Reaching Eventually

Hello there, Dancer!

This was an enjoyable poem to read-at least it was for me. I like how it tackles the idea of life sometimes seeming like nothing but a heavy load you never asked the carry. The concept itself is not too original, but your poem is. Now:

"No one ever asks
if you want to be born.
You are simply squeezed
into existence
with the expectation of Eventually
becoming wealthy and worthwhile
when maybe all you wanted to be
was nothing at all."

This is my favorite stanza. It gets the idea of what the rest of this poem is going to convey and it urges me to proceed reading. However, I don't like the use of 'wealthy'. The idea that we are born into this world to be many things like pretty, smart, 'wealthy', etc is certainly true but you could have added more adjectives to balance it out besides 'worthwhile', or just eliminate the world all together.

"when boys begin bribing you
for sweeter things
than the fruit-roll up in your Lunchable."

This is when your poem took a more serious and true turn that's scary because it resonates so well-childhood innocence fading away as you move onto to adolescence. Lovely and even a little off-putting (though not in a bad way.)

"Your life is superglued
to numbers and hands that draw circles
as tired as the ones beneath your eyes"

I really like this one part--I assume the 'numbers and hands' are referring to clocks? Good, good! Thought I'm not too sure how I feel about the word 'superglued', which just doesn't feel right.

"and you miss the dusky evenings
when the only clock you knew how to read
was the one in your grumbly tummy."

Again, 'grumbly tummy' just sort of throws the flow off a little bit. Reading it in this poem just seem awkward.

The last stanza is really great and kicks the idea home. It felt very easy to relate to and the return of the caterpillar gives this poem terrific closure. There's nothing I would change about the ending, it's near perfect.

This is a great poem! Good way

storyisking~

Hi Dancer!

This poem is really interesting. It covers a topic that a lot of people can probably realate to, but it was still very original. A lot of the imagry and descriptions you used were fresh and fascinating. I love the repeating idea of the catapillar. The last line of this piece is my favorite, and I think it really captured what you are trying to say.

"when the only clock you knew how to read
was the one in your grumbly tummy."
I think that this line doesn't really fit into the rest of the piece. I understand where you are going with it, so maybe it's just me, but "grumbly tummy" seem awkward with the rest of the verse.

"And when the days you thought were
safe in your back pocket
begin to run out"
I think that this stanza would be stronger withought the "and" in the beginning. You don't really need it, and you shouldn't include extra words unless they are important to your piece.

Other than those two things, this is a really amazing poem. It has a definate tone and a strong idea and feeling behind it. It is easy to understand and your capitalization of certain words really added to it. Hope this helped, keep writing!