Young Writers Society

Hi there Tylyn! Niteowl here to review.

Okay, so I don't know how much this is based on real life or not, but I have bipolar disorder so I am too familiar with the "joys" of mania (as in it feels great in the moment but doesn't end well).

The striking thing to me about this poem is that it straddles this line between personal and clinical. It's personal in the sense that it's in first person, and lines like "I don't want to die right now high" and "I forced myself to forget what I was missing" hint at details from the speaker's life story that aren't revealed in this short piece. While it's not "clinical" in the sense of medical vocabulary, it does have some of that matter-of-fact description you might give to a doctor.

And then mania stopped and it was Tuesday,

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for your poem. And to get it out the Green room for you.

Okay let's start.

So I saw the name to your poem, and I thought it sounded rather interesting so I popped in the have a look at it. And that's a good thing, you want to have a name to your work that brings people in. So I'm quit happy with that.
I will say this was not what I was expecting. But i still liked reading your poem and I wasn't to happy it was short, but I don't think you needed to add anything else into it. Other wise it would have felt drawn out, so i'm happy you stopped it at the place it is at.
I can also feel the slight emotion you have put into this poem, which made it more fun to read.
I do hope I will get to see more of your poems out on YWS soon. Again I loved reading your poem, and I enjoyed reviewing it to, never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.

This kinda walks the line between giddy-nonsense and emotive - and I think you could hype this poem up more by going more solidly in either of those directions, or just putting more drama into both.

In other words, if this poem is supposed to be read like the author was high - then commit to that view point, throw in some italics and a little contemplation on what life means, and if it's going to be emotive - really go in that direction, rather than just giving the reader snippets.

My favorite line was "And then mania stopped and it was Tuesday," - it shows the stilted thoughts of the speaker, and also indicates a contrast between their point of view and how time is really functioning.

Overall i just wanted this poem to dig-in a bit more. For instance, "I forced myself to forget what I was missing" -- what is that? What are they missing? Give us some juicy details to latch on to so that the reader can connect more with the speaker.

Keep poeting - I did like the perspective you took here - it was unique and there's a lot of avenues that this type of view could run down.

- metrophobia
don't fear the poetry, nor the poet

Hey, there.

I'm really feeling like this should be a Fall Out Boy song or something haha. It's totally random and slightly confusing, yet intriguing all the same. Well done writing!

I can't wait to read more of your art.

-M