Untitled

Awe. I feel that. You seem adorable.

Oh I really dig this poem! It's far more emotional and specific than the last one. The reader gets some sense of the panic setting in, and then there are a few very solid turns in here that the reader really has to twist and follow along with the speaker.

The phrase "I am all thumbs on a steering wheel, I am fingernails digging into the skin of my wrists" is really excellent in particular - I would love a bit more of that vivid imagery and metaphoric language throughout if I had to give a critique.

The formatting of lines bleeding into each other worked quite well for the mood of this piece.

Hope to see more of your work around!

- metrophobia
there is no poetry without a little fear

Hello there TylynRae

I am Kostia and I will give you a brief review and my honnest opinion on your poem. (Excuse me for any spelling mistakes I am not a native speaker.)

I will start with a welcome back! The more the merrier!

Now to your poem:

Content:
I liked the content of this, it was effortless, honnest and emotional. You could have been more discriptive or add somemore imagery into it but to me it is fine either way. I liked where you were going with this although I am not sure I agree with the conclusion. The end was well put and I believe I understand what you were trying to say. However if I was you I would change the word "strong" since I believe pretending to be someone else is a quality of the weak not the strong. Other than that I really liked the content of this.

Phrasing:

I really liked your general phrasing and the fact that you used simple and delicate words. I think the repetision of "I am" fits nicely.

Structure:
There were some issues with the structure. First of all your verses are too big. If you intend this to be a poem you have to make your verses shorter. It doesn't have to rhyme and I believe free verse writing is more fitting for this poem. However I would make the lines shorter and maybe add stanzas.

e.g

turn this:

"I'm panicking right now.

And to you it looks like nervous laughter, and a blush I can't hide and a smile I can't wipe off,

but to me I'm terrified."

into something more like this:

"I'm panicking right now.

And to you it looks like nervous laughter
or a blush I can't hide
a smile I can't wipe off,

but to me I'm terrified."

With that being said when you edit this you will need to change a few words in order to form the poem's structure. You can keep it like this if you like it but I am not sure it can be considered a poem in its present structure.

What I think:

I personally really liked it and I believe there is real potential in you. It can be great with some editing. Moreover you are going to need a tittle for it. I myself have difficulty in tittles so take your time till you have something you actually consider fitting.

I really enjoyed the element of comparison throughout the text and the well placed simile. Your wording was great and the use of emotion and drama is exceptional!

Good work! I enjoyed reading it!

If you end up editing this I would love to read the edited version! Feel free to let me know!

Keep writing!

Best regards,

Kostia