Inspiration

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I thought it was very unique how you broke up sentences into a few lines, and then had it rhyme. It was interesting to read the poem and guess about the topic and then come to find what the idea of the poem was at the end. The vocabulary you chose worked well with the poem. Well done, keep writing!

Okay. So, the poem was enjoyable. In general, it came together well and its message was clear. There was little abstraction. It seemed more a short, creative monologue than poetry.

However, there are a few problems. One, I'm sure this was probably intentional, but you write very choppily. Now, okay, that's not bad. How you cut things often bothered me, though. Lines that begin with when and if ended abruptly. Other lines continued without periods for little reason. Two, there's a problem when you write lines of all almost exactly the same length. Yes, it adds a beat--but it's a repetitive beat. It looks sort of boring on the page, you know?

So, yes. I enjoyed it. It was lyrical and nice, but it seemed like song or monologue and not truly poetry. It didn't make my brain whir. It read it and nodded along, slightly concerned at presentation, and that was about it.

Basically, in short, there was a lack of wow, or shivers, or adoration. Not even all famous poems do that for me, admittedly, but this was very in-your-face and didn't leave much for thought or emotion.

Anyway, feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Keep writing,
Cas

Nice poem here. It flowed really well all the way until the last line. The poem seemed to have led me to a cliff and instead of seeing a breathtaking view, I came to an abrupt stop and it took away from my overall impression of the poem.

Try reading the last stanza with the last two lines like this:

A few tiny words:

Inspire me, please.

Just a suggestion... Great poem, though.