nature

The smell of Petrichor

-

Rain, the one thing I love

it is rarely near, just not there

here one second, gone the next

there rain goes, it doesn't seem to care


A/N: I had trouble rhyming and I'm not good at all at poetry. Honest comments are welcome! If you actually liked it, cool beans.


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5 Reviews


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Reviews: 5

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Mon Sep 29, 2014 10:24 pm
aydenini wrote a review...



I did like it and I really like the wording in the first stanza. If you say you are not good at poetry good job, you made a will written poem and I think that if you give it thought you can be quite good at it. I really like rain as well but then whenever I go outside to play in it it just goes away. Overall this was a poem that I enjoyed reading and if you want to I think you can be quite good at it but maby it is not your thing I don't know but thank you it was good. Hope to see more of your work.




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53 Reviews


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Tue Apr 15, 2014 12:14 am
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CuriosityCat wrote a review...



Wow! I like! (*raises eyebrows, impressed*) Seriously, this is really cool! Oh, and I love the way it ends…
"Rain, the one thing I love
it is rarely near, just not there
here one second, gone the next
there rain goes, it doesn't seem to care"

It's sad and bittersweet and honest. I love rain too, and the way you describe it is awesome. :D

I especially love:
"making bees cry"
and
"it doesn't seem to care"

The rhyming isn't that important, and the poem has great rhythm anyway.

Keep going, and never doubt your ability to spontaneously erupt genius!!
~Curiosity(killed the)Cat :D




WillowPaw1 says...


Thank you!! This made my day! :)



CuriosityCat says...


You're welcome! That was totally my honest opinion.



WillowPaw1 says...


:D



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Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:13 am
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Iggy wrote a review...



Hello, Willow!

Okay, first off, I'm super glad that the rhythm isn't forced. Okay, you admit to forcing it, but it doesn't feel forced. It actually worked nicely in the poem, so I am the happy about that. I tend to dislike poems with a forced rhythm, as they can be awkward and sound odd, but this was done with easy-to-rhyme words, so that didn't happen, thankfully.

Moving on! This was a good poem. :) I like how you focused on something commonly poeted about, like rain, and put your own creative label on it, describing it how you perceive it and showing me how you envision it. Your use of imagery in this was nice; it could have been better, but I still think it was good.

I think the only part I didn't like was the line about bees and how they cry. Try describing what it is about the rain that makes them cry, so the reader isn't confused. c:

Other than that, this was really good for a beginner poem! I liked it, and it's a lot better than you think it is, so don't fret. It was nicely written and makes me wish it was raining now. Thank you for sharing. :)




WillowPaw1 says...


Thank you. :3



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Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:39 am
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Crimsona wrote a review...



Awh I do like this poem, rain is so beautiful and such a lovely topic! Don't get too hung up over trying to make your poem rhyme, the rhythm and flow is often a lot more important, as well as interesting and thought provoking topics and vocabulary!

The punctuation in this is a little iffy. Try and replace some of the commas with full stops so it breaks up the lines a little, it'll make it an easier read.

I'm a little confused by what opinion you have of rain - because in the poem you write that it's beautiful, but that it is a bore and then that it is the one thing that you love? I suggest maybe changing the second stanza a little. (Petrichor is the smell after rain, and it rhymes with adore so you could perhaps use that?)

Overall, I think this poem has a lot of potential; it just needs a little bit of tweaking here and there and the punctuation sorted out. I really like it, you have some great ideas! Keep writing,

-Crim




WillowPaw1 says...


Thank you! I'll edit it right now! :D




The best books... are those that tell you what you know already.
— George Orwell, 1984