(This poem was something I wrote while thinking about someone very close to me. I didn't concentrate on punctuation at all, so please heavily critique that. As for the capitalization, when words seem to be capitalized incorrectly, they're supposed to be that way. Read those words with emphasis. Other than that, let the piece speak for itself)
I don’t know how to say this,
my words are taffy stuck.
But every touch, and every breath
is far too much to Bear
with me, hold my hand,
and never let me go.
My heart, it weeps, my love, you reap,
and all the while I continue to Sew
we’ll go. And we won’t wait, because
our love is in abundance by the sea,
and love will grow, like waves and weeds,
and we’ll always feel the same it Seems
that the time has changed, the pendulum swings,
but the love thats in your eyes always Beams
are falling around me, my heart is split in two.
The time may fly as the birds flutter by.
But always know.
I love you.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
@AnonymousAnarchist, thanks for the review, I'm glad you enjoy it =]]]
It was just beautiful I really liked it. You are a great writer and I think that you should leave this as it is it s very very good
hey i really like the feel of your poem....i think it was very nice..the way the words flowed...it had me imagining! keep up the good work..
Tylyn this is good. I really liked this. From your explanations it was hard to read but it still worked out rather well lols. Keep up the good work and may you receive many reviews and that people begin to understand it more. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!
Soulkana<3
They're capitalized for a reason. I combine two sentences with the capitalized words. And as for what is falling. Its the beams =]. A lot of people aren't understanding this poem. But if you accent each of the capitalized words, the flow is smooth. But as a previous commenter said, i write not what satisfies others, but what satisfies myself. @ perdido, you don't like anything I write! But I'm glad you enjoyed some of my lines. I do realize its hard to understand and read, but its meant to be difficult so then the reader has to actually Read it. Thanks for the reviews guys =]
That's really good! Deep too (:
I liked it, something about it didn't capture me right away though.
Its still good though!
From,
CookEmonster [:
tydecker777! I've enjoyed your poem a lot. I like your style and word choice throughout, but it didn't read very smooth. The flow is all up to you! don't get me wrong! It just felt like it could be broken up into stanzas maybe? Other than that: I love it! Keep Writing!
i am wondering why random words are capitalized. Bear, sew, seems. Are these typos or was it intentional. If it was intentional then, well, the way we'd say it in the theater world would be, "that was a strong choice... but make a different, strong choice."
I don't know why people are operating under the illusion that this is somehow original, poems like this are a dime a dozen. Now, don't get me wrong, I"m not saying what I do is original or novel, but I really don't think this is.
Here's what I liked.
"taffy stuck."
"abundance by the sea."
"love will grow like waves and weeds."
I liked the bit about the birds too but I think you should reword it somehow so its stronger.
That's all I got.
Thank you mellophone7. I'm glad you haven't seen one written like this before =]. Its just sort of something I was experimenting with. It is a strange way to write, but it has a descent rhythm if you can find it lol. But thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked it =]
I read your last comment, and it seems like a really interesting way to write a poem. I've never seen one written like that. I loved this, and it was very well written. Not a lot of punctuation seemed out of place, and I think the previous comments cleared up most of that. Well done!
Ok, to both people that have reviews. The end words of one sentences open up for the next sentence. For instance, far to much to Bear with me. its actually two sentences. Far too much to bear. And bear with me, then run together. It's on purpose. So that voids out a lot of corrections. But thanks for the reviews =]
Hello! Erm...yes, I like this. I got the message. Many of your descriptions are lovely. However, it needs a bit of work:)
Hope this helps and keep writing!
~ Amelia
Okay, this was brilliant! I totally feel that way about someone close to me and you've just put it in words. I was slightly curious about your choice of which words to capatalize. What I mean is that there were some words in there that I thought would've been important enough to capatalize, like 'breath' or 'know'. It's not up to me though. Great job with this!
Cheers,
Luxe