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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Hi Nomad!
It was good though... You need to work on the poetry paragraphs and some of the punctuation. Also, the title should have been "You" or "You are the only one.", since its describing about someone the most, and not others.
So, first of all, I like the poem.
Now, there are 12 lines in this poem which is an even number, and it doesn't make things difficult.
Now, let's put these to a paragraph, I may rearrange some:
[b]Overall: I like it, and you've described the person heartily. Like this part: v.v
[quote="UrbanNomad]
But you, you
take the bearing of my eyes
[/quote]
That was absolutely cute,loving and perfect. ^.^ Keep it up! You're a great writer! xD I would give this a 7/10.
Keep Writing ! ~
Cookie <3
Thanks for reviewing. But seriously-I have a problem with the feedback I am getting. Is everyone on this website stuck into a box of how poetry should sit on the page? Can I not use repetition? Must I conform to paragraphs like at primary school?
I would rather not. The title 'Some and Others' refers to the general vagueness I feel, particularly expressed by those who are concerned only with details and not sentiment. Some girls stand above, most are conformers.
Regards, Nomad
Sorry for the, epic fail of quoting and bold. >.<
Anyway, well, I genuinely think that this isn't some primary school way. Its how it should be written. Proper poems are like that. I was just correcting. And, I don't know. If you want to fix your writing, go on. If you want to continue your way, I don't mind.
Thankyou for consolidating my view. If you think there is such thing as a 'proper poem' and that there is a way 'it should be written' than I sympathize with you. Progression in poetry comes from expansion, not stagnation.
By no means are my works sufficient by my personal standards, but I am building towards that point.
Thankyou for spending the time to review my work nonetheless.
I wasn't insulting your way. I just said, that's how it *should* be written, actually. And I do know its from expansion but sometimes, it is from stagnation.
If you find my reviews, inefficient, you can tell me. I don't mind.
Haha, no I do appreciate the fact you are giving me advice for free
A beautiful letter from the girl (in the poem) just arrived in my mailbox from the other side of the world, so I am feeling happy right now!