Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Science

E - Everyone

The Moon

by WillowPaw1


The moon shines bright

in the cold winter air.

Shimmering in the night,

the moon stands tall and brave.

*

Opposite of the sun,

who comes out at day.

Bringing warmth to everyone.

Yes, the moon is opposite the sun.

*

It is among the many stars,

that are sprinkled here and there,

up above the cars.

Yes, the moon is amoung the stars.

*

The moon is amazing,

at least to me it is.

everyone is gazing

up at it tonight.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 262
Reviews: 5

Donate
Mon Sep 29, 2014 10:16 pm
aydenini wrote a review...



I did enjoy this poem but I think that it needed a bit more. I think that it was rather vague but it was still interesting. I would have hoped that it was a bit longer and that it had a it more descriptiveness in it. Overall it was cool, interesting but it definitely could use work but i look forward to seeing more of your work. Thanks you.




User avatar


Points: 323
Reviews: 1

Donate
Tue Apr 15, 2014 3:30 pm
View Likes
cokeAcola says...



I liked the "ABAB" rhyme scheme in the first stanza and I would have liked to see it follow through the entire poem. I did enjoy the repetition of "moon" over and over, it really ties in that you love the moon.




User avatar
39 Reviews


Points: 425
Reviews: 39

Donate
Tue Apr 15, 2014 3:11 pm
View Likes
TheFlamingonator wrote a review...



Hello, here to review.

This poem was cute and lovely. The only thing I noticed that was off was that "among" was spelled wrong. Otherwise this was very nice. I too like the moon and find that it brings comfort to see it during the night. I've never really read poetry like yours, and found it pretty in the fact that it is very short and simple.

Keep up the good work, I'd love to read more literature written by you. :)




User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 1222
Reviews: 12

Donate
Tue Apr 15, 2014 4:23 am
View Likes
luckystarz6090 wrote a review...



Hello, Willow. I like your poem on the moon, a wonderful subject for poetry. I thought the rhyme scheme a little strange because I'm used to the second and fourth lines rhyming rather than the first and third. Very interesting and fresh, so keep that up. I likeyo read new things I'm not expecting. I do think this poem could benefit from a slightly more fixed rhythm, something not too bouncy, but flows softly and calmly like the light of the moon but still has stability. And I think the word amoung is spelled among...only thing I could see that was incorrectly spelled:) good luck on future poems;)




User avatar
363 Reviews


Points: 28237
Reviews: 363

Donate
Tue Apr 15, 2014 3:57 am
DreamWork wrote a review...



Hello there, Dream with a quick review on your poem.
First of all, I like how you describe the moon as the reason for what you admire its beauty. I was also impressed with the style of language that is easily understood in every stanza. Honestly, I feel like just reading it with a simple reaction which I think you have to take advantage of the theme you choose to write it in a way that is more unique. Some reader may expecting more about your poem; more than just the usual description about the moon. So telling the reader how you actually feel about the moon is not quite easy to write. In order to make the reader feel the same as your enthusiasm toward the moon itself.

The moon shines bright

in the cold winter air.

Shimmering in the night,

the moon stands tall and brave.

I love the personification there and the setting you put in this stanza. Overall, it is a nice poem to read. Maybe you should try practicing more in figurative language to make it more appealing. Keep writing! Kudos, cheers :)




WillowPaw1 says...


Thanks for reviewing <3




I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss