Hey! Yubbies21 here with a review on your delightful poem.
this is so true. I can picture Adam, shivering in the dark, afraid to fall asleep for the first time. I'm not sure if that is what you were trying to communicate from this, but it's what I understood. This poem got me really thinking. You could continue it and compare it to Jesus dying on the cross, saying something about how afraid he was, but his father held hid hand. You could make another stanza, comparing it to our daily lives.
A wonderful inspirational piece, that totally warmed my heart. First the good news.
1. Excellent description and uses of words- etched, reception, premise. Other people may just use boring words, such as cut, understand, or other boring words. You have the creativity and vocabulary to say exactly what you want, and say it beautifully.
2. This poem flows together naturally, there are no abrupt pauses.
3. I just want to say that after reading this, I felt like I was there, and had witnessed Adam, awake for the first time. It felt so real.
4. The way you arranged this poem is creative. I like it. It tells me that you have more talent, than just writing.
Now for the nitty-gritty stuff. Ugh. I hate doing this part. Don't worry! I don't bite! As well, there is way more good stuff about this poem than bad.
1. It has no easy beat to find, and the rhythm is a little off, but seriously, I don't personally care about that junk.
2. I couldn't find anything else. Seriously, you are all supposed to have twice as many mistakes, than perfect things. Why doesn't anybody? We must all be perfect. Ha-ha.
Well congratulations on the wonderful poem, and remember to keep the creative juices flowing. Keep yourself open to things that inspire you. Well, that's about it. I sincerely hope that this helps and inspires you.
A good reviewer(i hope),
Yubbies21
Points: 620
Reviews: 170
Donate