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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Well, this is fairly short, but effective. It says what it needs to. I like how a lot of your poems are quite short. I guess it's your trademark. I like your title too. It has a lot of meaning behind it. It makes me think of restriction and security.
I also adore your cryptic imagery: the idea that home opens when the mind does. It seems very philosophical and very open for discussion. I also like the idea that this character possesses no wealth, as if he has no choice. The character seems to be bitter. This is just my interpretation. I may be completely missing the point, but this is just the way I see it.
When you said "share what humanity surrounds this fire", it seems sarcastic. It seems to suggest that humanity is evil, and how man kills everything. Again, this is my interpretation, and I may be missing the point. But this poem has a lot of different meanings attached, which makes it hard to pinpoint exactly what the meaning is. But isn't that what a great poem is? Something without true meaning?
I loved this. This was great. Congratulations.
You are very perceptive. You even managed to clarify some of the mysteries I had with this poem! I suppose fire brings warmth but can also represent a kind of evil in people. I was indeed quite bitter when I wrote this and was trying to find a sense of love in the community around me. So your ability to actually read between the lines like that is quite amazing.
The point of my short poems is to leave people feeling empty and dissatisfied, to the effect of walking into a blank white room. It always give me a laugh when people insist it needs to be expanded in order to satisfy their criteria.
Cheers for the review, it was great.
Nomad
Poetry, poetry! I'm amazed you haven't had any reviews on this, normally people snap up the shorter pieces! But anyway, here I am to correct that
The home is open
When the mind is open. [My first comment is that perhaps you don't need 'open' on this line. Sometimes instead of repeating, it's better to leave an echo in the reader's head as they will feel this in and it flows more smoothly: The home is open when the mind is.' There's a bigger sense of the dramatic which is always a plus for drawing readers in.]
But come in,
Share what humanity surrounds this fire. [color=blue][And my other comment is for this line. I'm struggling with your phrasing here. I know what you're saying and the visual you're trying to create but only because I've heard it so many times before. That idea of sharing in the warmth of a fire, that everyone around a fire is brothers etc. The way you've phrased it though is just so awkward and I'm trying to think of alternatives. Maybe:
Share what humanity holds in this fire
or
Share with humanity the all surrounding fire
Just give it a few thoughts, okay?
Overall
It's short, it's sweet, it's not particularly to my liking. I don't feel that the poetry says anything I haven't heard before or gives a new perspective and to me a poem should do at least one of those things. A poem should make a strong visual in your head or a feeling in your heart and this doesn't do either so it's not really for me.
Maybe if you expanded it to give more of a story, that would help.
Heather xxx
Thanks for spending the time, Heather.