For some reason,
I wish fairies were alive.
I could see their petite bodies
and sparkling wings.
.
For some reason,
I wish dragons were alive.
I could feel their deadly fire
and colossal scales.
.
For some reason,
I wish unicorns were alive.
I could view their majestic figures
and beautiful horns.
.
For some reason,
I am still rambling on
about how I long for fantasy
to be true and alive, even when it's not.
A/N: I need some sort of punctuation or letter between each stanza, or else the format will mess all up. If you have a solution that can be used from an iPodtouch, please let me know!
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hey Willow!
Really just planned to drop this which should explain how to format your poetry (when in doubt of anything always check Knowledge Base) but then I decided, what the heck, I'll leave my two cents.
I love your topic. It's not overdone which is sometimes hard to find no matter what you write xP.
I have a few issues with your form though. You have a uniform stanza length until the last stanza. Either put that last line by itself or work it into the last stanza without making it five lines. I lean towards the second option, but the first will also make it seem less strange.
I'm also questioning the capitalization of each line, you have sentences throughout your stanzas, so your capitalization should reflect that. It's totally fine to start a line with a lowercass letter!
I also want you to think about your meaning and your word choice. Why are you starting each stanza with "for some reason"? You never actually mention reasoning in your poem. It doesn't serve a purpose except as filler, and for a poem this size, that's just watering down the meaning.
Speaking if filler, all your ands and so's are doing the same thing. They give nothing to the meaning. Try to take as many of them out, so your poem can be pure meaningful nutritions with no fillers or preservatives!
If you have any questions, feel free to talk to me.
Keep writing,
Megs~
Thank you so much!
Yo Willow! Guess who? Me!
(Don't ask...)
Wow. How often do I relate to this each day? A lot. Because who doesn't want dragons, unicorns, fairies and fantasylands?
There are billions of reasons why this is my favorite stanza. ... Here are some:
1. Word choice. Deadly? Colossal? Instead of burning and big? Nice!!
2. Dragons are probably the most cool fantasies EVER. (In my opinion.) Who doesn't like giant reptiles spitting fire all over, stepping on schools and flying all over?
3. I can relate to it a lot. I like dragons. Fantasies. Stuff like talking cats. (Forbidden Shadows, lol.)
And a lot more.
Sorry, no, I don't know what to do. It screws up the format, and it's really annoying. I sometimes use an asterisk or a period. Sorry I can't fix that for you.
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors, but I'm extremely tired and lazy right now so if I missed something, sorry 'bout that.
Keep up the great writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I <3 reading your stuff
~Em101cats~
Thanks, Em!
OMG I know the feeling!
I like this poem because of it's wording; very child like poetry. Cause a lot of children wish for this.
This was cute too, my favorite part was,
"For some reason,
I wish dragons were alive
So I could feel their deadly fire
And colossal scales."
I really like the deadly part. This was a very good poem for someone at 10pm who showed be tired as hell lol I know I would be, but great. Above all.
Thank you!!
Hello!
Emilykay10144 here...
I love this poem. It makes me feel like I'm a little kid again.
My only thing I say you should take out are the stars. The reader knows it is a break of the poem since it is a stanza poem, but just a suggestion.
I like how this poem is bubbly and fun, while a lot of poems (like mine LOL) are usually about broken hearts or just plain sad.
This is a great ending to this poem, and it is my favorite thing about this. Everyone wants to live in a fantasy world, but reality comes in and destroys that, so bravo for capturing that.
Keep up the great work! I love it!
PM when you post another writing.
-Emilykay10144
Thanks so much!
Sometimes when I take out the stars it messed up the format, but I'll try to make it so it won't.
I'll PM you.
Thanks again!
Yeah I hate editing the format. It just ruins my buzz
Hi!
First of all great poem! It's clear and concise and has a nice rhythm. I really enjoy how the poem is uniform throughout, having a repeated phrase adds to the flow of the poem.
My only reccomendation is that you take out the stars where the stanzas are. The reader can already tell that it's a new thought and a stanza, plus removing the stars would make the poem looks more professional.
Overall great job! The message is clear and the emotion is evident.
Can't wait to see more from you!
Thanks so much! I'll try to take them out, but sometimes it messed up the format.
Yeah I know it can be difficult to edit works sometimes. Also, no problem!