Bleeding Seconds

Hey there TinyDancer! Cookie here to give you a good review!

The poem had a lot of feel to it, I can say. It did leave me thinking for quite a few minutes in the middle, when I was on the way trying to figure out what exactly you were trying to mean. But I guess, through every line I read, it represented different things, parts of something and so on... But I liked it. I loved the way how you ended the poem:-

"But I can still see the sun
from the dark side of the moon.
And I think as I hang
in the limitless space between wake and sleep
that perhaps the only way to see
the beating heart of the moon
is to let these seconds bleed."

Especially "to let these seconds bleed" part. Its a nice kind of hyperbole. Seconds, bleeding, well put together, if you ask me. The ending really brought a bright phase to the whole poem. It felt just right. Like you can see the sun from the dark side of the moon. Its gives a sort of message to how you should see life itself.

I kind of liked the idea of you mixing so many aspects into this poem. Even if it does fade off it a completely new topic, you can see, as you keep reading, its getting slowly related to the first.

"and I tie my memories to their clawing
fingers as they leave"

I think you should put "clawing" and "fingers" together to make "clawing fingers". That's what seems right.

You have good talent, and frankly, I'm really looking forward to read more your new works. I loved the poem so I would encourage you to keep going.

Keep Writing! ~

xoxo,
ChocoCookie

The poem is so strong. It created such image of celestial bodies in my mind - very deep thoughts, indeed! I also like how the essence of two unlike things go together. You know? Darkness, Light. Sun, Moon. Wake, Sleep.

Over-all, I loved the poem. Its got the depth, the words, and the ideas.

I like the depth of the story and the power of emotion that you use in the words,
and I think the title is great for this.

Hi there

This is amazing. It is filled with beautiful imagery, the wording of the poem is great and has a lot of feeling to it. I can really feel the emotions. What I like most about it is that it is tied so nicely together. The first and the last line both including "seconds".

I like the title, but I agree with you it migth be a idea good to change it, to avoid overkilling the whole seconds thing. Maybe try finding a title that conveys the central idea of the poem. I think the firt to stanzas are a bit confusing, I'm not sure what your message is, but if the title suggest the theme of the poem, it migth become more clear. I don't think you should change the stanzas at all, they are very beautiful, I especially like the end of stanza two :

"I can feel the slivered moon
begging the tides inside
my un-slept eyes to dance
for just one more night
and it sings
Don't be afraid to care"

The last line is perfect, I like that you put in italic.

Amazing job! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more from you!